Sometimes, you really just wanna snap back at a nosy friend who can’t seem to take the hint that you’re not ready to share some very personal information with them.
And sometimes…you do. Or so Reddit user thr94011867hd did.
But she thought she might have snapped a little too far. In order to discern if she crossed the line, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” to get some strangers’ opinions:
“AITA for saying my secret workout routine is depression?”
Our original poster, or OP, has had an even harder year than most of us:
“I (25F) had a miscarriage in early January this year. I lost my mother to a completely unexpected heart attack in February.”
“We used to be very very close and her death, coupled with the loss of my child devastated me. I slipped into depression, developed anorexia and lost a huge amount of weight in a very short time. I used to be 165 pounds and now I’m at 120 pounds.”
For her first time in a social event this year, OP was approached by a rather uncomfortably enthusiastic acquaintance.
“I attended my best friend’s wedding yesterday (tiny ceremony). It was the first social event I attended this year after my ‘transformation.'”
“There was an acquaintance there who seemed enthralled by my body. She’s very into fitness but she’s not someone I am particularly close and she kept asking me about diet plans and said that she needed to know my ‘secret workout routine’ for her clients.”
When acquaintance wouldn’t take polite deflection, OP was goaded into pushing this person away.
“I politely deflected the questions at first and said something along the lines of ‘I just was not in a good place, lost my appetite and it just happened.’ But she kept pestering me and said I should help other people lose weight too.”
“I lost my patience and told her that ‘I actually developed an eating disorder and severe depression. I don’t think your clients would like this routine.’ She made a face and left me alone for the day. I thought this would be the end of it.”
And then OP was asked to apologize, but has chosen not to thus far.
“Turns out, after the celebrations were over, she went and complained to my best friend’s husband (she’s his sister) and he called me and asked me to apologise for ’embarrassing his sister on his wedding.'”
“I’ve refused to apologise as of now and I’m not sure if I should.”
“AITA for telling an acquaintance that my workout routine was depression?”
Redditors helped OP get perspective by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors took OP’s side with no hesitation.
“Yes- NTA. Op- I’m sorry.”
“I went through something similar and all the ‘you look great’ ‘what’s your secret’ comments were hard to bear when all I wanted to say was that all I could allow myself to eat was PB Toast and protein powder and my anxiety made me workout 2 hours a day.”
“NTA OP- NTA- your body isn’t made for public comments and she should have known better to drop it.”~Suz1998
“NTA. I thought it was becoming common knowledge that you don’t comment or compliment someone on their weight unless you know them well enough to know how it happened.”
“You tried to deflect nicely and she wouldn’t stop. Honestly if I was her I would have realized what I did was out of line an apologized to you by now.”~External_Outcome5678
“Hell no you won’t be apologizing, and if your supposed best friend knew how your year has been they’re ridiculously callous!”
“‘[Best friend], you know I’m still grieving from my family losses this year. She wanted to use my trauma as a weight loss regimen.'”
“‘I was vague about my weight loss not being fitness or workout-related to avoid this but she would. Not. Stop.'”
“‘Her embarrassment is 100% due to her not leaving me alone when I literally told her my weight loss is because I wasn’t in a good place this year.'”
“‘I look forward to HER apology for forcing me to overshare my medical conditions so she wouldn’t promote neglect to her clients.'”~IMTonks
“NTA. She pushed the subject after you tried to shut it down politely. She got the truth she was pushing for and it’s not your problem that she didn’t like the answer she got when she was being invasive and frankly obnoxious.”
“I was taught that it’s rude to comment excessively about someone’s appearance, even if it’s complimentary – say the nice thing and leave it alone, and if it turns out you’re making the other person uncomfortable, apologize and stop the behaviour.”
“The fact that she thinks YOU owe HER an apology is likely a reaction to feeling you embarrassed her, when she really embarrassed herself.”
“I lost a lot of weight a number of year ago due to simply not having the money to buy food – I was living on rice and lima beans for months.”
“When people asked how I lost the weight because I ‘looked so good now,’ I would straight up say ‘poverty.’ They’d normally back off and change the subject.”
“I don’t feel bad and neither should you – your body is no one else’s business and those who don’t respect that boundary should be prepared for the backlash.”~burntasawitch
In fact, people think that the woman should be apologizing to OP-not the other way around.
“I also see such a crazy pattern in these questions:”
“OP is pushed by a person’s rude behaviour until they have to firmly set boundaries with the Rude Person.”
“Rude Person (a grown adult) is affronted and ‘tattles’ to the Host”
“Host (also a grown adult) takes it upon themselves to speak to OP on behalf of Rude Person”
“What is happening here? If Rude Person has a problem with OP’s boundaries, then say something. How do grown adults behave like children like this?”
“How does Host not just look at them and say, ‘this is not my problem’?!”~butnotTHATintoit
“NTA I lost weight once because I just couldn’t keep solid food inside and people were praising me for looking amazing and thin and I felt like garbage.”
“Said that several times before eventually lashing out after an hour. They all did this surprised Pikachu face…”
“The fixation on weight people have is so incredibly dangerous. I actually heard people ‘compliment’ people on their weight after they went through chemo therapy and I just don’t understand why they think these comments are acceptable.”~MoiraMona
“NTA, not at all. You told the truth, after being pressed, and she didn’t like the truth. That isn’t your fault.”
“When I was recovering from my ED, people in the running community would constantly say small things like ‘guess you want to run a couple extra today?’ in reference to me gaining some (much needed) weight.”
“I had to get more and more blunt about it, and I’d love to say that they stopped, but they didn’t, I stopped running. The ‘fitness community’ doesn’t learn.”~comfiestwerewolf
“NTA. She was rude. She violated social boundaries by asking repeatedly and badgering (honestly, for people struggling with long term weight loss, asking once is rude, let alone repeatedly).”
“It’s pretty obvious too why it’s considered rude: this is personal stuff and no one knows what is going on in another person’s life.”
“(Not to mention that this person supposedly has ‘clients’ but no knowledge of how to plan exercise or nutrition? If this is her job, she needs to get an actual education about such things, not interrogate random acquaintances at weddings.)”
“Shockingly, in this family, one person with no sense of proper boundaries or etiquette has a brother with no sense of boundaries or etiquette. /sarcasm”
“Ugh. Don’t give this matter a second thought. And feel free to avoid them in general.”~kaevas
And people don’t get a free pass to be rude, even if their feelings get hurt due to the backlash.
“NTA at all. First, I just want to extend my sympathy for the awful year you’ve had. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been.”
“You tried deflecting the questions, you tried being gently honest and she still kept pestering you. If anything, you probably did a good thing by teaching her a lesson.”
“So many people have the idea that weight loss is always a positive thing and don’t stop to think about if it’s the result of an illness or other awful circumstance.”
“It’s an unfortunate byproduct of living is a fatphobic culture and doesn’t do anyone any good.”
“Good for you for standing up for yourself. If anything, she’s the one that needs to apologise. Hopefully this will stick with her as a reminder not to do it again in future.”~TubbyLittleTeaWitch
“NTA. Sure, saying that put her on the spot a little bit, but it’s not like she didn’t just fucking interrogate you about how you lost weight until you told her a second time.”
“Maybe if she took a hint you wouldn’t have needed to shut her down like that. Honestly people like that are f**king tiring.”~memeparmesan
“NTA. She did not pick up on your polite cues to change the subject. Grown a** adults should know that drastic weight change is usually not a good thing (especially since 165 is not a lot of weight).”
“Also, she’s a super d**che. Usually when you make a social gaffe like that (or are super rude accidentally), you apologize and then shut the f**k up.”
“I have been witness to someone asking a person they hadn’t seen in a few months how they lost so much weight. It was chemo, the person had cancer.”~Tatertotsmagee
“NTA. Call the husband back and say ‘what would you like me to apologize for? For having a miscarriage or having an eating disorder? Which one was embarrassing to your sister?'”
“You tried to politely deflect questions, and when that wasn’t good enough, you told her the truth.”
“You did nothing wrong and hopefully this woman learns a valuable lesson about NOT talking to people about their bodies!”~mfruitfly
Asking people about their bodies is highly personal. If someone sets a firm boundary, you must respect it.
OP has learned that she is allowed to set whatever boundaries she needs. Hopefully, the other woman learned something about boundaries too.