Dinner can be an arduous issue.
Whether it’s a big group or a family of three.
And when attendance is a question, the menu is left in limbo.
The menu is the star of dinner and it can be cause for many a concern.
Case in point…
Redditor throwaway827262619 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for ordering food that my husband can’t eat?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 28 F[emale] have been with my husband 28 M[ale] for 9 years, married for 2 this summer.”
“We have a daughter who is 7 years old.”
“We rarely even fight, and if we do it has been more major and serious things, but this, to me was a small issue that is now turning into the biggest argument we have ever had.”
“So the problem is that me and our daughter love LOVE spicy food!”
“I always have and ever since I felt comfortable with her trying it, she has loved it too.”
“Sure we couldn’t compete in a spice-eating contest and even though our tolerance is high, it is not extreme.”
“But my husband, he hates it.”
“He is one of those people who think spice is unnecessary and only likes to use salt and pepper.”
“This is not a problem; sometimes I make a batch that suits his taste, another one for me and our daughter.”
“Sometimes me and our daughter will just eat how it is to his liking, as too little spices is easier to handle than too much as it would be for him.”
“Now this Saturday he was away with friends to go pick up some car parts.”
“It was a 12-hour drive in total, and they left at about 9.”
“I went ahead and ordered from an Indian place that our daughter has as her favorite.”
“My husband also likes this place and just orders something mild when we eat from there.”
“Since my husband was not home, I did not order him anything as I thought that they would’ve eaten on the road.”
“When he got home, he greeted us then immediately went to the fridge and saw some boxes left of food.”
“When he opened them, he obviously noticed he could not eat any of them.”
“Now we argued just for about 5 minutes of this, the consensus of the argument was him saying that I should’ve either thought about him and ordered him something, or I should’ve asked him if he had eaten or wanted anything.”
“I argued that I would’ve probably done so if it was just for a few hours he was away, but he was away for over 12 hours and came home about 4 hours after we usually eat, so I assumed he had eaten.”
“Now he has barely talked; he cooked his dinner for himself because, in his words, ‘I can’t be bothered.'”
“He texted me from the living room when I was cooking for me and our daughter, saying that he hoped I was happy to have my food my way now.”
“He is extremely weird about this.”
“He has never ever acted this way about something like this, and I am getting even more confused by it all.
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Your husband should have let you know when he was coming home, he was planning to eat dinner even though he was getting home hours after dinner time.”
“Late enough, you would have reasonably thought he would have fed himself, somewhere along the road.”
“NTA for not bringing a mind reader.”
“Any reasonable person would have thought, ‘Oh, husband won’t be home for dinner, now is a good time for the kid and me to get some hot food!’ NTA.” ~ YouthNAsia63
“It’s how it should work.”
“We love Indian food as a household but I cannot tolerate actual proper Indian restaurant cooking (I think it’s the fat they use?)”
“So as a result I cook it often, and when I am away the first thing on the menu for my husband and kids is an Indian takeout.”
“And I’m happy for them!” ~ jmbf8507
“I have to check for cardamon.”
“I can’t eat it without being up all night with indigestion and reflux.”
“Weirdly, my dad is exactly the same.”
“We’re lucky on the fat front as we have a few Indian takeaways by us that use dairy-free/vegan fats as standard to make it easier to cater for allergies.”
“OP’s husband is definitely being weird.”
“Home hours after dinner, no text to ask them to save him some food, and such an over the top in his reaction.”
“I wonder if something went wrong on the drive, which is why they didn’t eat and he’s in such a bad mood.”
“It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it just seems so wildly out of proportion.” ~ redheadedsweetie
“So he went away for a day with some friends, they got ZERO food, and he’s mad at you for not ordering 4 hours ago???”
“Tell me, are these friends a**holes?”
“Do they hold any weird sexist views?”
“Did they talk in his ear all day about how if you were a good wife, you’d have food ready for him and he was testing you?”
“Because otherwise, what the f**k?”
“He should be able to feed himself, especially if he was coming home hours after meal time.”
“This feels very odd… NTA.” ~ yildizli_gece
“He’s an adult, he should have told you that he’d want something for dinner when he got in.”
“He’s also old enough to make something for himself.”
“This isn’t major argument material. NTA.” ~ strangefish
“NTA. Your husband is a grown ‘man.'”
“If he gets hungry he needs to feed himself.”
“You’re not a mind reader, how were you supposed to know if he had eaten or not?”
“What if he had eaten, and you got him food, would he have been upset that he already ate.” ~ Vandreeson
“Communication is a two-way street.”
“If he wanted you to have something ready for him for dinner, he could have let you know that before he left.”
“Or he could have messaged you on the way home to find out what you had and if there were any leftovers.”
“Him being gone for 12 hours and coming home so late, why would you have thought to order something for him?”
“You are not a mind reader.”
“A big boy needs to use his words. NTA.” ~ Mistyam
“You say this is the first time he hasn’t stopped for dinner on one of these day trips.”
“That’s not your problem or your fault.”
“What’s with his notion that you ‘can’t be bothered’ to cook him dinner basically in the middle of the night?”
“He could have eaten on the road, picked up something on his way in, or done what he did and been a grown-a** adult!”
“Is he incapable of cooking or does he just assume you will ‘feed him’ all the time and also be able to divine that he’ll want dinner that late?”
“You aren’t a short-order cook or his employee or his servant.”
“You already go out of your way to make sure that you make food he will eat, even though it’s not to you and your daughter’s preferences.”
“I guess I’m petty, but I’d be telling him that he’s right ‘you can’t be bothered’ to give in to his petulant, immature behavior and that he can fix his own meals in the future too. NTA.” ~ Wackadoodle-do
“Exactly. I am the non-spicy one. My husband does like hotter food.”
“He either adds some spicy stuff, or he eats whatever I eat (his G[astrointestinal] I[issues] have him eating less spicy anyway).”
“I never impede him if he wants something spicy or something I don’t like.”
“He never complains if I want more tzatziki to go with my gyros (the spiciest I eat, I think).”
“If I am out for the day and not home by dinner time, he can make himself or order whatever spicy foods he likes!”
“And if I get home and I haven’t eaten, then I either throw a frozen pizza in the oven, or I get myself some takeout before coming home.”
“This is strange behavior.”
“Was he always like this?” ~ Zonnebloempje
“Right?! If my husband is gone for 12 hours, I would also presume he’d already eaten on the road.”
“If he wanted food after being gone for 12 hours, he could’ve easily sent a text asking what you were doing for dinner and either offering to pick something up for all of you on the way home or asking if you would make or order something for him.”
“Problem solved!”
“It seems like he expects OP to be a mind reader. NTA.” ~ Better_Specialist721
“NTA. It was reasonable to think he would have eaten already, especially with it being 4 hours past dinner time.”
“He also could have called on the way back and said something about not having eaten yet.”
“Had he done that, you likely would have made sure something was available.”
“There is nothing wrong with treating yourself and your daughter to a favorite food while he is away.” ~ alv269
OP came back to chat…
“Hi, and thanks for all your comments and everyone’s judgment.”
“To clear something up, no my husband did not cheat.”
“He was with his friend picking up car parts, he does not have a girlfriend or feels guilty about something that happened on the trip.”
“We talked this morning and he told me that he just felt forgotten about after he ate.”
“He was too ashamed to say he was sorry for starting an argument about this.”
“I also apologized for not even texting him and told him I was sorry for hurting him and also continued the argument without considering his feelings.”
“Everything is great, and from now on, we will just try to better our communication.”
“Thanks yet again for the help!”
Well, OP, Reddit was with you.
It’s great that you and the hubby worked it out though.
It sounded more like a situation revolving around general frustration and not malice.
Dinnertime can get stressful.
Happy eating going forward.