Now that we’re in 2024, it’s not a secret anymore that parenting is full of tough decisions and that parents are bound to be judged for their choices.
No matter what decisions they make, someone will always be upset with what they did, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, and this can permeate into every decision, from whether to breast- or bottle-feed the baby, to which furniture to put in their nursery, to which extracurriculars to sign their kids up for.
Redditor UsedPrior7586 was feeling the pressure during her early motherhood when she was preparing to go back to work and her sister-in-law was preparing her home to babysit for free for her.
But it was clear that she was feeling much more negatively about herself than she let on, because when the Original Poster (OP) saw her sister-in-law’s setup, she lashed out at her.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for calling my SIL (Sister-in-Law) an a**hole for buying a more expensive baby high chair for when she babysits my baby?”
The OP was making preparations for going back to work after having a baby.
“My husband (35 Male) and I (31 Female) had our baby seven months ago, and now I have to go back to work soon.”
“On the days both my husband and I have the evening shift or the same weekend shift, my husband’s brother (40 Male) and his wife (42 Female) offered to babysit. They are child-free and work nine-to-five jobs with no weekend hours.”
“I honestly don’t like anything about this woman, but this would at least meet our need for a babysitter.”
But the OP didn’t appreciate how her SIL (sister-in-law) was preparing for her baby to visit.
“Yesterday, I was visiting and my SIL showed me how she prepared their apartment with safety things and she had also purchased a baby chair. A thousand-dollar baby high chair.”
“I was appalled because the one I have is a 30-dollar one.”
“I told her that she was an a**hole for having a more expensive chair for MY child at her place when I have a 30-dollar chair at home.”
“She just shrugged and said that she was thinking about the rest of her interior and wanted a beautiful piece because it would be in the kitchen for a long period of time.”
“She offered to buy one for us too, but I felt even more insulted because I don’t want her feeling sorry for me.”
The OP’s husband surprised her with his perspective on what happened.
“I was furious and left but my husband wants me to apologize for being rude?”
“How am I the rude one here when she obviously overtopped us with our OWN child?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the SIL was free to spend her money and decorate her home however she chose.
“What an amazing and compassionate sister-in-law. She loves her brother-in-law (no blood relation) and niece (no blood relation) so much she is willing to give up her weekends, spend money, AND make changes to her home to provide the best atmosphere possible. And she even offered to buy a better high chair for OP if she wanted one.”
“These are kind people who don’t deserve your bulls**t attitude, OP. Many of us don’t have anyone like this in our lives. Let’s hope you didn’t screw this up so badly that the babysitting offer is off the table. Apologize humbly, express gratitude, and tell them you’re embarrassed about how you initially reacted.”
“YTA.” – Lazyogini
“We should all be so lucky that our childfree family is so invested and excited to be in their life and support us that they will spend 1000 dollars on a new high chair for part-time babysitting.”
“OP, get the F**K over yourself. She didn’t overstep with your child. She didn’t insult you. She didn’t have a different parenting philosophy or not respect your wishes. She literally is sacrificing on your behalf and you are ungrateful to the highest extreme.” – wildcat12321
“My mother was my first son’s full-time carer and it wouldn’t have bothered me if all the equipment she had her her place was diamond encrusted. I had all secondhand stuff, but she enabled me to work in order to provide a good life for our son, and I will never be able to repay her kindness. OP needs to get her head from up her a**!” – Gornalannie
“The OP said, ‘I told her that she was the a**hole for having a more expensive chair for MY child at her place when I have a 30-dollar chair.'”
“This reads to me as, ‘I’m appalled she didn’t give me the thousand-dollar high chair and trade for the 30-dollar chair for her place.'”
“OP isn’t mad at what they bought. They’re mad they don’t get to have it themselves.” – ParticularCraft3
“OP just remember, a 1000-dollar high chair isn’t better than the 30-dollar one. Pretty much every parent has the 30-dollar ones because they suit parents’ needs: easy to clean, easy to use, etc.”
“The 1000-dollar one your SIL suits her needs as not a primary caregiver. She has different needs for a high chair (i.e., the aesthetic she mentioned).”
“Your child won’t know the difference nor care how much you spend dollars-wise on their high chair.” – amzes
“OP, I am unaware of your history with SIL, but please know that the things you allegedly said are not flattering to you as a person.”
“I believe you should proceed as if you believe your SIL has read those comments. Prior sit with her and SINCERELY apologize to her. Gosh, if true, she offered to purchase a similar chair for your home? And she babysits your child for free?”
“Girl, your SIL should be your BFF (best friend forever). If not, I believe you need to explore the reasons for your issues with SIL; because right now, you’re appearing child-like and quite petty.”
“Make things right!” – Tight-Shift5706
“A first-time mom here: I see people up and down the parenting forums bemoaning their lack of a village, and then there’s OP, spewing hate on a woman who not only wants to watch her kid for FREE but is willing to spend her OWN MONEY to keep the baby safe, secure, and comfortable.”
“I cannot fathom being OP’s husband and wanting to build a family with this piece of work. My god.” – BadTanJob
“I wonder if OP is aware that childfree people with an obviously pretty high-income level could afford to be doing many more fun and interesting things than babysitting a f**king toddler (and having to deal with the kid’s mom who is also a toddler apparently).”
“It seems like they love the kid and she should be so grateful for that. Instead of being thankful that her kid is being well taken care of, she chooses to be petty and jealous because someone has nicer things than her?”
“OP, does your partner make fun of you for being poor or something? I can’t see why else this could ever be an issue for you. You are 100000% the a**hole and it sounds like you need a lot of therapy to boot. What an absolutely wretched person.” – dragonslayerbarbie
Others agreed and challenged the OP to work on herself and her mindset.
“YTA hardcore. Apologize immediately and get some therapy with the money you’re saving on childcare.” – Old-Ambassador1403
“It’s not a contest! She’s willing to help you with your baby, and you don’t have the right to tell her how to spend her money.”
“Also, working on your insecurities is a thing, too!” – Hot-Insect-6330
“I’d be making OP provide everything I would need to babysit her child for free. She’d be buying my house a high chair, a playpen, and a crib.”
“OP’s getting free childcare and complaining about the furniture quality being TOO GOOD.”
“OP, it is so sadly obvious that you have a huge hang-up about the money disparity. Be it just your BIL/SIL or your whole husband’s family. Address it.”
“YTA.” – KCarriere
“As if she’s even paying them to watch her kid. She’s getting a free ride and is going to toss it away due to her rudeness and disrespect.”
“What a kind gesture for her family to offer to watch her baby and then put out money to make it safe. All OP can see is green. This isn’t about the chair. It’s about her jealousy. Definitely the AH, OP.” – agirl2277
“Well, obviously her baby is going to prefer the more expensive chair, because ya know, baby likes the finer things and has expensive taste!”
“And since baby will prefer that fancy schmancy high chair, baby will obviously prefer Auntie Richie Rich over Mommy! And when mommy picks baby up after work, baby will be like, ‘Wahh wahh, I want to stay with Auntie Richie Rich and my fancy schmancy high chair! Put me down, peasant!'”
“And then when baby gets old enough to talk, baby will be all like, ‘I don’t love you! I want to go live with Auntie Richie Rich! She’s rich so that means she loves me more than you! Peasant!'”
“Then when baby grows up and gets married, baby will want Aunt Richie Rich listed as parents on the invitations, and will want Auntie Richie Rich to fund her wedding, because her mom’s a lowly peasant!”
“Obviously. Duh.”
“OP is YTA. Thank SIL endlessly for the childcare and love, apologize profusely, and blame the baby hormones.” – FemHierophant
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Thanks for your opinion. I understand that I was wrong in calling my SIL an a**hole. I will speak to her this weekend and apologize.”
“I have spoken to my husband now and concluded that we are hiring a babysitter for the times we are working at the same time. It is going to be four to six times a month so it will not be a big issue.”
It’s clear that there was much more going on here than just the price of a high chair. Whether the OP really deeply disliked her sister-in-law, was jealous of her sister-in-law’s highchair and disposable income, or if she was feeling insecure about her own motherhood, she had really let her sister-in-law have it.
The worst part, really, though, was that even though she was planning to apologize, she was also planning to hire a babysitter instead of continuing to face her sister-in-law going forward. Though the apology was a good gesture toward the sister-in-law, it was clear that more work needed to be done to help the OP work her way through her own feelings that the expensive highchair had brought up.