There are very few moments people look forward to more than proposing to or being proposed to by your partner.
This is a milestone that is not a guarantee and which some people never experience.
Of course, when you are the recipient, there is the issue of the ring.
For while some people are just so happy about the significance, others might not be able to hide their disappointment when it isn’t everything they dreamed it would be.
Redditor Bulky_Description556 knew that rings posed a problem for his girlfriend’s line of work.
So, when the original poster (OP) was ready to propose to her, he went to great lengths to ensure she was given a ring that she could bring to work without a second thought.
Sadly, her reaction was anything but joyous when she removed the ring from its box.
Wondering if he was being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for getting my fiancé a ring on a chain?”
The OP explained how what he thought was a very special ring ended up completely derailing his proposal.
“I (29 M[ale]) wanted to propose to my gf (28 F[emale]).”
“She’s a nurse, so she can’t wear rings at work.”
“I wanted to give her something that she could keep with her all the time.”
“I work as a graphic designer, so I designed a ring and a chain that I thought she would really l like.”
“The ring is in a style she’s worn before and likes, with a diamond, as well as opals, which are her favorite.”
“The chain is fairly small and sturdy, and made of a stainless steel core with alternating gold and silver links over top, so it’s stronger.”
“The clasp for the chain is invisible, and the ring can be clipped on and off of the ring without having to take the chain off.”
“I made it so that she could turn it and hide the clip so she could wear the chain separately from the ring as well.”
“I thought it was really cool, and I proposed on Sunday at the park after mothers day.”
“There was no one else around to see it.”
“She was initially excited when she saw it and immediately said yes.”
“However, when she pulled it out and saw the chain attached, she accused me of trying to prank her, and wouldn’t hear a word in edgewise.”
“She was yelling at me and crying, and I felt horrible.”
“I tried to explain, and she shut me down and went back to her mother’s.”
“Now she won’t talk to me and I don’t know what to do.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for making his girlfriend a custom-made engagement ring.
Everyone agreed that the OP was highly thoughtful in making his girlfriend such a practical engagement ring, and his girlfriend badly overreacted.
“NTA seems like a huge overreaction.”- Panoglitch
“It sounds beautiful. I’ll take it!”
“You were thinking of her in all places, work too, and went out of your way to make so she can wear it at work without getting scolded or fired.”
“The best thing to do would be trying to reach her and explain calmly everything or try to contact the mother privately and try to use her help to mediate. Nothing comes to mind on why she behaved like that tbh.”- frizzyno
“This is super sweet.”
“My boyfriend has asked me if a chain is something I’d like when he proposes because I have a medical condition that makes my hands swell badly.”
“I think it was so sweet that he considered that.”
“The fact that you have gone out of your way to design something for her so that she can wear the ring all the time is one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard.”
“She didn’t even let you explain because she was so busy going on a self-absorbed rant about what a miserable git she is.”
“If this is out of character, maybe talk to the person she goes to for advice and explain so that she can hear it from someone else.”
“I’m not going to lie though, I wouldn’t want to propose again after she acted like that.”-rothrowlingcollins
“You were very thoughtful.”
“She didn’t even want to listen to you.”
“And you’re not even married yet.”
“I think you might do better if you can talk to her mom and explain to her about why the ring also has a chain.”
“And wow, if she wont even stop and listen it doesnt bode well for your future though.”
“FYI, the nurses I know would love a ring like that.”
“You really took the time to take her life into consideration.”
“Shame she wont cool her jets and listen.”- shadow-foxe
“Did she mistake it for some sort of ball and chain joke?”
“Is she prone to flipping out unexpectedly?”
“I’d write her an email or send her a text explaining how you designed the ring.”
“Everything you explained here – and tell her you’re sorry it landed in the wrong way, then let her be for a few days.”
“NTA, I would say very sweet, instead.”- ImperatriceFuriosa
“I don’t think she understood the chain was so she doesn’t feel compelled to take her ring off at work?”
“The gold plating might have set her off too?”
“I’m not sure?”
“At any rate, I’d wait at least a day before explaining. You’d just made it possible for her to always, always wear her ring should she choose to.”
“IDK how long it has been since the blow-up but let her cool off and try to talk to her again.”
“Or contact her mom to check she is ok and try to explain what happened.”
“While her reaction is not justified in any way, she was shocked and thought that you were pranking her to make her look stupid.”
“Again she should have calmed down and heard you, so she is wrong for that.”
“I will say a better idea so that this would have been smoother for you would have been to just do the ring, and then after she was settled down from excitement, you could have said you also included the necklace so she could wear it while at work and present her with the necklace separately.”
“Now it will be up to you if you still want to be with her after this.”- Mysterious-Wave-7958
“NTA sounds as though a lot of thought went into getting her the perfect ring, even if not to her liking if that’s what’s going on.”
“Did she even get a good look at the ring, or did she think it was ‘just a necklace’?”-EntertainmentNo4422
“But where others are thinking her response was over the top, I have a feeling she really does think you were making a joke proposal.”
“Nobody pulls a ring out of its case and finds a chain attached to it.”
“She jumped to a conclusion, assumed you were just messing with her about the whole thing, and that’s why she won’t speak to you now.”
“Get someone else to talk to her if she won’t talk to you so that they can explain it to her.”
“I’m sure once she hears the explanation, she will calm down and realize it wasn’t a joke proposal.”
“Then propose again without the chain attached.”- inFinEgan
“Just explain it to her when she’s feeling a bit more ready to talk.”
“Was it a planned proposal?”
“Like have you discussed it previously?”- hopenuisancebaby
“Call or text her Mom and explain.”
“She evidently isn’t listening to reason right now.”- Pauscha580
“Coming from a healthcare professional angle, it might have been that she thought you don’t understand a lot of us, especially in hospital settings, aren’t allowed to wear necklaces either (for the same reason as rings, contamination).”
“The most I can wear is a plain wedding band.”
“It might be that she would be okay just wearing the engagement ring at home and thought you understood that.”
“This is absolutely a lovely thought, and I hope she hears you out.”- Expression-Little
“You clearly gave this a lot of thought but came up with an answer that your gf didn’t like.”
“Sorry you are in this situation as logic will not make her feel better, but if it makes you feel better, you are not the AH here.”- Rich-398
Everyone has an idea of what they might want their engagement ring to look like.
Even so, one can only hope when the moment finally comes that, the only thing that will be on people’s minds is the joy of the moment… and not just what’s inside the box.
One can only wonder if the reaction of his girlfriend, not to mention her refusal to even listen to him afterward, might make the OP question if he still wants to marry her.