Honesty is always the best policy, right?
Well, sure, but honesty is not the same as cruelty.
So, what happens when you’re asked a question and the answer you give is decidedly on the wrong side of that line?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Consistent_Event1206 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
In a now-deleted post, she asked:
“AITA for telling my half sister I won’t name a baby after her?”
Just a bit of backstory.
“My husband and I have three children together.”
“Our youngest was born this summer.”
“We have always named our kids after people by not using their direct name.”
“Our oldest girl is Jamie after my brother James, our middle daughter is Cleo after my sister Chloe, and our youngest son is Devon after my husband’s best friend Devine.”
“We spoke to each person we honored prior to finalizing the name.”
“My siblings were so happy, and my husband’s best friend was over the moon.”
“We also never publicly said, oh, we named them after these people. We would just announce the names and leave it there.”
Denied.
“After my third child was born, my half-sister (12) asked me if I would name our next child after her. I told her I would not.”
“She asked if I would name any child I have after her, and my answer was the same, no.”
“She was upset about this.”
“This angered my mom, who said it was clear my kids were named after people and I shouldn’t just honor two siblings and not honor all three.”
“I replied that it should be my and my husband’s choice what we name our children and who we name them after.”
“Mom said I looked my baby sister in the face and crushed her heart and soul and told her that she is not a real sibling and only full siblings are worthy of being honored.”
“She said I had treated a child like sh*t, and I should have offered to let her help pick a name or something to smooth things over.”
“But instead, I said no and acted like her feelings didn’t matter.”
“My mom also had some things to say to my husband, and he ignored her. He told me about it, and I told her to keep my husband out of it.”
“She said I can take the role of sole a**hole.”
“Though she said my siblings were close since they didn’t care about our half-sister feeling upset either, according to mom.”
OP was left to wonder,
AITA?
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
How you say it.
“There was a nicer way to deliver the news to your half-sister. She is only 12. You can name your kids whatever you want, of course, but don’t be a dick to a child.”
“YTA for that.” ~ ThatWhichLurks782
“Also, she can name the kids whatever she wants, but she is still pretty clearly singling her SS out of the family with her choices.”
“She named all of her kids after siblings so far but does not want to include SS.”
“The name is her choice, but it still sends a clear message of ‘your not a real sibling'”~ jackofslayers
“Jeez your sister (half whatever) is only 12. You could have been kinder towards her; you don’t have to name a child after her, but you also could have had a bit of tact”
“Edited to add YTA” ~ Impossible_Ask_3564
“I don’t agree with that specifically as a response, but I do agree that, given the half-sister’s age, kinder wording would have been better.”
“12 is still so young and impressionable, and she probably already feels like the odd one out between all her siblings.”
“‘We’ll see’ is just as well as saying ‘maybe’ which leaves room for hope when OP knows for sure it would not happen.”
“It’s just a lie.”
“Not only would sis be crushed that they don’t plan to name after her, but she’d have the added hurt of being lied to from the very start.”
“YTA, not because of the choice, but the way you said it.”
“You have your reasons, but no way OP didn’t see Sis get upset the first time they asked.”
“OP could have softened the blow by giving a non-lie answer, even if it was thought on the spot”
“(Not ‘the kids were named after people important to us,’ which would imply half sis is not important, but iunno ‘people who we’ve gone through a lot with’).” ~ Justcommenting121
What’s in a name?
“You’re right about people ending up with unfortunate names.”
“I had a friend in grade school named Benjamin.”
“His family has the last name of Dover.”
“I hope it was just a case of his parents not realizing that all the people he met would likely tease him relentlessly.”
“He didn’t start getting horrendously teased until around 5th-6th grade. Let’s just say he got into more than his fair share of physical altercations as time went on.”
“He eventually insisted on people calling him by his middle name.”
“Once that was done, his school life went a lot better.”
“Fortunately, all of this happened in a time when school shootings weren’t a common occurrence.”
“Well before the Columbine shooting.”
“If we’d gone to school 10-15 years later, I have a feeling Benjamin Dover may have followed suit and done something similar.”
“Parents need to quit worrying about their children’s names being unique. Or not thinking of the nasty repercussions that a poorly chosen name may have on a child.” ~ IFdude1975
“I knew someone named Harry Balls, he changed his name as soon as he could. I always wonder how much his parents hated him to name him that.” ~ thanatos_kai
“In my residency, a woman named each of her triplets a varied spelling of Darryl (After the 3 brothers on the sitcom ‘Newhart’ ) .”
“There are women in the South named ‘Female’ ( FEE-Mal-Lee) .”
“The moms were young and thought the hospital had already named their child ‘Female Jones. Female Smith ” …I thought this tale was an urban legend until my sibling met a lady with that name.”
“There are even worse examples I heard about while training —youth and poor education wreaks havoc.” ~ FireBallXLV
“Yeah, parents need to realize that they’re naming their child, not choosing a name for themselves.”
“No kid should have to be bullied just because their parents wanted their name to be unique or because the parents didn’t think the name through.”
“Benjamin’s name sounds like the parents didn’t even consider how his name could be shortened and what that would mean with his last name.” ~ Ravenz3333
This one sums it up nicely.
“YTA.”
“You clearly have beef with the twelve-year-old.”
“Now, granted, I may not know what that ‘beef’ is or where it originates from (her birth, her conception, differing fathers, parental favoritism, maybe?).”
“But… I highly doubt it is in anyway actually that little girl’s fault, whatever it is.”
“I can understand you being less close with her than your other siblings due to the age gap you two have or struggling to connect with her because of it, but your relationship (or lack thereof with her) sounds very cold here, if not outright antagonistic.”
“Go ahead and name your already existing and metaphorical, imaginary, and hypothetical future children whatever you want. After all, you are the parent here, so you and your husband do have all the naming rights.”
“But you could have handled this conversation with your sister way better than you did.”
“She’s twelve, for god’s sake.”
“Quite frankly, I don’t blame your sister for feeling singled out at all (because she clearly is), especially after the conversation you two had.”
“In which you made your thoughts and feelings towards her, her existence in your life, and your relationship with each other (or more precisely, your lack thereof) pretty clear…”
‘“Will you name your next child after me too?”’
‘“No.”’
‘“Will you ever name ANY child you have after me?”’
‘“No.”’
“Stone cold, OP.”
“For all she knows, you might be planning to start another Brady Bunch or Duggers, family; you could have up to sixteen or so kids.”
“Whether you realize it or not (and I think you do), you’re essentially implying to your sister that you could have over a hundred kids.”
“But you would still never name one single child after her when you clearly have an ongoing theme of naming your kids after other family members and loved ones.”
“Almost as if you’re outright avoiding using her name because you don’t like her or care about her. Almost as if you dislike her.”
“You’re a mother, so how in the world are you capable of mistreating another child like this?” ~ AmbitiousOrange_242
Honesty is the best way to treat situations, but kindness is the best way to treat people.
Perhaps there’s another solution, like a middle name or some sort of planned activity to make the half-sister feel more involved in the baby’s life?
We hope there’s some resolution for all parties involved, as this should be a celebration.