There are very few moments people look forward to more than proposing to or being proposed to by your partner.
This is a milestone that is not a guarantee and which some people never experience.
Of course, when you are the recipient, there is the issue of the ring.
For while some people are just so happy about the significance, others might not be able to hide their disappointment when it isn't everything they dreamed it would be.
Redditor Bulky_Description556 knew that rings posed a problem for his girlfriend's line of work.
So, when the original poster (OP) was ready to propose to her, he went to great lengths to ensure she was given a ring that she could bring to work without a second thought.
Sadly, her reaction was anything but joyous when she removed the ring from its box.
Wondering if he was being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for getting my fiancé a ring on a chain?"
The OP explained how what he thought was a very special ring ended up completely derailing his proposal.
"I (29 M[ale]) wanted to propose to my gf (28 F[emale])."
"She's a nurse, so she can't wear rings at work."
"I wanted to give her something that she could keep with her all the time."
"I work as a graphic designer, so I designed a ring and a chain that I thought she would really l like."
"The ring is in a style she's worn before and likes, with a diamond, as well as opals, which are her favorite."
"The chain is fairly small and sturdy, and made of a stainless steel core with alternating gold and silver links over top, so it's stronger."
"The clasp for the chain is invisible, and the ring can be clipped on and off of the ring without having to take the chain off."
"I made it so that she could turn it and hide the clip so she could wear the chain separately from the ring as well."
"I thought it was really cool, and I proposed on Sunday at the park after mothers day."
"There was no one else around to see it."
"She was initially excited when she saw it and immediately said yes."
"However, when she pulled it out and saw the chain attached, she accused me of trying to prank her, and wouldn't hear a word in edgewise."
"She was yelling at me and crying, and I felt horrible."
"I tried to explain, and she shut me down and went back to her mother's."
"Now she won't talk to me and I don't know what to do."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for making his girlfriend a custom-made engagement ring.
Everyone agreed that the OP was highly thoughtful in making his girlfriend such a practical engagement ring, and his girlfriend badly overreacted.
"NTA seems like a huge overreaction."- Panoglitch
"It sounds beautiful. I'll take it!"
"NTA."- mizfit0416
"NTA."
"You were thinking of her in all places, work too, and went out of your way to make so she can wear it at work without getting scolded or fired."
"The best thing to do would be trying to reach her and explain calmly everything or try to contact the mother privately and try to use her help to mediate. Nothing comes to mind on why she behaved like that tbh."- frizzyno
"NTA."
"This is super sweet."
"My boyfriend has asked me if a chain is something I'd like when he proposes because I have a medical condition that makes my hands swell badly."
"I think it was so sweet that he considered that."
"The fact that you have gone out of your way to design something for her so that she can wear the ring all the time is one of the most romantic things I've ever heard."
"She didn't even let you explain because she was so busy going on a self-absorbed rant about what a miserable git she is."
"If this is out of character, maybe talk to the person she goes to for advice and explain so that she can hear it from someone else."
"I'm not going to lie though, I wouldn't want to propose again after she acted like that."-rothrowlingcollins
"You were very thoughtful."
"She didn't even want to listen to you."
"And you're not even married yet."
"NTA."- DoIwantToKnow6417
"NTA."
"I think you might do better if you can talk to her mom and explain to her about why the ring also has a chain."
"And wow, if she wont even stop and listen it doesnt bode well for your future though."
"FYI, the nurses I know would love a ring like that."
"You really took the time to take her life into consideration."
"Shame she wont cool her jets and listen."- shadow-foxe
"Did she mistake it for some sort of ball and chain joke?"
"Is she prone to flipping out unexpectedly?"
"I'd write her an email or send her a text explaining how you designed the ring."
"Everything you explained here - and tell her you're sorry it landed in the wrong way, then let her be for a few days."
"NTA."- capmanor1755
"NTA, I would say very sweet, instead."- ImperatriceFuriosa
"I don't think she understood the chain was so she doesn't feel compelled to take her ring off at work?"
"The gold plating might have set her off too?"
"I'm not sure?"
"At any rate, I'd wait at least a day before explaining. You'd just made it possible for her to always, always wear her ring should she choose to."
"NTA."- AndSoItGoes24
"NTA."
"IDK how long it has been since the blow-up but let her cool off and try to talk to her again."
"Or contact her mom to check she is ok and try to explain what happened."
"While her reaction is not justified in any way, she was shocked and thought that you were pranking her to make her look stupid."
"Again she should have calmed down and heard you, so she is wrong for that."
"I will say a better idea so that this would have been smoother for you would have been to just do the ring, and then after she was settled down from excitement, you could have said you also included the necklace so she could wear it while at work and present her with the necklace separately."
"Now it will be up to you if you still want to be with her after this."- Mysterious-Wave-7958
"NTA sounds as though a lot of thought went into getting her the perfect ring, even if not to her liking if that's what's going on."
"Did she even get a good look at the ring, or did she think it was 'just a necklace'?"-EntertainmentNo4422
"NTA."
"But where others are thinking her response was over the top, I have a feeling she really does think you were making a joke proposal."
"Nobody pulls a ring out of its case and finds a chain attached to it."
"She jumped to a conclusion, assumed you were just messing with her about the whole thing, and that's why she won't speak to you now."
"Get someone else to talk to her if she won't talk to you so that they can explain it to her."
"I'm sure once she hears the explanation, she will calm down and realize it wasn't a joke proposal."
"Then propose again without the chain attached."- inFinEgan
"NTA."
"Just explain it to her when she's feeling a bit more ready to talk."
"Was it a planned proposal?"
"Like have you discussed it previously?"- hopenuisancebaby
"NTA."
"Call or text her Mom and explain."
"She evidently isn't listening to reason right now."- Pauscha580
"NTA."
"Coming from a healthcare professional angle, it might have been that she thought you don't understand a lot of us, especially in hospital settings, aren't allowed to wear necklaces either (for the same reason as rings, contamination)."
"The most I can wear is a plain wedding band."
"It might be that she would be okay just wearing the engagement ring at home and thought you understood that."
"This is absolutely a lovely thought, and I hope she hears you out."- Expression-Little
"NTA."
"You clearly gave this a lot of thought but came up with an answer that your gf didn't like."
"Sorry you are in this situation as logic will not make her feel better, but if it makes you feel better, you are not the AH here."- Rich-398
Everyone has an idea of what they might want their engagement ring to look like.
Even so, one can only hope when the moment finally comes that, the only thing that will be on people's minds is the joy of the moment... and not just what's inside the box.
One can only wonder if the reaction of his girlfriend, not to mention her refusal to even listen to him afterward, might make the OP question if he still wants to marry her.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and IÂ got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.'Â And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.