Honoring your parents is an integral part of cultures worldwide.
But are there limits?
What if your relationship with your parents is not the best?
One adult child of difficult parents wondered if they were wrong to not honor one of their parents’ requests. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor Parentsvsbed asked:
“AITA for not letting my parents use my bed while they visit my house?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My mom, stepdad, and I have a… troubled relationship. They’re a Karen and a Ken.”
“If you’ve seen the movie Red Eye, they’re that obnoxious hotel couple. Regardless, they are visiting this week.”
“They came in from out of town which is always stressful for me and my husband.”
“My husband and I have a queen bed. We have a twin bed in one bedroom, a full bed in our main guest room.”
“We put my parents in the full. The full bed is not some rickety old thing—it’s maybe five years old?”
“My parents came to me this morning and told me they had just the worst night of sleep. They said the full bed isn’t big enough for them, they got no sleep, they are so grouchy today, and could we please give them our bed for the week?”
“I was all ‘o.O?!!’ I said no. For me, it’s not just our bed—my parents would absolutely be the type to snoop around our bedroom.”
“My parents have been complaining off and on all day. They had an extra cup of coffee because they’re so tired.”
“They need Advil because their back is so sore. Stuff like that.”
“My husband has ignored them for the most part. My stepdad tried to be all buddy buddy and hint at the bed swap to my husband.”
“AITA? Should I give my parents my bed?”
The OP added:
“They are larger people. Not sure if this makes a difference!”
Ordinarily Redditors would weigh in using four voting codes:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. This is YOUR house and YOUR bed.
“I’m sure they don’t offer you their bed when you visit. They shouldn’t expect you to, but they are obviously entitled.”
“Tell them they have three choices….”
“1. Deal with the full size bed.”
“2. One of them sleeps in the full and the other in the twin.”
“3. They pay for a hotel room.”
“Of course, #4 would be that they never bring their entitlement to your doorstep again.” ~ BrennaLyons
“Or offer to get a queen size inflatable mattress 🤣that’ll end the conversation really quickly.” ~ changeneverhappens
“NTA. ‘They said the full bed isn’t big enough for them, they got no sleep, they are so grouchy today, and could we please give them our bed for the week?'”
“‘Oh you know what? I just read how sleeping on a nice, hard floor is supposed to do wonders for your back and leave you feeling refreshed and rejuvenated! Let me help get you set up…’.” ~ StAlvis
“You should give them the number to the nearest hotel. You are NTA here at all, but they certainly are for acting this way.”
“You have two beds available, they can sleep separately, make do together, or go to a hotel. There is no circumstance in which it is acceptable to ask your host for their bed.”
“Period.”
“When you visit family, you make do with the accommodations provided and are thankful for not having to have a hotel room. You swallow your words about lost sleep or aches and pains the bed causes.”
“Hubs and I once shared the guest room at my grammy’s house which has an absolutely intolerable bed. For a week.”
“And were grateful to be able to wake up on the farm instead of a hotel.” ~ Alert-Potato
“Exactly, NTA and extremely entitled. If any guests in my house had a problem with the guest bed, they can pack up and go to a hotel.”
“I get that they’re bigger, but the option of having them use separate beds is a good one. Honestly, I sleep better alone anyway, especially in a new place.” ~ peachgrill
“When my parents became empty nesters, they kept all of our twin beds and anyone who wants to visit and isn’t cool with a twin bed gets the phone number for the nearest hotel. NTA.” ~ that-weird-catlady
“Yup. I don’t care who you are, no one is entitled to stay under my roof and then complain that the accommodations aren’t up to their standard, especially when there is more than one bed available.”
“Can you imagine if the tables were turned? I would never think to ask my parents for their bed at their home, so why is the reverse even a question?” ~ peachgrill
“Me and my husband are both larger people, and we are used to a King size. We are miserable when we sleep in a Full Size together, and uncomfortable when we sleep in a Queen together.”
“But do you know who’s problem that is? Mine and my husbands.”
“We have NEVER complained to someone hosting us. And when we stay in hotels, we make a point to upgrade to a king bed, or separate into the 2 queens when we are ready to sleep.” ~ Wonderlandian
“NTA. you’re allowed to have boundaries and your bedroom is a private place.” ~ daenerysstargaryen
“NTA – My parents bought a king sized bed for my guest room as a gift for us so. With the side effect of getting a good night’s sleep for them.”
“Tell them they can buy you a new bed for your guest room or get a hotel room for the visit.” ~ CalvinR
“NTA.”
“You bought a nice new bed.”
“It is a private room.”
“They are capable of sleeping elsewhere – even if that means a hotel.”
“If you bought the queen bed to be a guest bed it would be in the guest room and they would already be sleeping on it.”
“Also I NEVER want my parents sleeping in my bed. That’s just gross. I have sex there!” ~ UnApprovedActivities
“OP said the parents will most likely snoop through their stuff. I don’t know about you, but I’m sure they have stuff they don’t want their folks snooping around and finding, even if it’s not toys for sex or lingerie.”
“I wouldn’t want mine looking at my underwear and bras, digging through my chocolate stash in my nightstand, or screwing around with my video game console in my room! Snooping through your child’s and their spouse’s stuff is just creepy.” ~ missy-63
While it may not bring about a resolution with their parents, at least the OP knows Reddit thinks they’re right. It’s OK to set limits with your parents, even if your parents don’t agree.