in , , , ,

Mom Sets Off Pregnant Daughter By Telling Her To Dress More ‘Modestly’ In ‘Mommy Clothes’

Pregnant woman exposing her stomach in crop top.
aire images/Getty Images

No matter how old their children get, parents will always continue to worry about them.

Not to mention, continue to frustrate and annoy them.

Even when their children are grown adults, parents still find themselves making comments or suggestions about the way their children live their lives which is often anything but appreciated.

The teenage daughter of Redditor ShowerNo127 ended up leaving university and moving back in with her, after an unexpected change in her life.

The original poster (OP) couldn’t help but give her input on a certain area.

Input her daughter didn’t appreciate one but, causing some significant friction between them.

Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for telling my daughter to dress up more modestly now that she’s pregnant?”

The OP explained why she felt the need to tell her daughter to change her wardrobe during pregnancy:

“My (45 F[emale]) daughter (19 F) is pregnant.”

“She was in college but got pregnant and now she’s living at home with me again.”

“She’s nearing her fifth month now.”

“So the problem we had is that her breasts are very obviously growing.”

“She was a cup c (sometimes b) before, now her biggest bras are starting to feel too tight on her.”

“Well, I recommended her to buy some new bras and she got some d cup that somewhat fit her (some are a little bigger but we’d figure that was better so she wasn’t as uncomfortable, plus her breasts will probably keep growing a little more).”

“Well, the thing is that she changed her bra size, but she’s still wearing her same old shirts.”

“Some of them are fine, but some of them show too much.”

“Sometimes she wears tank tops or shirts that have all of her cleavage uncovered.”

“And I mean, that’s fine when we’re home since it’s only us, but she wears them out sometimes.”

“So I advised her to wear her more modest shirts and I told her we could buy some extra more ‘mommy style’ shirts, not only because her normal shirts will get ruined if she continues to wear them (too stretched) but also because she’s a grown up woman now and needs to dress more accordingly.”

“She told me off, said she’ll dress up however she wants and to stop trying to tell her what to do all the time.”

“I told her I was trying to help her mature because she’ll need it soon, she can’t dress up like she’s going to a party everyday, especially not now that she’s about to be a mother.”

“Well, she told me to stop ‘b*tching,’ said it’s hot, and she wants to wear the clothes she likes, not dressing like an old lady.”

“I asked her if she thought this was a game?”

“Because she doesn’t seem to be mature at all, she told me that I’m always telling her what to do, and she’s sick of it, so I told her that if she’s sick, she could easily leave and be responsible for her actions.”

“Well, we’re both angry now.”

“I told her that I’m helping her out of the kindness of my heart, so she should listen to what I’m saying or leave.”

“She went crying to her father, and he called me telling me off too and saying I should let her be and dress up however she wants.”

“Am I an a**hole for this?”

The OP later returned, sharing that some of her terminology might have been lost in translation:

“Apparently, it’s called maternity clothes, not ‘mommy clothes’ in English.”

“I apologize; I meant maternity clothes.”

“By modest, I mean clothes that are appropriate to her size?”

“I thought that was the correct word?”

“I’m Argentinian, not from US.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling her daughter to wear more appropriate clothing.

Most felt that the OP was clearly just looking out for her daughter’s comfort while also giving her the reality check she needed, with even more people taking her side after she clarified what she meant by “mommy style” clothes.

“I’m going to say NTA because of the edits.”

“From what I understand in your edits, you’re trying to encourage your pregnant daughter to wear maternity clothes that actually fit her, which is a totally normal thing most women do.”

“It sounds like she was very thin before (in a comment) and is wearing the very small tank tops she normally wore pre-pregnancy with no issues.”

“The term ‘modest’ is an immediate trigger for a lot of Reddit (sorry guys, but it is).”

“I think you mean less ‘you can’t wear that because you look like a [insert derogatory, misogynistic term here]’, and more ‘please understand that your body is changing and you need to buy and wear clothes that actually fit your new body shape.'”

“Also, literally maternity clothes, not clothes for ‘mature ladies,’ if you will.”

“If I were to gain 20lbs suddenly, I would certainly buy and wear different clothes.”

“And when I got pregnant with my daughter, now nine months (and I’m 25), I certainly wore maternity clothes because my super cute clothes were now too tight, uncomfortable, and looked like I was stuffed into and spilling out of them.”

“Of course, if you’re upset she’s got some cleavage showing in general, that’s not good.”

“But I think there was just some miscommunication here.”- MsEvelynn

“Unpopular opinion but NTA.”

“I think English is your second language, and you hit a bunch of trigger words to make people think you are sl*t shaming your daughter when you just want her to look into getting clothes that fit properly.”

“It sounds like your daughter is refusing to acknowledge her changing body out of shame or in an attempt to de-center the pregnancy from her mind. Many women do this, and it’s not healthy.”

“I would approach your daughter when you are both less angry and try to empathize with her.”

“Ask her about how she feels mentally.”

“I’m sure she also has disappointment about her situation and doesn’t want to face those realities.”

“If you can afford it perhaps look into therapy for her.”- N-neon


“Everybody here is ignoring the update where you specify you meant MATERNITY CLOTHES.”

“It sounds like you are trying to explain to her that her clothes will not continue to fit the farther along she gets and may not be necessarily flattering to her changing body.”

“All of these people are saying you’re sl*t shaming her or trying to make her dress modestly which doesn’t seem to be the case.”

“If I were 5 months pregnant right now, 98% of my wardrobe would not fit me, and if I wore those shirts, I would look like an adult trying to fit toddler clothes.”

“There is also something to be said about how other people will view her professionally and personally.”

“She shouldn’t be showing up to potential job interviews, doctors appointments, or other official appointments wearing clothes that fit poorly.”- pastapearldesaucer


“Unlike everyone else here, I’m not under the delusion that an inappropriately-clothed person will be treated with the same respect as someone who looks presentable when they interact with the world.”

“She will already be judged enough for being a young mother and a single mother (with no idea who the father is, nonetheless.)”

“She is a perfect target for every negative stereotype about young mothers, and I see that you are trying to protect her from the world perceiving her negatively and the treatment it could expose her and her child to.”

“I work with schoolchildren.”

“Whether or not it’s nice, parents are judged by how they look.”

“I hear how other staff talk when a child’s parent looks sloppy or risqué.”

“It does their child no favors.”

“Someone who doesn’t show that they can dress competently will often be assumed to be incompetent in other ways.”

“That’s the reality of the world, even if it’s not fair or popular to admit.”- GreenVenus7

Others, however, felt the OP was simply being controlling and should have allowed her daughter to wear whatever she wanted and left it at that.


“That’s not ‘kindness’ in your heart.”

“It’s a need to control.”

“By ordering her around, insulting her, and threatening to make her homeless?”

“Have you considered not being an a**hole?”

“Who am I kidding.”

“People like this never think they’re wrong.”- He_Who_Is_Person

Being as young as she is, it’s not surprising that the OP’s daughter took as much offense as she did from her mother telling her to wear different clothes.

What she doesn’t seem to realize fully is that her mother is simply concerned about her health and comfort.

Hopefully, a heart-to-heart will improve their relationship, as one has little doubt the OP’s daughter will want all the love and support she can get when her baby arrives.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.