The older we get, the more friends we tend to lose.
The friend circle does grow smaller, and that is not always a bad thing.
Sometimes you just have to let someone who is maybe more toxic than positive go.
Or maybe have someone else let them go for you…
Case in point…
Redditor Specific_Paint8017 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for following my mom’s advice about my breastfeeding wife?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife gave birth recently.”
“She’s been trying to breastfeed (our baby doesn’t like formula and can’t latch onto the silicon nipple properly) but she has a hard time because she isn’t producing enough milk.”
“My mom who was a midwife said it was because of stress and that my wife was too stressed out to make enough breastmilk.”
“The doctor and the lactation consultant confirmed that stress does impact the flow of milk.”
“My wife’s work has been pinging us even though she has six months of maternity leave.”
“My mom moved in with us to help with the baby.”
“My wife’s family lives too far to be anything but moral support.”
“She’s been making my wife food (stuff that helps with milk production), making my wife rest, making sure she gets enough sleep.”
“My mom suggested my wife lie in a quiet, dim room, and I or my mom would rub her feet or her shoulders or would stroke her hair.”
“Both these things soothe my wife and just let her feel relaxed.”
“This has actually worked the best.”
“The important part is to start the process before the baby is hungry.”
“My wife has an incredibly irritating childhood friend, Becky.”
“Becky is the worst type of soul sucking person.”
“She makes a sh**ty problem and runs to my wife to fix it.”
“My wife is reluctant to stand up to Becky because Becky was the only girl who didn’t make fun of her in their childhood.”
“That’s because she treats my wife like her personal servant.”
“On Sunday, Becky came over because the man she was hooking up dumped her.”
“And plus she spent all her money on booze and weed and couldn’t afford rent for the month which she was already late on.”
“She expected me to call my wife down so that she could fix her problems.”
“I said no and told her to leave, because my wife was breastfeeding.”
“She insisted and tried to sneak past me and enter our house.”
“I told her that my wife was breastfeeding and that she could not be disturbed, as per my mom’s suggestions.”
“I told her that she would stress out my wife with her problems and if she wanted to come in she couldn’t talk about them at all.”
“She called me controlling and a momma’s boy and friends of my wife later texted me calling me an a**hole.”
“My wife says she doesn’t care that I told her to leave but said I could be gentler about her problems.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. I thought this was going to go towards you trying to control your wife, as so many posts on AITA go.”
“I’m so glad that isn’t the case.”
“It doesn’t seem like your mother is there lording over the house and forcing your wife to do X, but that she is a professional giving good advice and ideas.”
“That both you and your wife chose to follow them and they seem to be helping.”
“Your wife has enough worries and stress right now to be bothered by some self centered user.”
“If she’s okay with what you did, who cares what Becky thinks?” ~ Slow-Bumblebee-8609
“In an ideal world OP would have asked wife first what she would like him to do if a friend of hers comes to the door with drama.”
“But given the situation I’m not surprised they didn’t sit down & go over her wishes for various hypotheticals before starting relaxation camp.”
“He didn’t hide things from his wife after so if she disagreed she could have contacted Becky to help.”
“I don’t see what else OP could have done in the situation.”
“If they had an equal relationship Becky would already know about wife’s problems and be trying to help.” ~ PhDOH
“NTA. Did I read that right?”
“She actually tried to sneak past you to gain entry into your own home after you had told her to leave?”
“If so, the helllll no!”
“I’d tell her that if she so much as comes onto my property again, I’d call the cops to report her for trespassing.”
“Trying to sneak into someone’s home after the homeowner has told you to leave is not even mentally stable behavior.”
“This woman is dangerous (& the AH).” ~ TheFlamingSquirrel
“NTA. You just sound like a good partner looking out for your wife and baby.”
“Maybe you could have gone easier—I don’t know.”
“That Becky woman sounded pretty pushy.” ~ Apocalypstik
“Pushy is the right word, and OP’s reaction was just right for it.”
“Nice in this instance would have probably resulted in Becky pushing her way in all noise and disturbance like ready to interrupt a feeding baby because her problems are more important!”
“Frankly I think you were too gentle with her because my goal would be to put her off from your life once and for all instead of for the moment!”
“Definitely NTA and your mom is a gem!” ~ Comprehensive-Cat929
“NTA. We all know what kind of friend Becky is.”
“She’s there to use your wife financially and emotionally.”
“This is a trying time for any new mother and parent.”
“I definitely think your wife needs to really sit down with you and have a conversation about this so-called friend.”
“She’s not actually there for your wife.”
“Of course, your wife’s health comes first.”
“It might not be best to have a difficult conversation right away, but it seems like you and your wife will need to discuss.”
“Becky. I really do think your mom in this case is not overstepping, unlike so many other moms on this site and subreddit.”
“I think she actually has some good advice.”
“You’re doing right by your wife and that’s what’s important.” ~ CorvusOmega
OP needed to vent a bit more…
“I honestly have never seen Becky do a single thing for my wife.”
“She takes and takes and takes.”
“Meanwhile my wife busts ass trying to help her every time.”
“I think we should have a conversation about this.”
“I don’t see any good that comes from Becky being in her life.”
“My mom adores my wife and vice versa.”
“She wouldn’t overstep boundaries and even if she ever did I’d step in.”
Reddit continued…
“You’re NTA, nor is your wife. Becky is TA.”
“She insisted and tried to sneak past me and enter our house.”
“This right here is the point where it became free game to tell Becky whatever you want.”
“That’s a b*tch move, and she needs to chill out.”
“Sounds like Becky is a useless individual who is only going to continue to drag down your wife’s life.”
“She needs to be an adult (especially now that she’s a mom) and cut Becky out of her life.”
“That’s not a good person to have around anyone, let alone a baby.”
“Friends of my wife later texted me calling me an a**hole.”
“Those aren’t friends.”
“Those are additional losers your wife is friends with.”
“They weren’t even there.”
“And for them to involve themselves in something they weren’t a part of is childish and embarrassing.”
“And they too should be removed from your wife’s life.”
“Said I could be gentler about her problems.”
“While you do have to respect your wife’s wishes, you don’t have to follow them.”
“It was your situation to control, and you controlled it.” ~ MonstahButtonz
“NTA, it sounds like Becky has brainwashed your wife into thinking what she said at the end of the post.”
“Your wife had breastfeeding problems that can also affect the baby (since it doesn’t like formula).”
“And Becky decides to step over that and instead throw her pity party all over your house.”
“Also, your wife’s response at the end seems like post-pregnancy stress cause issues, she just had a baby.”
“Try to talk it out with her and explain that Becky is stepping all over her boundaries.” ~ CrystalizedSugar
“NTA- This is a beautiful setting you guys have come up with.”
“There’s only four people who matter in this, the Mom, the baby, and whomever she decides to share it with, which is you and your Mom.”
“You’re NOT controlling, you’re going with not only your Mom’s expertise, but with what your wife is comfortable with.”
“Your wife is a saint.” ~ BooBoo_KittyF_ck
Reddit is here for OP.
Sounds like Becky needs to find herself an actual therapist.
Family comes first in these situations.
Good luck fam!