When a newborn baby is first brought home, it's easy to focus on the baby and making sure they get all of the food, love, and sleep they need to be healthy and to grow.
But new moms need care, too, especially a comfortable space and enough rest, to heal after giving birth, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Neat_Government_150 brought home her baby a little over a month prior, and she was still struggling to heal and be comfortable because her home was way too hot.
Her husband wanted to save money to buy a motorcycle, and the Original Poster (OP) became increasingly hurt by his desire to save money over comforting her with a slightly cooler home.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting about my husband refusing to let me lower the AC temperature after having a baby?"
The OP's husband was in charge of the finances.
"I’m (33 Female) and had a baby six weeks ago."
"My husband (36 Male) works from home. He handles most of our money stuff right now, which honestly is probably for the best because I have been really scattered since the baby was born. I forget things and get emotional more easily than I normally would."
"We live in Texas, and it has been very hot lately. Since having the baby, I feel hot all the time."
"I wake up sweaty and sometimes get dizzy when I stand up too fast."
"Breastfeeding also makes me feel like I cannot cool down."
"I know it is probably hormones and lack of sleep, and I know I have not been handling stress very well."
The OP and her husband could not agree over the thermostat.
"My husband keeps the house at 78 during the day and 75 at night, because he is worried about the electric bill."
"He says that is a normal temperature and that I have a fan, can close the curtains, or take a cold shower if I need to."
"He is trying to save for a motorcycle, which he has wanted for a long time, and I do not want to make that harder for him."
"He says he is not asking me to pay for it or anything. He just wants us to be more careful with expenses."
"Since I stopped working near the end of my pregnancy, he has been handling the accounts, so I do not have to worry about all of that. Sometimes I ask how things are looking, but he says I get stressed out too easily and that he will tell me if there is something I actually need to know."
"A few times, when I felt really bad from the heat, I changed the AC down to around 70. He gets frustrated because I do not talk to him first."
"I understand why that bothers him, because he is the one keeping track of the budget and I probably do not think things through the same way right now."
"The thermostat is connected to his phone. He set it up when we moved in, so I guess he gets notifications when it changes. Sometimes he texts me from upstairs asking why I changed it before I have even seen him that morning."
"It makes me feel a little silly, like I am being caught doing something wrong, but I know he is probably just trying to stay on top of things."
The OP's husband started criticizing her for worrying about the temperature.
"Last weekend, I had barely slept because the baby was up all night."
"Around lunchtime, I was holding him in the kitchen and got dizzy and weak all at once. I put him in his bassinet and sat on the floor because I got scared I might drop him."
"I changed the thermostat to 70 because I felt like I could not catch my breath."
"My husband came downstairs and changed it back to 76. He said he knew I was tired, but I could not keep treating the AC like an emergency every time I felt uncomfortable."
"He said being home all day probably makes me focus on it more, and I need to get into a better routine instead of reacting emotionally."
"I started crying, which I know was not helpful. He said we could not have a real conversation while I was spiraling."
"Later, he apologized for sounding harsh, but he said I need to stop making him feel like he is the bad guy when he is just trying to take care of us."
The OP's mother sided with her, which infuriated her husband.
"My mom came over later and changed it back to 70. She told him I should not be sweating and dizzy while taking care of a newborn."
"He got upset and said she was undermining him in his own house."
"After she left, he told me he does not want her stopping by without checking first because she gets me worked up."
"He also asked me not to tell my sister about it because she has never really understood him and would probably make it into something bigger than it is. I was not going to tell her anyway, but now I feel guilty that I even thought about it."
The OP moved herself and her baby into the guestroom.
"I am staying in the guest room right now with a portable AC unit my mom helped me order."
"He did not want it in our room because he said it would make the room cluttered and cost more to run, but he said I could use it in there until things settle down."
"He has been bringing me food and taking the baby sometimes so I can sleep, which I appreciate."
"He keeps saying he just wants me to get back to myself because he does not want our son growing up around tension."
"I do not know. I feel embarrassed posting this because it sounds petty when I write it out. Maybe I am just tired and making too much out of the thermostat thing. But I also keep thinking about how scared I was when I got dizzy while holding the baby."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some pointed out that the husband was increasing his baby's chance of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) over a motorcycle.
"I really hope OP sees this: To reduce the risk of SUDDEN. INFANT. DEATH. SYNDROME. The ideal room temperature for a six-week-old infant is 68 to 72. Your husband is literally putting your newborn’s life at risk for a f**king motorcycle."
"Infants CANNOT adequately regulate their own body temperature until 11 weeks old. Until then, they are affected to a greater degree by room temperature than adults are."
"If YOU are not doing well in this heat and you’re a full-grown adult capable of temperature regulation, how do you think your baby feels? Infants also do not sweat the same way we do, but sweat on their neck is an indicator that they are TOO HOT and the temperature must immediately be adjusted." - llamadramalover
"SIDS RISK!! SIDS RISK!!" - Ok_Blueberry_2843
"When I started reading the post, I thought, 'Umm, sounds like dad needs some education on newborns. They’re probably super tight on money right now, that sucks,' and then became concerned and then incensed with each paragraph."
"The dude sounds controlling as f**k. It’s just flag after flag and all of them are red." - hiluhry
"SIDS RISK for his NEWBORN. 68 to 72 degrees. Being ignorant of the SIDS RISK is NO EXCUSE."
"When HIS CHILD’S MOTHER most needs calm and security to settle into feeding and caring for HIS CHILD, he’s putting her in SERIOUS DANGER of COLLAPSE with neural or organ damage. That happens when she’s alone with the baby? The INFANT IS IN DANGER. AGAIN."
"(My SIL raced BIKES. Worked with BIKES. Loved BIKES. ABANDONED BIKES after he lifted HIS INFANT daughter to her mother’s chest.)"
"NOR NOR NOR. Please stay only where you’re safe and comfortable. For now, with your mother." - SoSpringy
"He’s more worried about the electric bill than her well-being. Crazy, not gonna lie." - Marshmallow-Halo
Others discouraged the OP from keeping her finances combined with her husband's any longer.
"She's going to have a surprise when their finances are horrible because she is just trusting him and he tells her to not worry because she stresses herself. RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE." - Sufficient_Author703
"OP, I let my ex-husband take the reins financially when I was overwhelmed with a young baby and PPD. He ended up stealing a bunch of money and stocks I came to the marriage with, invested it in his mother’s name, and in court I was out of luck."
"Please don’t let anyone be fully in control of your finances! I know you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, but the consequences can be severe and last a lifetime."
"Also, you’re a grown-a** adult, and NOBODY should be 'allowing you' or 'not allowing you' to do anything. That is a huge red flag that you have an unequal power dynamic in your marriage, and I would address that as soon as possible for the sake of the rest of your life and your child’s life." - Commercial-Policy-96
"Not that the motorcycle is the worst thing wrong about this post, but if he’s the main breadwinner right now while she’s postpartum, he has no business riding a motorcycle. Motorcycle riders are called 'organ donors' in the ER for a good reason."
"If something happened to him, there’s no one to take care of her. Yes, I know a lot of women are single moms, but why put her through that unnecessarily, especially right after she gave birth?" - DigDugDogDun
"Not knowing their financial situation, I was willing to lean towards they just couldn't afford it. But saving for a motorcycle? You can pay the extra $50 a month or whatever to let her not suffer and get your toy a few months later." - IAmBrahmus
"OP is NOR."
"I live in Florida in a 100+ yr old house that was never remodeled for central AC. As a couple in our early 20's and newlyweds at the time of buying it, it just wasn't something we could afford to do, but manage to keep our bedrooms and house pretty cool with window units."
"I have had heat intolerance since childhood, which has also gotten worse after having our son. I would feel like I am suffocating if I were living in OP's house right now, and I can only imagine how the baby must be doing. I know how mama is doing because I've been in houses like theirs during 110°f weather, and my anxiety went through the roof."
"I was never made aware of how quickly babies can overheat until I saw it with my son as a newborn. Once he came home from the hospital, it was just a diaper and a swaddle at night during the summer with the AC set at 62° in our bedroom (we have very high humidity here in Florida, and in an Old house like ours it's always feeling warmer than what the AC is set to because of it)."
"I swear, looking back at his newborn days, he stayed in his diaper unless we left the house because the daytime was always pretty warm despite the AC being on, and I had a huge fear of him getting hot at such a tiny stage."
"My heart really breaks for OP. This is a very difficult time physically and mentally and will be for a while. I went through different fights with my own husband, and I understand where she's coming from. My husband is a miser 90% of the time, but he has seen me overheat and understands I cannot be physically or mentally comfortable in a hot, muggy house."
"He doesn't even dare to turn the AC temps up during the summer. He just deals with it. I am also a SAHM. Wintertime is different; then the temperatures are a fight."
"I know OP is trying to reason with herself to not make her husband out to be a complete jerk. The AC being turned down a few notches to keep her and their baby comfortable during this kind of weather is NOT going to send them into financial ruin. This isn't about the bills, it's about the stupid motorcycle."
"When I read that sentence, that told me everything I needed to know about where her husband's priorities really are. I've been around motorcyclists in my life, and for whatever reason it seems like it consumes them to the point of affecting their families." - Special_Till_306
After reading the comments, the OP shared an update.
"I did not expect this many people to respond. Thank you to everyone who was kind. I have been trying to read through the comments, but it is a lot, and some of them are honestly making me more upset than I expected."
"I know a lot of people think this is not really about the AC. I do not know if I am ready to say that exactly, because I know I have not been myself since having the baby, and I do not want to make my husband out to be some horrible person over one issue. He does help with the baby, and he has been making sure I eat and sleep when he can."
"But I talked to my mom, and I think I am going to stay with her for a few days with the baby. Not forever or anything. I just think I need to get out of the house and clear my head because I keep going back and forth about whether I am being unreasonable."
"I showed my husband the post. I did not mean to at first, but he asked why I had been crying, and I felt bad hiding it from him."
"He read the whole thing, including the comments. He was very quiet for a while. Then he said he understood why people were reacting the way they were, because they only have what I wrote and do not know us."
"I told him I was going to take the baby to my mom’s for a few days. He said okay, and that he was not going to stop me."
"Then he said, 'Just try to remember that your mom already thinks I am the problem. She is not going to be helping you figure this out. She is going to be telling you what to think.'"
"I said I did not think that was fair, and he said he was not trying to start another argument. He just said he hoped I would not make a decision I could not take back because I was tired and upset."
"Maybe he is right that I should not make any big decisions right now. I do not know. I am still going to my mom’s, though.
I will update you guys as soon as we get there and I have had a chance to think about everything."
Fellow Redditors encouraged the OP to accept her mother's help and disregard her husband's comments, which they believed were meant to isolate her further.
"You can hear OP undermining her own experience in every single paragraph she wrote bc her husband is gaslighting the s**t out of her. But her mom sounds supportive, so I’m glad she lives close by. You are NOR at all." - hiluhry
"I desperately hope that when OP gets away from his manipulation for a few days it finally sinks in that he literally risked his own baby’s life for a f**king motorcycle. I don’t understand how any relationship, any parent could ever come back from that." - TararaBoomIDA
"He doesn't want you saying anything because there is not a single person who could hear this story and not see your husband for the jerk he is." - WeAreAllSoF**ked23
"OP, you are your husband’s partner, not his child. If you are hot, turn down the thermostat. And no, it doesn’t matter who earns the family money; it is FAMILY money."
"Get involved with the finances and make him share with you the passwords to log on to look at the bank account and everything else."
"If he died in a car wreck tomorrow, you would need to handle the bills yourself, and you should not be trying to learn how to do it when you have just found out he has died."
"If you don’t start demanding respect and equality in your marriage now, you will never get it." - TheWorldofScience
"If he’s like this now, what’s he going to do when you hit peri-menopause in ten to fifteen years?"
"Stop letting him infantilize you. You deserve and MUST know the finances. If he is keeping it from you, he’s hiding something."
"You are a grown-a** adult and mother and need sleep and information. And you can tell whomever you want about this, because he is absolutely wrong."
"He does not get to determine when your mom comes over. He does get to know if she will be interrupting his work or sharing a meal."
"Do you have any access to funds? You can tell him either he relents on the AC or you get a hotel room when it gets too bad."
"Look, yes, decades ago, all women handled it the way he wants you to, but it’s 2026, and you would have had more help from your mom and sister, too." - GoddessOfOddness
The subReddit was appalled by how the OP was being treated and the danger she and her baby were in over a silly thermostat.
It can be great to save money and to save up for something you've always wanted, but if it's at the expense of someone's health and safety, especially a baby who depends entirely on their caregivers to advocate for them, then now's not the time to save up.
