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Guy Irate After Parents Shell Out $55k For Sister’s Wedding When He Only Got A ‘Meager’ $20k

Furious man
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When we meet the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, most of us would love for our parents to accept our significant other, and for the two families to come together as one.

But sometimes that doesn’t happen, though the issue may not be immediately obvious, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Disastrous_Class_561 was grateful to his parents for helping pay for his wedding when his wife’s family didn’t have the financial means to pay for the bride’s wedding.

But when he realized how much they were paying for his sister’s wedding, and heard their reasons why, the Original Poster (OP) realized his wife’s harbored fears about his family not liking her may have not been for nothing after all.

He asked the sub:

“AITA for calling my parents out on how much they paid for my sister’s wedding?”

The OP and his wife were grateful to his parents for helping pay for their wedding.

“This happened six months ago, but I am legitimately curious to see if I am the AH.”

“I (36 Male) got married six years ago to my wife. My wife’s family is not well-off like mine.”

“When we announced our engagement, my parents gifted us 20 thousand dollars out of the blue for the wedding.”

“We were shocked and so thankful. The money paid for my wife’s dress, my/her siblings’ wedding party outfits and makeup, and the venue/food.”

“We managed to have a small, beautiful wedding and even had 3000 dollars left for the honeymoon.”

“I am beyond thankful for that money and know that we would not have had our wedding without it. Plus, being able to pay for her family’s outfits and makeup really helped lessen their financial burden.”

But the OP was surprised to hear about his sister’s wedding plans.

“Here is where I need to ask if I am the AH. My sister is getting married and I just happened to be at my parent’s house and got into wedding talk.”

“My sister was going on and on about all the plans. I come to find that my parents agreed to shell out 35 thousand dollars for the venue and cut her another check for an additional 20 thousand dollars for other expenses.”

“My sister and her fiancé are both doctors. These expenses were outrageous to me, because I have been married and know it can be done significantly cheaper.”

“I went to my mom and asked why she allowed my sister to pick such an expensive venue when there was time to find another one.”

“We made our wedding work off 20 thousand dollars, how can she excuse my sister’s being three times the cost?”

“My parents are retired and in their late 60s and early 70s. She told me that my sister’s future husband’s family were high-class people and have certain expectations.”

“I asked what that meant, and she said that they couldn’t be expected to have such a meager budget as my wedding had.”

The OP’s mother brushed off his concerns.

“I was floored. I asked her if she thought 20 thousand dollars was a ‘meager budget,’ and what did that say about what she thought of my wife and her family.”

“My mom said I was making a big deal out of nothing.”

“A woman’s family pays for the wedding, my sister was just having an expensive wedding, and it was none of my business.”

“I agree that it is their money and they should spend how they want, but that high-class and meager budget comment has been eating at me since.”

“It seems to me like my mom is saying that my wife was lucky to get a wedding because her family is not well-off.”

“I haven’t mentioned this to my wife because she does have insecurities about how my parents feel about her, and it might hurt her.”

“Am I the AH here for calling out my parents on how much they are spending on my sister’s wedding?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some called the OP the AH and encouraged him to remember his beautiful wedding.

“YTA. The money difference is not fair. Increasing costs over six years won’t equate to the difference.”

“However, it sounds like you were very happy with your wedding. Had you not known of the cost for your sister’s you would’ve still been fine. Ignorance is bliss in this scenario.”

“With your parents being wealthy, you’ll be on the receiving end of far more cash than most get when it’s time for an inheritance. Go back to being happy like you were before and forget about it. Happiness is more than just money.” – Allen_and_Ginter

“YTA. You received a gracious gift of $20k. Traditionally, it is the responsibility of the bride’s family to cover most of the wedding day expenses with the groom’s family paying for other things. It sounds like you chose to use this money to cover all your expenses and pay for a honeymoon.”

“Yes, these are antiquated gender roles, but you were also paying for the wedding with money that was a gift from your parents, so here we are. Personally, I think the whole wedding industry is a bit of a scam, but they do also deserve to charge a premium for dealing with brides.”

“So your parents are choosing to spend more of their money on a wedding for your sister. Does this make their gift to you less gracious? Do you love your wife less because not as much money was spent on your wedding day?”

“What remediation do you want, them to not spend one dollar more than you on her wedding, or them to pay over the difference? Live your life, love your wife, and be happy for your sister that is getting married, stop sweating about money that isn’t yours.” – Timely_Equipment5938

“Either way, you seem to be getting caught up in a me versus her situation.”

“You admitted you wanted a ‘small, beautiful wedding,’ but maybe your sister and her new family-in-law would want more? You haven’t said how many guests were at your wedding vs how many are going to be at your sister’s.”

“I mean… if you wanted, could you have asked your parents for a bigger venue? If that’s what you’re stuck on… YTA. You made 20 thousand dollars spread very far. Your sister has bigger dreams.”

“I just inquire because if you’re parents suddenly withheld anything but 20 thousand, your BIL’s family could pick up that tab, correct? I think your parents were pretty cool because your family broke the basic wedding tradition of the wife’s family paying for the wedding.” – NinersBaseball

“YTA, your mother is right, traditionally the bride’s family takes care of the wedding and reception, while the groom’s family takes care of the rehearsal. That said, six years ago, your parents gave you 20 thousand dollars for YOUR wedding, and they are covering much more of your sister’s wedding, and you’re jealous.”

“Nobody is holding anything against your wife’s family especially due to their financial status.”

“Many of us got married, paying for ALL of it ourselves, we had no parental assistance. Your behavior sounds petty and riddled with jealousy. If it bothers you so badly, then talk to your parents about how unfair it is… maybe they will come up with 35 thousand dollars for you to do whatever you want. Isn’t that what you’re driving at?” – many_hobbies_gal

“YTA. You missed the key statement. ‘A woman’s family pays for the wedding.’ That’s the tradition. When they saw this wasn’t the case, your family stepped up and made your wedding happen. Now they are paying for a wedding they most likely budgeted for a long time ago.”

“You can’t go into ‘But my sister got more’ territory, because the situations are not equivalent. Your sister gets more because mom is the mother of the bride. That’s a completely different expectation than the mother of the groom.”

“Let’s not even get into how much the cost of living has risen in the last 6 years. You were content until you found your sister was being treated differently. This really speaks to your expectations, not mom’s treatment of your wife.” – throwawayforrbn

“It’s traditional for the bride’s family to pay for most or all of the wedding. While it’s not necessarily fair in the grand scheme, the parents are abiding by social and etiquette norms.”

“And it’s not some tradition that’s in the past, I was at an expensive country club wedding recently where the bride’s parents took out a mortgage to pay for it and refused assistance from the groom’s much wealthier family.”

“OP’s beef is with society not necessarily with his parents. Soft YTA.” – MonkeyPawWishes

Others empathized but encouraged the OP to let it go and enjoy his marriage.

“NTA. This sounds a bit like a cultural thing and you did mention the bride’s parents paying for the wedding. This would in part explain not wanting to appear cheap to the groom’s parents if they are financially better off.”

“Stop comparing your life to your sister’s. And don’t mention this to your wife.”

“Focus on being a loving, supportive husband and father. Not all wealth is financial.” – Pristine_Resource_10

“NTA, but drop it. You had a glorious wedding that you made work with what you had. Others will have different weddings.”

“You expected a sane monetary contribution from your parents to each kid. Yes, your parents are being unfair, and classist, etc. Yes, they are the AHs. But you can’t change things and only come off as petty to them.”

“Just keep this detail in your calculus for the future. Like, ‘Isn’t it great that your sibling is a doctor, and isn’t it wonderful your parents should be looking to sis for their long-term care since you just aren’t in the same position?’ (Sarcasm font used).”

“Get your revenge another way, without bringing your wife down.” – Advanced-Awareness71

“NTA but drop the convo as it’s not going to be constructive or change anything, and definitely don’t bring it up when it will just hurt your wife.” – Leading-Summer-4724

“NTA. It’s not about money. It’s about equity. Your parents are gifting to their children in vastly unequal amounts based on gender. That alone is enough to make them the AH, and the rude comments about class/income are just the cherry on top of this s**t sundae.”

“It sounds like your parents have some antiquated ideas about things. You may need to pick your battles, though.” – rialtoledo

“NTA, it sounds like your issue is less about the money itself (at least, I don’t see you asking them to make you even, etc.) and more about the contempt that they have towards your in-laws. It sounds like they see your wife’s family as less than you, and that bothers you.”

“It should bother you! It’s difficult to process that someone you care about could be so judgmental of another’s circumstance.”

“I would take some time to see if this has bled into any interactions between the two. If it hasn’t, maybe not something to mention to your wife yet. But if it has, you need to make a joint decision about how to handle any situations where the in-laws interact.”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were small things that she hasn’t mentioned, or that her parents didn’t mention to her.” – GimerStick

“NTA. But nothing to do with the money. It’s the comment that your sister’s fiancé’s family is higher class that got to me.”

“You still had a beautiful wedding and you were happy with that, and in a traditional sense, it’s the bride’s parents that do pay for the wedding.”

“It’s the high-class comment that makes your mom the AH. It would seem that your wife’s feelings of insecurity regarding how your family views her are not for nothing. I’m glad you haven’t said anything to your wife because you’re right; it would hurt her.” – jill_glasgow_mhnurse

The subReddit was saddened by the revelation that the OP was in the middle of having, since to most, it seemed that he was far more concerned about how his parents perceived his wife and in-laws than what they had paid for their wedding.

The OP was encouraged across the board to let this go and enjoy his marriage with his wife, and look back on his wedding day fondly. While there was surely something brewing here, it was better to focus on the good things or to go low contact if he couldn’t take his mind off of what happened.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.