Even if we’re not always comfortable discussing everything with them, our parents should be the people we should be able to trust more than anyone.
Indeed, not having parents who are trustworthy is often a key indication of a toxic, or unsafe household.
Redditor huitzilopetl always had a difficult relationship with his parents, but a recent episode with his mother resulted in his declaration that he would never speak to her again.
Wondering if this was too severe a punishment for her actions, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to speak to my mom after she listened in on my therapy session?”
The OP shared how he thought he finally found an outlet to address several deeply rooted issues with his family and his childhood.
“I’m 20 M[ale] and am taking the summer off of school to work.”
“I still live at home with my parents but am doing what I can to pull up my bootstraps and become independent.”
“I’ve had to deal with a lot of adversity and emotional trauma over the years, and only as of recent have I found a therapist to help sort it all out.”
“My first meeting was yesterday.”
“Because they had scheduled a telemed appointment for convenience.”
“I wanted to make sure it was private, so I sent my room and shut the door.”
“I thought my mom was in another room when I began my session.”
“I vented about EVERYTHING to my new therapist after having to bottle it up for years.”
“About me feeling like the family scapegoat, my sheltered upbringing and lack of sociability, how my parents believe in nonsense like alternative medicine and untested therapies, how I used to like really questionable anime porn and absolutely regret and hate myself for it, etc.”
“Granted, it was a bit much for them to take in, but they reassured me that I should be proud of myself for seeking counseling and we would go over things one by one.”
However, the OP soon discovered that his confidential discussion with his therapist was not as private as he’d hoped it was.
“When I got out of my room to get a snack I heard my mom tell me about how she was astounded by all the things I had told my therapist but not her.”
“At this point I asked her if she listened in on my therapy session, and she said she did.”
“I absolutely lost it.”
“I screamed at her at the top of my lungs about how I made sure to sequester myself away so as to keep things private, that she has no right to listen in on my medical stuff.”
“How behavior like this is exactly why I need therapy and she crossed a f*cking line.”
“I don’t feel like I can ever trust her again and from now on she can expect me to limit contact with her.”
“I refused to eat dinner with my family last night and haven’t said a word to her since.”
“This morning my mom came into my room and told me about how she’s really hurt at what I said.”
“She’s just looking out for me as a parent and that for me to tell her what I did was absolutely low of me.”
“I didn’t say anything, but I think she does have a point and can’t help but feel awful for majorly overreacting like I did.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had every right to call his mother out, and that he was not at all the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s mother broke a serious boundary, and felt she had no right whatsoever to tell the OP how hurt she was by his reaction, with a handful urging him to move out quickly.
“NTA.”
“At your next therapy session, which hopefully you will be able to find someplace genuinely private to have.”
“Please bring up your mother’s attempt to guilt trip you with her hurt feelings in an effort to avoid addressing your entirely reasonable anger over her boundary-crossing, let alone apologizing for it and committing to do better.”
“Because no, she is not looking out for you, or she’d respect that you need a safe space to work things through.”
“Even when those things are things you don’t like about her.”- mm172
“NTA.”
“She had no right to listen in on your therapy session.”
“None.”- Katana1369
“NTA.”
“Therapy is confidential.”
“She knew that.”
“She hasn’t been living under a rock for the last 100 years.”
“She listened on purpose and then told you how you hurt HER when she eavesdropped.”
“I also didn’t hear a damn apology from her.”
“Would she think it’s ok for you to read her diary?”
“No.”
“She did cross a line and it was a big one.”- QuebecSausage
“NTA.”
“She disregarded your boundaries and privacy by listening to your therapy session, something that was supposed to be confidential.”
“She absolutely crossed a line and I don’t think you over reacted.”- nobunnyhere
“No, your mom was completely out of line.”
“She listened in to your therapy session.”
“This is so incredibly taboo.”
“She deliberately lied to you beforehand and let you think it was private to lull you into a false sense of security so that you’d feel safe to tell the truth and completely open up to your therapist.”
“She did this so she could really get inside your head.”
“She knew that if she told you before you spoke to your therapist that she was going to listen in that you wouldn’t have opened up or been honest with your therapist.”
“So, she deliberately tricked you to be able to learn private things about you that she could use against you in future.”
“If she thought you’d be honest with your therapist if you knew she was listening in, she would have told you she would listen in.”
“She has the cheek to pretend that she did it for your benefit.”
“She didn’t.”
“She did it for her own benefit so she can control you.”
“She is lying to you again now.”
“Trying to manipulate you and control you and trying to manipulate you into apologizing to her.”
“Your gut instinct and behavior towards her is completely justified.”
“Your mom is a liar and a narcissist.”
“So she knows what she did was wrong, but she is trying to bully you to get you to admit that you were wrong.”
“Look up ‘DARVO’.”
“It’s the playbook for narcissists when they’re messing with someone’s head.”- Bruiscear
“NTA.”
“She’s victimizing herself, but you’re the victim here. what she did was wrong.”- llunaticaa
“NTA .”
“GET OUT ASAP.”-melloyellomio
“NTA.”
“That’s such an egregious violation of privacy that I hardly know where to begin.”
“The real icing on the cake is that she tried to guilt you into feeling like you’re the one who did something wrong afterwards.”
“Lord love a duck.”
“I went on a several day rafting trip.”
“The guide said at the beginning that privacy is something we give each other, even when we’re not in close quarters where we all watch each other pee, bathe, or change clothes in the river.”
“That stuck with me.”
“Look away.”
“Don’t listen.”
“Step out of the room.”
“It’s such a beautiful act of courtesy.”- Previous_Chipmunk933
“This is all a perfectly reasonable response, IMO.”
“NTA.”
“Move out when you can and move on.”- aabbccbb
“NTA.”
“Whoa but your mom sure is.”
“You are a grown adult.”
“That was crossing way over the line and you absolutely deserve to be pissed.”
“Now she’ll probably talk with other family members about what she heard also.”
“Very eww behavior on her part.”- Short-Classroom2559
“NTA.”
“She absolutely violated your privacy.”
“This was also a violation of the doctor/patient confidentiality.”
“This was none of her business.”
“I am astounded that she thinks that it was okay for her to do that.”
“What you said sounds absolutely accurate.”
“No, she does NOT have a point.”- patjames904
“NTA.”
“Never ok.”
“Def agree to get out asap.”-kittycatfiche
“NTA.”
“You did not overreact, and don’t let your mother manipulate you to think you did.”
“You can’t change her, but you can change how you view her crossing of some pretty obvious boundaries.”
“Talk to your therapist about what happened.”
“BTW, both my spouse and I do weekly individual telehealth therapy sessions and we make sure we leave the house for the other’s session so we can talk freely about things, including our relationship with one another.”- ArmNo8807
It’s pretty hard to imagine that any parent could think that it was appropriate to listen to their child’s therapy session.
Making it all the more understandable why the OP felt the need to find a therapist in person.
Here’s hoping he’ll be able to speak to his therapist in a safe, and private, place going forward.