There are very few parents in the world who wouldn’t say that they want their children to have everything they could ever want, especially the things they themselves weren’t able to have as children.
But parents still need to teach their children gratitude as well as grace for the things they don’t get, even if they wish they had them, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AppropriteFan9268, however, strongly advocated for her sons’ experiences and was especially passionate about family ties and people experiencing important family moments.
So when some of her nieces were invited to a bridal shower, the Original Poster (OP) felt that her similarly aged sons also should be.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for trying to get my son into an event that he’s not invited to?”
The OP was recently invited to a bridal shower.
“My husband’s cousin, Amelia, is getting married and is having a bridal shower in a few weeks.”
“I was the only one in my household invited, so I assumed there were no kids invited, which is pretty standard.”
“However, through a few family members, I came to find out that the girls in the family were invited but not the boys. Fine, I’ve heard of that before.”
Because they wanted to go, the OP tried to bring her sons.
“However, my two sons (9 and 7) heard that their girl cousins were invited, and my seven-year-old felt very left out.”
“My nine-year-old, Jake, doesn’t care and doesn’t want to go anyway, but my seven-year-old, Andrew, is upset. He cried and asked if he could go.”
“I reached out to my husband’s aunt, Liz, who is hosting the shower to see if an exception could be made for Andrew.”
“She was nice about it but said that the reason they hadn’t invited boys was because of venue limitations and also the theme (diamonds are a girl’s best friend) is very feminine.”
“She said Amelia adores my boys, but many of her friends have sons and she just can’t accommodate them all.”
“She was apologetic and I ended the conversation because it was awkward.”
The OP thought about continuing the conversation.
“However, Andrew is still upset and I’m thinking of reaching out to Liz again to see if an exception should be made.”
“My husband thinks I need to let it go.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some encouraged the OP and her son, Andrew, to hear the word, “no.”
“YTA”
“Stop insisting. The first time was a polite conversation, but the second request is likely to be frowned upon, especially since the bride won’t change her mind.”
“This is a learning moment for your child, explain to him that he won’t always get what he wants in life and that he won’t be invited to every event. And there will be plenty of events to which he won’t be invited.” – Asciutta
“OP is TA and needs to stop, but I disagree that the first time was ‘polite conversation.’ It was an attempt to finagle preferential treatment for her child, and her child alone, because she apparently has a problem with telling him ‘no.’ Trying to get an invitation for someone who was clearly not invited is definitely not polite.” – Ukulele__Lady
“Seriously, the gross entitlement here! No suprise the child can’t accept a no when his parent can’t take one either. Insufferable! YTA majorly for even asking.” – Which_Translator_548
“I can’t stand parents who raise kids like this and then put them out into the world for the rest of us to deal with.”
“Signed, a mom of 14- and 10-year-old boys who know how to take NO for an answer.” – Themlf18
“I see so many people having kids now who literally cannot parent for s**t.”
“So many parents who don’t have the backbone or strength of personality to simply teach their kids by telling them NO. They are creating gross, entitled, sociopathic kids who are going to grow up and become society’s problem.”
“It’s insane to think there are parents out there that think this is a debatable issue.”
“Just tell your little spawn NO and don’t crumble just because he CRIES. If he cries every time he’s told NO, it’s because you are such a s**tty parent that you have conditioned him to be a spineless thing that cries just because it hears NO.”
“Think about what kind of human you’re creating. Think about how s**tty of a friend, coworker, partner, or spouse they are going to become when you’ve conditioned them to be entitled and spineless.” – seafoamspider
Others agreed and pointed out that this was a teachable moment for the OP’s son.
“Are you f**king kidding me? No. Not okay. You are so far out of line, you have left the county. This is a teachable moment for your son that he doesn’t get to go everywhere he wants and he won’t be invited to everything. This is a girls-only event, so he doesn’t belong there.”
“You have an absolute f**k-ton of nerve not taking no for an answer and harassing these people for an invite. Why aren’t you doing your job and parenting instead of placating your son? If it were my event, I would have disinvited you by now.”
“YTA.” – Ornery-Octopus
“There are also going to be events he gets invited to that other people who want to go are not.”
“It’s worth remembering how it feels now, to help manage how you behave if you’re ever in the second situation, AKA: don’t go shoving your attendance in other people’s faces.” – hez_lea
“Kids (and adults) need to learn that the sun doesn’t rise and set on their shoulders. The sooner people learn that, the happier life will be for them.”
“OP, you are setting your child up for a massive world of hurt if you truly believe you are in the right here. Kids need to learn the word no. They need to learn that some spaces are not for them.”
“Signed, a Mom to both boys and girls.” – lovetotravelanytime
“What if you hadn’t asked, got there, and found out an exception had been made for another little boy but not your own? How would that make you feel?”
“You and your child’s feelings are not more important than anyone else’s, including the bride’s and the other mothers leaving their sons at home and the venue’s, for that matter.”
“YTA, children want to do all kinds of things they’re not allowed to do. The answer is no.” – AnonaDogMom
“It was out of line for OP to even call and ask in the first place! The fact that OP wants to call a second time and uses the phrasing ‘to see if an exception should be made’ is ridiculous.”
“Maybe she doesn’t tell her son no because she has no backbone as a parent, or maybe she has issues with entitlement and thinks her son deserves special treatment.”
“In any case, there are going to be many problems down the road for these kids and I hope OP realizes and corrects it so her children can be healthy adults one day.” – Anjeglug
Disturbingly, this was not the first time that the OP felt entitled to fight for her sons’ “rights” to something.
Approximately four months prior to this post, the OP posted about her biological cousin having a baby and her insistence that her sons be able to hold the newborn.
“AITA for calling my cousin out for letting other kids hold her baby and leaving mine out?”
“I (39 Female) have two sons, ages nine and six. I have a very close family and my cousins are like siblings to me and their kids are like cousins to my own kid.”
“My cousin, Ella (30 Female), just had a full-term, healthy, baby girl about two weeks ago. My oldest son Chris has been so excited to meet his new cousin and had been asking us every day since May when the baby would arrive. He’s a sweet kid and he loves younger kids.”
“After the baby was born, she told us she wanted to have immediate family for just the first few weeks. I was very patient and didn’t bug to come over. My kids were preemies and we didn’t let anyone see them or hold them for quite some time.”
“But earlier this week, she texted everyone that she was ready to have visitors so we scheduled a time to come Thursday. My other cousin, Kayla, went with her girls, ages five and seven, on Tuesday, and Ella posted pictures of the visit with Kayla and her girls all taking turns holding the baby. I showed my oldest son the pictures because he’s been asking to see baby pictures. Kayla is of equal relation to Ella as I am, each of our parents are siblings.”
The OP expected the same interaction for her sons.
“I went with my sons and when we arrived, Ella asked me if I wanted to hold her daughter. My sons and I all washed our hands, and I held the baby for a few minutes.”
“Then my oldest son asked if he could hold the baby and Ella immediately interjected with, ‘Only grown-ups can hold her, sorry.’ My son asked me why Kayla’s daughters could hold her and Ella responded with, ‘Sorry, but you can’t hold her, end of story.'”
“I said to her, ‘I know what it’s like to have a newborn, and you have every right to be protective. However, it’s hurtful that you posted pictures of another child holding your baby when you know Chris has been so excited for the baby.'”
“She said she doesn’t need to justify her parenting to anyone and she’s perfectly allowed to let Kayla’s kids hold her baby and not allow other children to do the same.”
“I agreed with her but said it would be nice if she hadn’t posted about it. She said I had no right to tell her what to post about her own child and that my sons shouldn’t be seeing her social media posts. Ella has always been kind to my sons, but I do feel like she worships little girls, and I’m thinking she let Kayla’s kids hold her baby because they’re girls.”
“My other thought is that she’s holding it against me because I didn’t let people visit my babies since they were preemies, but Kayla let everyone see hers immediately (she was understanding at the time, but who knows if she was annoyed and is holding a grudge).”
“Regardless, I feel bad for Chris. This conversation also all happened right in front of him, which I’m very upset about.”
“I’m not saying she’s obligated to let anyone hold her baby, I just think it’s not very nice that other children of equal relation were allowed to hold the baby and mine weren’t. I think she should have at least kept that private because now my son’s feelings are hurt.”
“My mom thinks I am the a**hole though and thought I was very rude. What do you think? Am I the a**hole?”
Some Redditors specifically brought this up when discussing the new post, urging the OP to learn about entitlement and break the cycle with her sons.
“I checked out OP’s other post and it looks like this behavior is a recurring theme of entitlement with how she parents her kids.”
“On her last post here, MULTIPLE people had the same advice to give about a ‘teaching moment’ for her sons and it clearly isn’t getting through to her.” – Ill-Connection7397
“On her last post, I was leaning toward NTA, but upon reading this one, she is a huge AH who is raising entitled children who will grow up to be entitled Adults and Gods know there are already enough of them in this world.” – Initial-Ad2243
“Based on her other post, she has a history of this kind of behavior. Particularly when it comes to her younger son. I think she enjoys the drama.” – Low-Replacement1884
“I get some serious ‘main character’ vibes from her. She has a concept of how the world should work, especially in regards to her children, and she apparently has no capacity to understand alternate points of view on the topic.” – BookwyrmDream
“I read that post as well. OP has some very misguided ideas when it comes to how she expects others to treat her sons. When a mom says No, about holding a baby or hosting a bridal shower or ANYTHING ELSE, you don’t argue with them about it.” – Live_Western_1389
“She got voted NTA on that first post, I believe PURELY because there was no context on her boys and their behavior. With a mother like her, the kids probably have no boundaries, no rules, and are outright terrors, and that’s why the woman wouldn’t let them hold the baby (or why they’re now not wanted at this bridal shower!).”
“She’s h**l-bent on her kids being so involved because a lot of parents treat their kids like their besties instead of children, and I think that’s really backfiring on them, as far as what other people allow them to do and whether or not they want to invite them.” – Forward_Material_378
“This is your second post about your boys ‘not getting to do something.’ If you addressed your sons again after the ‘not getting to hold the baby’ issue, you can use that experience to talk about this one.”
“You can call back to that time, explaining how sometimes people don’t get to do something. It’s okay and there’s time when they can.”
“But if you skipped that learning experience. Well here’s a second go around.” – AdIntrepid4978
“Based on your previous post and this one, you are the reason for the ‘toxic’ in ‘toxic boy mom.'”
“YTA. Both times.” – BellesRose1213
The subReddit was already infuriated by the OP’s entitlement from making that phone call and considering calling again, but when they realized that she had similar feelings a few months ago, they were livid. It was clear that the OP was used to either prioritizing her and her sons’ comfort above everyone else’s, or at least never saying no to her sons to make her role as a mom ‘easier.’
Either way, the OP needed to teach her sons the importance of hearing the word no and accepting rejection with grace. It would only serve them in the long run to know those things, and by making them easier to be around for other people, they’d be more likely to make lasting relationships, which would inevitably lead to more invitations to hold babies and to attend exclusive parties.