Weight gain is a very touchy subject. I speak from experience.
It can often lead to a lot of turmoil in personal relationships.
How do you talk about it? Why do you talk about it? How uncomfortable do you want to get?
It seems to be a topic where everyone is never on the same page.
Case in point…
Our Redditor NotLosingSleeep wanted to discuss their own story and get some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for staying silent on my girlfriend’s growing health issue?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“When we met, she was, I’ll ballpark it, 10-15 pounds overweight, now, we’ve moved in together, we’ve dated 6 years and, as the years have gone on, she’s become much heavier.”
“To her credit, she’s not one to just never talk about her weight, as it is an issue that is quite clear, but, she’s highly defensive and at this point, believes that I am to blame.”
“I’m someone who likes to just let people just do whatever (within reason obviously, nothing illegal) and so, when she was ordering fast food for herself 3-4 nights a week, I said nothing, because, I didn’t want that fight.”
“Well, now, in her mind, I’m to blame for her weight because I didn’t play food cop or handcuff her to a treadmill all these years.”
“I believe she’s projecting, that she’s mad at herself. She came away from a recent doctor’s appointment very embarrassed and I think her ego is bruised.”
“So, naturally, after she got back from this appointment her target was me, since I should’ve stopped her from eating junk upon junk.”
“I told her that her becoming this big is her fault and her fault alone. She is very upset that I referred to her as big.”
“AITA for not stepping in?”
Redditors had no issue sharing their thoughts on this matter by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors felt our OP was NOT the a**hole.
So let’s take a deep dive into their thoughts.
“NTA, she is a grown woman, you are not responsible for her eating habits.” ~ lampsandhats
“If she were OP’s child that would be a different story but it’s ridiculous she’s mad he didn’t magically know she wanted to be treated like a child lol.”
“She probably would have been offended anyway if he HAD said something earlier.” ~ schrodingers_cat42
“If she were OP’s child that would be a different story but it’s ridiculous she’s mad he didn’t magically know she wanted to be treated like a child lol.”
“I’m trying to figure out her logic. She knows fast food is fattening, she was aware she was ordering fast food several times a week, she was aware she was gaining weight.”
“None of this happened without her notice. Was he supposed to monitor her food intake?”
“Tackle her and snatch the food away before she could eat it? She would have torn into him for trying to control or shame her.”
“She’s a grown woman, capable of taking responsibility for her choices.” ~ thistleandpeony
“Agreed… like who t[he] f[**k] does OP’s girlfriend think she’s is?
“Does she think OP forced her to eat all the junk? Does she think he secretly manipulated her to stuff her face with wanton abandon?”
“Is she blaming OP for forcing food down her throat, as if he was the hand doing so?”
“G**damn that’s a 10/10 in mental gymnastics.” ~ frustrated_away8
“This! I’ve gained weight since I had my daughter… I’m embarrassed of it but unfortunately I just never stick to any diets or workouts.”
“My husband does the cooking and is the reason we bought a freezer just for ice cream.”
“It’s STILL not his fault that I have no self control.”
“(Although his scratch Chicken Alfredo that tastes like heaven might have a little bit to do with it.)” ~ Cargirl227
“How exactly should you have addressed it with her, if calling her big is that offensive? She’s projecting, you called it. NTA.” ~ Unlucky-Profession41
“You know it’s ok to leave if you’re not happy.”
“I can’t imagine having to deal with someone that’s supposed to be my life partner blame me for their own issues.”
“It must be stressful and frustrating. Negative ppl suck the energy out of everything around them.”
“Think about what you really want.” ~ rainbow_mak3r
“NTA. You’re her boyfriend, not her daddy.”
“A grown woman knows what is and isn’t good for her, and her refusal to refrain from gorging on junk is due to a lack of self-discipline.”
“As long as your girlfriend continues to pin the responsibility for her health on others, she’ll remain unhealthy.” ~ SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“Yup. Even if she decides to lose weight, when she inevitably gives up, it’ll still be OP’s fault in her mind.”
“He didn’t hold her accountable, he didn’t count her calories for her, he didn’t support her in her diet by eating the same food, etc.” ~ ertrinken
“NTA – but I’d like some info: Do you believe that you’d have been able to intervene or change the increasing fast food orders?”
“You said that you didn’t want to fight, so does that mean you did point out the negative health benefits at one point?”
“Or do you mean the general issue of commenting on someone else’s weight?”
“I agree that she’s projecting. She’s a grown woman and it was her choice to eat those meals. I’m not sure of the timeline, as some people can pack on pounds quickly.”
“But it’s likely this happened gradually.”
“This isn’t a “Why didn’t you stop me from eating two tubs of ice cream,” she’s blaming you for letting her eat x amount of meals.”
“This is not your fault.” ~ throw_whey_protein
“Accountability partners are a thing and can be useful, but really the person wanting the accountability (G[irl] F[riend]) needs to ASK for it.”
“You are fine, and NTA because from the way you relate it she expressed discomfort with other people trying to hold her accountable so you had no way of knowing she ‘wanted’ you to do it, or more likely wanted someone else to blame.”
“Maybe ask her what she wants going forward? Does she want someone to stop her from ordering delivery?”
“Does she want someone policing her portion control, or commenting when she snacks too much?”
“Does she want someone badgering her to get more exercise?”
“Chances are she doesn’t really want any of that, she just wants it to be someone else’s fault, but she may surprise us all.” ~ NotMyName919
Hopefully our OP has been given enough information to figure out their options.
And hopefully OP’s girlfriend finds herself on the track to health and inner peace, no matter her size.
Good luck to this pair.