Living with your parents as an adult can be a difficult and awkward situation. And for one woman on Reddit, things got extra dramatic when she tried to protect her privacy.
So the woman, who goes by the name ChipsandPepsi on the site, took her story to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit to get some perspective.
The Original Poster (OP) asked:
“AITA for putting a lock on my room door after mother threw away new clothes?”
She explained:
“I, 35f[emale[ live with my parents. No kids, full time job and pay $650.00 rent a month. My parents are legally separated but have stayed living together for the past 10 years.”
“Basically, we all live in a roommate situation. Everyone buys and cooks their own food, everyone tidies up the communal spaces and for the most part we just all do our own thing.”
“5 years ago I had my own apartment but lost my job, car and good credit. Mom invited me to move back in so I could rebuild and I’ve been doing well in fixing credit and saving money. Mom guilts me to stay now because she relies on my rent $.”
“My mom has always been nosy and overbearing. As children, she never gave me or my brother privacy. Now that I’m home again, she’s got a habit of doing a quick knock on my door and then opening it before I can say ‘come in’.”
“She’s obtrusive when I’m on the phone and gets angry when I ask her to leave my doorway. I’ve nicely requested that she stay out of the room when I’m not home but I know she goes through my stuff. She calls my room dirty but it’s not; some clothes on a chair and an unmade bed is not the end of the world.”
“Things blew up when I received a package of lingerie. I immediately tried everything on and of course my mom picked that moment to leave her room to come knocking at my door.”
“I yelled for her not to come in. She got huffy and went back into her room slamming her door. I got irritated and took all the new pieces and shoved them back in the shipping bag along with all the tissue paper and clear plastic.”
“I left the package on the chair that I throw my dirty clothes on. I leave for work the next day and come back home to no clothes or package on the chair. I ask my mom if she’d seen it and she says ‘yes, I threw your trash away and washed your clothes’.”
“I kind of lost it. I told her that she’d thrown out $80.00 of brand new underwear and she had no right to be in my room in the first place. She yelled back that it was her house and if I didn’t keep my room a pigsty, she wouldn’t have a reason to go in there.”
“Today, I went and bought a new locking doorknob and installed it while my mom was out of the house then I left for the day. About 2 hours after I left, my mom started blowing up my phone with angry texts demanding I change the doorknob back and that I didn’t have her permission.”
“When I got home, I completely ignored her and locked myself in my room as she banged on the door and screamed for 5 minutes straight. I’m now looking for apartments. I was saving for a house down payment but I can’t take this drama.”
“Brother says I should have left years ago and that our mom is too manipulative. My friend says that I should not have put a lock on the door without permission and should have just moved out as soon as possible. 4 days in and Mom has yet to apologize for tossing my lingerie, just gave me the silent treatment until today when she blew up about the lock.”
“AITA for installing the lock?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to evaluate who was in the wrong based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
For them, this conflict was a no-brainer.
“I read the title and I pay 650 in rent and I knew OP was NTA. It’s your room, do whatever you want with it. Your parents don’t tell at your neighbors for locking their front door, right? But I agree, you need to get out of that situation OP.” —R41ndr0p12
“You pay rent! You are not NTA- but yes it’s time to move out for privacy. Yikes! What does Dad think? Does she snoop in his room too?” —82momma
“You pay rent and are thus a renter. Your space is your space and no landlord has the right to barge into the room, even more so with you not there.” —trick2011
“1000% NTA. You’re not a child. You pay rent. You are allowed privacy. If you weren’t already looking to move I would have suggested it.” —OboesHay
“NTA. Considering you’re paying rent you should be living there as a roommate with privacy as opposed to her daughter she thinks it’s okay to not have boundaries with.” —convertingcreative
“NTA you pay that much rent and this entitled woman has the gall to go into another woman’s bedroom, rifle through her shit, and throw said shit away? There is NO WAY she didn’t see your delicate undertrimmings. She sounds like a treasure, bless her heart.” —olerndurt
OP later added some updates.
“Thank you to everyone who offered home resource links, awards, words of encouragement and optimism for my future as a woman living independently again. I truly appreciate it. Now, I have a plan for how things will go until I get a place.”
“-I will deduct $80.00 from next month’s rent”
“-I will keep the lock on the door and let my mom know that it will be changed back when I leave”
“-I have put the brakes on house hunting for now. I want to save more. For now, I will look for an apartment share situation so I can pay a rent close to what I do now.”
“-My brother is nice and would take me in if I was truly homeless. He has his own family and lives about an hour away so that won’t work for me.”
“-My mom is not dangerous although she might be a narcissist and a horrible snoop that took it too far this time. When she’s not being ridiculous, she’s actually fine to be around. However, I will keep our relationship as LC as possible for the time being.”
“-I have asked my friends to put out feelers for apartment/roommate situations in my price range. I am also scheduled for a couple of virtual apt tours as well as 1 in person, so YES I am very serious about leaving asap.”
“-I told my dad about it and shocker, my mom got to him first and played the victim. He took my side and told her she should have minded her business and stayed out of my room. He offered me money to put towards a new place security deposit but I declined.”
“I hope this was a good update for everyone. Thanks again!”
Hopefully OP can have an easy and satisfying start to her new life in her own space away from her mom’s prying eyes!