Friends are an essential part of life.
But they take time and work.
Just because people may have a few things in common doesn’t automatically mean it’s time to announce being besties.
And traveling with people who may be friends takes trust…
You have to trust your friends.
Or at least know their last name before the passport is stamped.
Case in point…
Redditor Winter_Collection592 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not inviting my husband’s friend’s wife?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi all, so me (31 F[emale]) have been married to my husband (32 M[ale]) for four years now.”
“My best friend Ashley and I have been friends since childhood.”
“She’s currently going through a divorce, and we decided to take a girl’s trip for a week.”
“I talked to my husband, and he was excited for us.”
“He has a friend from work that I’ve personally never met, but they seem to be close.”
“My husband mentioned to him that my friend and I were going on a trip.”
“About 2 days later, my husband comes home from work and tells me that his friend’s wife would really like to come with us.”
“I was a bit confused because I’ve never met her, and there was no invitation.”
“I told him no, that this is a trip Ashley and I wanted to take by ourselves.”
“He said his friend’s wife really wanted friends and would enjoy going on this trip with us, and it would mean a lot if I brought her along.”
“I firmly said no.”
“Ashley as well said she wasn’t comfortable as neither one of us know this person.”
“I let my husband know that this wouldn’t be a trip we could bring his friend’s wife on.”
“He got upset and said I was being an AH and that Ashley and I should reconsider.”
“I was still firm and said no but maybe we could meet this woman In the future and take a trip then.”
“He told his friend the news.”
“He came home that night letting me know how upset his friend was and how the wife was really hurt too.”
“I feel like I’m not the AH here, but all of their reactions are making me think I could have handled it better.”
“I feel really bad.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. This is bizarre.” ~ Squinky75
“I’ve met a few people like this in my years, who are often decent people.”
“But have no close friends and therefore latch onto the slightest opportunity to make a friend, come on way too strong, and put themselves back at square one.”
“It’s like the friendship version of the ‘forever alone’ type who becomes enraptured with the barista who made a bit of friendly small talk.” ~ KayCeeBayBeee
“Yeah. I’m a pretty lonely person lol. I’d happily settle for OP’s offer of ‘we can get to know her later’ and can’t imagine expecting strangers to let me tag along.”
“Especially when one is going through a divorce which is the reason for the getaway!” ~ Cosmic_Quasar
“I’d never even ask!”
“Horning in on someone’s private time without even having met them?? Hard pass.”
“Vacations are hard enough to do with people you know, much less ones you don’t. NTA.” ~ Ok-Philosophy-856
“I wonder how much of this the friend’s wife was actually involved in, though.”
“To me, it reads that OP’s husband was talking to his friend about his wife and her friend’s trip.”
“The husband’s friend said something about his wife wanting to make more friends in the area, and OP’s husband, without thinking, said, ‘She should go on the trip with them!'”
“And then the friend went and told his wife all about the trip and implied that she was invited.” ~ CassieBear1
“With that in mind, I think it would be kind of OP to reach out to the wife and maybe invite her to grab drinks or dinner or something with a few other ladies one evening after the trip.”
“I would explain that the trip was just with one other friend who was going through a rough patch.”
“So it was important that it just be the two of them and that it seemed OP’s husband hadn’t realized that when he invited along the friend’s wife.”
“Make it clear that OP never extended the invitation, but the husband did so on his own.”
“And maybe apologize, not for anything you did, OP, but more that there was a miscommunication and that the friend’s wife was left feeling like she got excluded.” ~ CassieBear1
“I find it really hard to believe the friend’s wife had anything to do with it.”
“It definitely sounds like the husbands came up with this idea without thinking, like, ‘Perfect! Problem solved!'”
“I can even imagine the friend’s wife being hesitant, saying, ‘I don’t know about this. I never met these people and feel weird. Are you sure this is ok?.'”
“The guy said, ‘Of course it’s ok! You guys are gonna have a great time!'”
“Now that woman is probably feeling pretty confused & uncomfortable.”
“I doubt the guy explained to her that they didn’t bother to ask OP first because he doesn’t want to appear responsible for this.”
“He’s probably like, ‘I have no idea why they changed their mind!'” ~ Piconaught
“Yeah, he probably heard ‘girl’s trip’ and thought any woman would qualify for inclusion.”
“It’s not a meetup group.”
“It’s a chance for two close friends to connect one-on-one.”
“One or both dudes were way out of line.”
“Who invites themselves on a stranger’s vacation?”
“And who invites people to someone else’s vacation without asking them first?? NTA.” ~ Green_Heron_
“That is super weird. Am I missing something?”
“I empathize with someone who is struggling to make friends as an adult, but inviting yourself on some random trip with people you don’t know is not the solution.”
“NTA, I’d consider your husband TA for even putting you in such a weird situation. He should know better.”
“That being said, invite the couple over, meet your husband’s friend, meet the wife, and stay open to the possibility of getting along!” ~ MilkTax
“These comments really have gone wild. Reddit has some serious trust issues.”
“I think your NTA and both your husband and his friend are well-intentioned idiots.”
“Friend wants to help his wife feel better, and your husband wanted to help, but dropping it on your doorstep was incredibly inconsiderate.”
“Them both getting upset when you said no, makes it a lot worse.”
“I’m glad you stood up for yourself, and eventually, they saw how inappropriate their behavior was.”
“I feel there is every possibility that his friend’s wife was unaware of the nature of the trip you had planned with your friend or that your husband extended the invite before speaking to you.” ~ Ambitious-Muscle-249
“I tell my husband everything. I probably overshare to the point of absolutely driving him mad.”
“I cannot for the life of me think of a reason why I’d ever bring up my coworkers partners trip unless it were somewhere unusual we’ve been to, but even then, I’d probably not.”
“He knows my coworkers and a lot about their life and partners, but a random trip their partners are taking is totally off the radar for normal conversation.”
“I agree there’s something else happening here, as it’s a series of really insane behaviors all at once.”
“OP, NTA. Go be a good friend to your bestie and help her through this divorce.” ~ ummmno_
A small Update…
“Spoke big time with my husband.”
“He didn’t realize what he had caused and just how special and personal this trip was.”
“My husband’s friend sent him a text about how upset and hurt they were that I wouldn’t allow this woman on our trip.”
“He said I needed to reach out and apologize to his wife.”
“My husband immediately told him I will not be doing that and that he himself shouldn’t have put me and Ashley in this position.”
“The friend got very upset and let us know that his wife was suffering from severe Post Partum depression.”
“I feel very badly for her because I’ve been there.”
“I agreed to meet with her for coffee soon.”
“I’m not really sure how to feel.”
“So after speaking to my husband, this is supposedly how things played out.”
“Friend was talking to my husband about how rough life at home had been since he and his wife had their baby about six months ago.”
“My husband mentioned I had struggled with Post Partum Depression as well.”
“He then mentioned my trip, and the friend said that he thought his wife might enjoy that.”
“My husband told him he wouldn’t think I would mind and that he would mention it to me.”
“That whole part made me really, really upset.”
“That’s when my husband and I got into it then all this happened.”
“I’m very introverted, so I never went with my husband when they would go fishing or out to eat.”
“My husband has mentioned in the past that she would almost always tag along.”
“Even if the husband didn’t mention her joining them.”
“I feel like my husband very cluelessly was trying to be helpful, and the friend is desperate to have his wife out of their home for a bit.”
“So this seemed like a smart thing to do.”
“I have a migraine from how ridiculously dramatic today has been.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You and your bestie had a plan for a reason.
This is a lot to process and digest.
Sounds like a ton of mixed messaging.
Hopefully, you and the wife can connect calmly later.
Safe travels.