Being pregnant can be very stressful.
Yes, it’s a miracle for many.
But it’s not an easy task.
The body needs rest.
And added stress is never a great help.
Case in point…
Redditor Illustrious-Plum-926 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for wanting to tell my S[ister] I[n] L[aw] I don’t want to watch her kid anymore?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I F[emale] (28) am with my fiancé M[ale] (28) and together we have an almost 2-year-old.”
“When my SIL (32) had her child I offered to watch her child while she got back into work because I understand it’s hard leaving your small baby in a daycare.”
“This was never intended to be long-term but a nice gesture from myself as I don’t charge her.”
“However I am now pregnant again with my second child.”
“I am 3 months pregnant and struggling with emotions and morning sickness.”
“I can barely be present for my 2-year-old nonetheless watch my child and along with her almost 1 year old.”
“Her child cries a lot due to teething and I’m not sure how to soothe her as she doesn’t nap well and is a generally fussy baby compared to my child.”
“I’m at my wit’s end and have cried to my fiancé multiple times about how emotionally draining it is to watch both.”
“I mentioned to my SIL that they need to find childcare as well as my fiancé and he said that my SIL asked to bear with them while they find a place but mentioned she thinks she may have found a place.”
“That was a MONTH ago.”
“So now I’m growing impatient and annoyed as I feel as though I’m struggling mentally and nobody seems to care, even though I have made it apparent how much of a burden it is for me.”
“If that were my child I would’ve found a place within a week or two.”
“However I’m at a loss of how to bring it up again without appearing rude.”
“And my fiancé says to be patient as he is sure it’s almost done but I argue how he would know that when there seems to be no end date in sight.”
“Should I wait another month? Help.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“If I bring it up again AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA. She’s the one being rude because you’ve already told her you they need to find childcare and they still haven’t a month later.”
“It’s time to be firm and clear, and if they consider that rude, oh well. ‘I know finding childcare is difficult, but it’s been a month since I brought it up.”‘
“‘This will be my last week watching your daughter. I hope you understand'” ~ Stranger0nReddit
“Agree except you need to give 2 weeks.”
“That will give SIL time to ask for time off from work if she can’t find childcare.”
“I sincerely doubt she has been looking for childcare.”
“You have saved them a fortune by watching their child and I’m sure they want to avoid childcare costs as long as possible.” ~ needofanap
“Seriously. This isn’t a job in an office or whatever.”
“There is no ‘notice’ need to be given.”
“OP has already been very patient, but her mental health and her own child come before SIL’s baby.”
“SIL and hubby need to get their s**t together and find appropriate child care. NTA.” ~ Palindromer101
“Eh, to be fair a month is not really that long when it comes to finding childcare.”
“Between finding good places, doing visits, and getting in it does take a while.”
“The US generally has a shortage of childcare workers/places.”
“Looking at child care and places often have a waitlist of a year or more.”
“We are looking for childcare spots for next fall and are on a couple of waitlists.”
“With that said, OP is not an a-hole for not being able to watch their kid anymore, it might be that NAH because SIL might be working really hard to find a place but has not had any luck.” ~ Dizzy_Needleworker_3
“SIL is still the AH for not communicating the search with OP and keeping her in the loop.”
“Also, it is really not OP’s concern that childcare has long wait lists.”
“SIL could have checked into them and gotten on a list before she accepted and exploited OP’s offer. NTA.” ~ mostlywrong
“Exactly this. SIL should at least communicate how she’s tracking, instead of leaving OP hanging.”
“SIL likely had one quick look at her options, decided she didn’t want to pay, and now will continue to drag this on as long as she can (ie until OP steps up for herself).”
“OP does not have to accept this and should set clear boundaries – it’s obviously affecting her and she’s being taken advantage of.”
“OP’s husband should be supporting her, she’s broken down in tears multiple times now and he still seems to prioritize SIL over his own wife.”
“He’s the d**k here for making OP feel she doesn’t have a choice.” ~ Dutchmuch5
“She told them a month ago.”
“She doesn’t owe them 2 weeks, she doesn’t owe them another DAY.”
“She’s pregnant and struggling mentally and physically.”
“OP: you are being taken advantage of.”
“You need to make yourself and your children your priority.”
“Not only are you NTA, but if this causes a problem in your relationship with your SIL, then she IS.”
“Just my 2¢, but if I were you, I’d have a heart-to-heart with your husband about how you’re feeling and he needs to be the one to tell her you’re done.”
“Good luck and congratulations on your baby!” ~ Heather0521
“NTA. Both of these people keep telling you to be patient but neither of them is the one with the problem.”
“They are both telling YOU to be ok with this problem.”
“I mean basically they don’t have standing to tell you to be patient.”
“Especially when the baby’s parents are not paying you for this.”
“It is not good for you or for your baby, for you to be under this sort of stress.”
“I think you should just tell your fiancés sister (you don’t have the protection of marriage yet so I’m not going to call her your SIL) that, beginning on Monday (yes, this Monday), you will no longer be able to babysit her child and that she will have to make other arrangements.”
“She or her spouse may have to take parental leave but, they are the parents of their baby and it’s their job, not yours, to suffer the burden of providing childcare for their baby.”
“You’re not being paid for this, so there’s no contract to break.”
“You’re doing your fiance’s sister a huge, huge, huge favor, and she’s not entitled to go on any longer than you are willing to continue doing this huge favor.” ~ Reasonable-Sale8611
“NTA. Here’s what you say,”
“I don’t mean to sound rude, and I love your kid.”
‘But I’m pregnant and I can’t keep doing this.”
“It’s too stressful to watch 2 toddlers, especially when they’re fussy. I’ll help out for this week, but you need to find someone else.”
“You’ve been providing free babysitting for long enough.”
“It’s time to prioritize your health and helping your child adjust to all the big changes that are about to happen in your home.” ~ Wonderful-Lie-650
“NTA. You have already saved your SIL thousands of dollars by being her daycare.”
“Is she under the impression you will ‘get over it’ and forget she needed to find alternate care?”
“Being straightforward and advocating for what you need is not being rude.”
“Give her a deadline.”
“If you can, punctuate it by going out of town.”
“Visit mom, or a sibling, perhaps?”
“Just be unavailable so she can’t weasel out ‘just one more week?'” ~ Qwillpen1912
“NTA. Is your fiancée concerned about your health at all???” ~ choppakilla
“Exactly my thought!”
“Once OP gives the final childcare date to these people she needs to have a frank discussion with the fiancé.”
“Because honestly WTF!”
“This is his family (his sister) and he’s not stepping g up and aiding the woman carrying his child.”
“I would tell him how disappointed I was that he didn’t think ‘Maybe she should not be doing all this while she’s pregnant’ and once told that there was an issue go to his sister himself and say ‘babysitting is over.'”
“He needs to get his head out his a**!” ~ KAT_GRL_WNDR
“This is what I am wondering!”
“She has clearly stated she is under duress and nobody seems to care??”
“Stress isn’t good on bodies in general, and definitely not good while pregnant.”
“Husband should be helping as much as he can in whatever capacity that is- upping his share of duties at home, helping his sister find new daycare, talking to the sister and setting actual boundaries, etc.”
“If he doesn’t think immediate action should be taken for his wife, he can start taking shifts watching niece/nephew.”
“(Obviously, OP is NTA).” ~ Gold-Hovercraft1343
“NTA. Get your husband to wake up and tell his sister to stop abusing you and your generous offer.” ~ ChubberTheChubber
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You have every right to prioritize your health.
You already have a child you’re responsible for.
And you’re allowed to choose comfort for your pregnancy.
It’s time SIL get it together.
Good luck.