With inequality in the spotlight, a new father feels how he speaks of others is especially important now, especially around children.
But his father-in-law, who is 70-years-old, does not feel the same way and frequently throws around the “n” word socially. The new dad has always been uncomfortable with this, but given events and his newborn son being exposed to his grandfather’s word choices, he’s feeling more resistant to his father-in-law’s racist behavior.
Redditor “throwaway8282287” asked the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit if he was wrong for feeling this way about his father-in-law, as well as wanting to limit his time and influence around his newborn.
The Redditor asked the thread:
“[Am I the a**hole] for not wanting my wife’s racist father around my newborn?”
The Redditor shared first his father-in-law’s typical behavior.
“My wife (30F) just gave birth to our first baby boy.”
“Her father, 70M, often says the n word and is just in general not very accepting of the Black community.”
“He has gotten so much worse in the past week with all of the current events: throwing the n word around left and right and just being discriminatory.”
“I guess that this is just the ‘old generation’ but nonetheless that is completely a dealbreaker for me.”
He has put up with his father-in-law’s behavior in the past, but the stakes are higher now.
“I have put up with family gatherings with him for our entire relationship. If it was my father I’d cut him off immediately but I can’t make that decision for her so I keep my peace.”
“I have told him I don’t like the word respectfully but he just keeps doing it. I’m old enough to make to decisions, my child is just born and will absorb what is around him.”
Now that their son has been born, he wants his father-in-law to be more mindful.
But his wife and father-in-law do not agree.
“I told my wife I do not want him around our son unless he refuses to say the word.”
“He says he will say whatever he wants because he’s 70 years old and my wife agrees and thinks I am being controlling.”
Now he’s wondering if he’s in the wrong for his feelings.
“I think I have good morals and want what is best for my kid.”
Fellow Redditors shared their opinions anonymously, using the following scale:
- NTA: “Not the A**hole”
- YTA: “You’re the A**hole”
- ESH: “Everybody Sucks”
- NAH: “No A**holes Here”
Some were quick to point out this is not “generational” or “70-year-old” behavior… it’s racist behavior.
“It’s not a generational thing, it’s a racist a**hole thing. NTA.” – DLS3141
“NTA. And no, it’s not a generational thing. Lots of people from that generation know not to say it. 70s is not that old anymore.” – MissEssquire
“Yeahhhhh NTA. I am a close to your wife’s age and my dad is close to your wife’s dad. I don’t think the ‘old generation’ rationalization works here. 70 is not so old you’re going senile and say non-pc things he’s just being a blatantly racist a**hole.”
“If I had a kid I wouldn’t want them picking up that kind of language either. Kids mimic things they hear from adults. My Grandpa is awesome but would yell ‘Godd**nit!’ when he was angry, and me as a two year old gave my parents quite the shock when I shouted that with such gusto.”
“Now imagine that with a horrible racist word… Not good.” – bodeejus
Others agreed and added the daughter is also being racist by allowing her father’s behavior.
“[Wanted] to say NTA and your wife is kinda racist too(allowing racism should be treated as racism)” – thetoiletslayer