Money can be the root of anger in many relationships.
It can also color how people feel about major life events.
When someone with wealth passes, many in their lives can’t help but wonder who will get a piece of the pie.
Just when everyone should be mourning and comforting one another, people are on a scavenger hunt for the will.
Those are the ones who often get their just desserts.
Case in point…
Redditor Positive-Purple-487 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for giving my late husband’s estate to a stranger instead of our kids?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 55) had been married to my husband (M[ale] 60) for 20 years before he died.”
“It was cancer.”
“He had two kids from a past marriage who were in their early teens when he married me.”
“I had a 7-year-old from an earlier relationship as well.”
“We didn’t have any more kids.”
“I tried to treat my stepchildren as my own, but they never accepted me.”
“They were very rude and insulted me whenever they could.”
“Since I did not work, they called me a gold digger who married their dad only for his money.”
“The truth was my grandparents were quite wealthy and left me a lot of money when they died.”
“I lived well below my means and chose to stay home and raise my daughter since I could afford that.”
“I did not need his money at all.”
“But I didn’t bother sharing this with his kids and told him not to either.”
“I did not want them to like me just because they might gain monetarily from me.”
“My husband, on the other hand, hated how they behaved with me.”
“Their blatant disrespect made him not pay for their College tuition.”
“Their mom couldn’t pay for it, and they had to take loans for it.”
“They didn’t even talk to him.”
“Even when he got cancer, they refused to come see him.”
“For three years, we struggled with the treatment.”
“My daughter came to visit from time to time when she could.”
“During this time, the only person who really helped both of us was someone we were not related to at all.”
“This girl in her late 20s waitressed at a cafe we frequented.”
“She was a single mom, taking classes at community college at night, working during the day, and raising her two kids.”
“She took a liking to us, and when she learned my husband was sick, spent whatever time she could by visiting him.”
“She had stayed nights at the hospital when I needed a break and basically been the daughter we wished for.”
“When he died, she helped me arrange the funeral.”
“His kids came on the day, and all they wanted to know was about their inheritance.”
“I felt sick.”
“When I learned my husband had left his estate to me (whatever is left after settling his bills, and it was around $25,000), I decided to give it to the girl who helped us both so much.”
“She tried to refuse, but I insisted she take it.”
“She needed it and, in my opinion, deserved it more than his ungrateful children.”
“My daughter understands why I did not give it to his children but is upset I did not give anything to her either.”
“I told her she already had money and a job.”
“Not to mention she will get my inheritance.”
“This was in no way her money.”
“But his ex-wife and kids are causing havoc over this and really upset with me.”
“They are calling me an AH for giving away money they deserve.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“They don’t deserve the money.”
“They want the money.”
“There is a difference.”
“I just went no contact with my parents (literally 2-3 days ago).”
“I know the odds are they will cut me out of their will.”
“I’m 100% ok with it.”
“Being free of their toxicity is 100% worth giving up what money they may give me.”
“In all honesty… I don’t know how I will feel if they do leave me money in their will.”
“Do I even want to accept it?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Taking the money won’t fix the damage they caused.”
“His adult children made choices in life.”
“But now that he’s gone.”
“Now that all of it is said and done.”
“Now that they are demanding money… I would look at them and say, ‘Aren’t you quite the gold diggers?'”
“You know your dad never funded things for me.”
“I was wealthy on my own.”
“That’s why I didn’t work.”
“I didn’t need the money.” ~ Wandering_aimlessly9
“NTA. First of all, an estate of 25k is very small.”
“It’s not the size of an estate that people even normally ask about or fight over.”
“It’s surprising to me that your child and your stepchildren were expecting some windfall when your husband’s total net worth was 25k.”
“Were they under the impression that your husband had money?”
“If your husband wanted his kids or your kids to have his estate, he would have left it to them.”
“But he wanted you to have it, and you were well within your right and the moral high ground to gift it to someone who made an influence in your life and for whom it may be a life-changing gift.” ~ BaconEggAndCheeseSPK
“When my grandmother died, I (35ish) wanted her trashy Romance paperback collection, BECAUSE once or twice a month, since I was 13 years old, she would ship me a book or two when she was done reading them.”
“When I was old enough, I would ship her a book or two once or twice a month.”
“For 20 years, this was our thing.”
“Anyway, I told my Aunt and Dad I wanted Grandma’s books.”
“My uncle started throwing a fit about how her books could be worth money, and he needed to go through them all to see how much they were worth.”
“I started crying and ran to my dad.”
“A huge argument ensued because of books worth MAYBE $.25 a piece.”
“I was horrified about how an adult man would fight so hard for some paperback trashy romance novels that really meant nothing to anyone but me.” ~ Needs_A_Laugh
“I think there are some relevant considerations (other than teenagers just being awful and saying awful s**t sometimes).”
“At the time, they got this impression they were teenagers and may not have had a good understanding of their father’s finances.”
“OP also says he got cancer.”
“If they are American, that would mean that the father could have had money, but it was spent on treatment and care.”
“Hell, even in my country, cancer can be expensive due to inadequate social safety nets and the fact that public healthcare doesn’t cover everything.” ~ 24-Hour-Hate
“I married a man who inherited from his Grandma.”
“She left him land and a business.”
“In the four years between her death/inheritance and our marriage, he gutted what she left.”
“So I married a fixer-upper.”
“When we married, he was worth almost $50,000.00.”
“When we divorced, the business was worth over 3 million in part because of all the unpaid hours I worked.”
“And yet I was accused of being a gold digger.” ~ Global-Present-2177
“NTA. $25K might make all the difference to a single mom working a waitressing job, but it’s not going to change the life of already well-off kids, particularly split all those ways.” ~ Big_Falcon89
“I think you and your husband didn’t do a great job of integrating families and then blamed his kids for not accepting you.”
“It sounds like they probably parroted what they heard elsewhere, and he and you did nothing to make that better.”
“His relationship with them sounds very transactional – he refused to pay for college because he was angry, and they pulled back.”
“I’m not saying he should have ignored it, but your description of his kids as money-grubbing while not seeing your own daughter that way despite her argument that she should have gotten his money gives a negative picture of your attitude towards them.”
“So while you’re NTA for giving money to the young woman who supported you both, I do think your husband is to blame for this family dynamic in the first place.” ~ Internal_Progress404
“This is the soundest, most tempered response I’ve ever seen on this sub. YES.”
“Parents forget that the relationship they have with their kids is the one they make.”
“I’m sure integrating families was hard, but had it been done with the kids in mind things might have not needed to be this way.”
“You’re NTA for rewarding the person that helped you, but your viewpoint on them and the family dynamic I think lacks self-reflection on both you and your late husband’s part(I’m sorry for your loss).” ~ festoeeni
“Yeah. I kind of feel the husband is the AH here.”
“A teenage kid is not obliged to like it if their dad starts dating someone else.”
“If he then marries her, he’s also adding a stepmother to their lives without them having any say in the matter.”
“These are teenagers!”
“They don’t have the life experience to know how to deal with this properly, so they’re going to act out.”
“What does the father do?”
“He takes sides.”
“And picks his new wife over his kids.” ~ squigs
Well, OP, Reddit understands your choice… for the most part.
It’s so sad that it all has to come to this kind of situation.
You did a nice thing for this waitress. No doubt she’s grateful.
Hopefully, this can all be resolved peacefully.