My father spent 20+ years in the United States Navy as a nuclear engineer. He graduated high school in 1956 at age 16 as class Valedictorian.
He joined the Navy when he turned 17 that Fall. He was almost immediately recruited to work with Admiral Hyman Rickover's team that converted the Navy from diesel to nuclear power.
After he retired from the Navy, he went to work for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission as an inspector of nuclear reactors in power plants across the United States. He didn't go to college while serving, but he received a lot of training and experience with the Navy so he was fully qualified to work for the NRC.
After his retirement he used the college credits his naval nuclear engineering training gave him to complete a Bachelors of Science degree.
I never considered him uneducated when he was in the Navy. Training and hands-on experience are a type of education.
But not everyone agrees with my opinion of my Father's education level.
A Navy wife disagreed about her own spouse, telling her college friends her submariner husband is uneducated. After her husband's reaction to her and her friends having a good laugh about his education, the wife turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
NavyWifeAITA asked:
"AITA for telling my friends that my husband isn't well read?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Background: My husband (let's call him Will) is in the Navy, and he works on nuclear reactors on submarines. We've been together for 4 years, married for 2."
"We were at a small house party with a few friends of mine from college."
"We were discussing books we've all read, when at one point one of my friends (let's call him Steve) asks Will, 'So Will, what's your favorite book?' and my husband responds, 'Oh, I really like To Kill A Mockingbird'."
"Then Steve gives him a quizzical look and asks him, 'Have you read any books outside of high school?' and Will hesitates a bit and says, 'Outside of manuals at work, I guess I haven't.'"
"So then I try to explain to Steve, 'Oh yeah, he's not well educated, so he's never had a reason to be well-read'."
"We all had a good laugh, but then Will didn't really contribute a whole lot to the conversation the rest of the night."
"On the car ride back, Will was pretty quiet. I ask if he's fine, and all he says in a sarcastic tone is, 'Peachy'."
"I ask him if I did anything to upset him, and he responds back with, 'I don't know. I don't think I'm educated enough to properly explain myself'."
"I tell him I didn't tell my friends that he was unintelligent, just that he wasn't college-educated. He accused me of minimizing how hard his Navy schooling was, but I explained that military education and college education are simply not the same."
"We continued to fight until we got home."
"I texted my sister about what happened, and she called me a huge a**hole and that I need to apologize, and now I'm having second thoughts about how I handled this."
"AITA Reddit?"
The OP summed up their situation.
"After talking to my sister, I can see how what I said may have made my husband feel insecure about his intelligence even though that wasn't my intent."
"I think I could've worded it better and can kind of see where my sister is coming from, but I still think I'm mostly correct."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously declared the OP a complete and utter a**hole.
"YTA. Omg…I think we have found the biggest AH of the day right here…WOW!"
"'Oh he's not well educated…'."
"Your husband works on nuclear reactors, for goodness' sake!!!! He is incredibly intelligent and your college degree would be useless in his field of work."
"Please take your elitist attitudes elsewhere and remember that practical skills are JUST as valuable as intellectual ones." ~ FlyGuy1922
"She's also plain factually wrong. Navy Nuclear Sub training is worth 89 university credit hours." ~ reallybirdysomedays
"Yeah this is honestly pretty crazy to me. I'm a Navy vet, I have a master's degree too, and my Navy training was just as challenging if not more so than my traditional college education."
"It also counted for a good chunk of my college credits. And I wasn't a nuke—what they go through is much, much harder."
"Acting elitist to your own partner is bad enough, but it's ridiculous that they're doing it to a guy with THAT job. Poor guy already does one of the most stressful jobs out there, and his wife treats him like he's stupid." ~ funkolution
"Yeah, my partner was Navy and has a masters and he worked hard on his masters, of course, but he did mention a few times that it didn't feel like he was working hard enough to have earned a masters."
"Alternatively, I don't have a college degree, have a prestigious job, AND I read a decent amount… so… literally having a college education has nothing to do with reading books or being uneducated."
"And the fact that OP says she wasn't saying he was unintelligent, just that he wasn't college educated, that is not what she said. She said he wasn't 'well educated.' That is so demeaning and disrespectful."
"You do not have to go to college to be educated. In fact, it feels like OP proves the opposite. You can go to college and still not be educated. Especially on things like manners and respect." ~ wild-yeast-baker
"It's legitimately one of the hardest jobs in the military. I know a couple dudes that have done it, and others that tried and failed."
"At one point the Navy was offering something like a $90k recruiting bonus for it because it was both so hard and because you could immediately move to the civilian side after finishing your training and enlistment to make an easy six figures, so they couldn't get or keep people." ~ TylerDurdenisreal
"They don't exactly just let anyone work on stuff like that."
"Intelligence isn't equal to big education. You can go through a specialized field. Let's say math. Have a high degree in it. But be dumb as a door with anything else and not know what is up or down on a lid."
"Or barely scrambled through the education and just hit a bit over minimum scores to pass. It doesn't make you the new Einstein because there's a fancy name on the diploma."
"I know plenty who didn't take a big education, but love books. Their elitist view on the world is really annoying." ~ Dangerous-WinterElf
"Also from my college experience, it gives some indication as to what they studied. The only friends I have that regularly read and discuss novels are all arts/humanities."
"I and none of my medical research friends read anything. If you spend all day reading technical info the last thing you want is to go home and read some philosophical wankery from a genius futurist novelist about robot sex workers." ~ dabeho
"The nuclear program in the Navy at least when my Father did it had one of the highest fail rates. My dad hasn't gone to college, but when he wants to he can figure out most problems. Smart man." ~ GoblinisBadwolf
"I come from a Navy family, and my older sister went nuke. I decided to pass on it for an easier job, but yeah, about 2 years of intensive schooling so stressful they have one of the highest death rates of all the schools."
"And I am INSANELY proud of my smart AF sister." ~ mavvie_p
"YTA and so are your friends. 'Then Steve gives him a quizzical look and asks him, "Have you read any books outside of high school?"'."
"Steve can eff right off too."
""Oh yeah, he's not well educated, so he's never had a reason to be well-read". We all had a good laugh'."
"Your pretentious group might believe itself well-read but it clearly lacks any social intelligence." ~ Malibu921
"Also they're literally talking about novels…like don't get me wrong, I love a good novel, but my ability to read them has absolutely zero to do with my intelligence or life skills."
"You certainly wouldn't want me near a nuclear reactor just because I read fiction in my free time." ~ Legal-Ad1727
"She claimed he was uneducated so he had no reason to be well-read, but he went from high school to a 24/7 job in basic training followed by submariner training and nuclear reactor training."
"Now he's serving on a sub. He's not leaving home M-F morning to work on a sub and coming home every evening and having his weekends off. He's deploying in a metal tube underwater for weeks or months at a time."
"My father served as the nuclear engineer on cruisers, destroyers, and battleships in a carrier group. What he could bring on board ship was limited and submariners were even more restricted on personal possessions."
"OP's husband has probably not read a lot since high school because he's been busy serving his country while his wife and her snobby friends were going to parties and had weeks and months off from school with all the free time in the world to read and no restrictions on how many things they could have."
"And these are all things as his wife OP should know and what she should have said when Steve asked if her husband had read anything since high school."
"OP is trash, her friends are trash and I feel sorry for her husband being stuck with a partner who has no clue what an exclusive, elite accomplishment his job is in comparison to her dime-a-dozen college degree." ~ Redditor
The OP didn't respond to any questions in the comments and didn't provide an update after they received judgment.
The first nuclear-powered naval vessel, submarine USS Nautilus (SSN-571), put to sea in 1955.
Since 1948, the United States Navy nuclear program developed 27 different power plant designs, installed them in 210 nuclear-powered ships, took 500 reactor cores into operation, accumulated over 5,400 reactor years of operation, and 128,000,000 miles safely steamed and recycled 98 nuclear submarines and six nuclear cruisers.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.