There’s no bigger turn off than someone who is rude to the waiters.
And, I would assume making a server cry over a little bit of banter falls under that category.
Redditor desertwaterfall encountered this very issue with a server. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for making a server cry?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My 15 year old little sister (let’s call her Ellie) has always struggled with food and eating and her weight and has actually been hospitalized before because of her weight dropping so low.”
“It’s near enough impossible to go out for meals with her because she likes food to be made in a very specific way and to know what’s in it. But recently she’s been having lot of therapy and seems to be getting a bit better – it’s been nice actually getting to go out with her to restaurants.”
“Yesterday I took her out for lunch, just the two of us, and as she usually does she made a lot of adjustments to the meal she ordered – she tends to order foods without sauces or dressings and to have things very plain and simple. As long as she’s eating, that’s fine with me.”
The server made an observation about her plate.
“When the server brought Ellie’s food over she kind of laughed when she put the plate down and said ‘bit of a boring plate!’”
“Ellie looked kind of shocked and embarrassed, then the server actually turned to the people on the table next to us, pointed at Ellie’s plate and jokingly said ‘look at that, all beige, ever seen anything like it?’ and they all chuckled and the server walked away.”
“My sister barely said anything for the rest of the meal and didn’t eat anything, I think she felt really humiliated. I saw red, I was furious, and I told Ellie to go sit in the car after I’d eaten and I was waiting to pay.”
“When the server came to take the payment I told her very firmly that it’s completely inappropriate to comment on someone’s food choices, as you have no idea what they’re going through. She said that it was just a joke and she would never comment on someone’s weight or the quantity they ordered, but just thought saying that the food was beige was harmless.”
“I said that it’s not a funny joke, and that she had just humiliated a teenage girl with a serious eating disorder and set her back god knows how far, and that she had done a cruel and malicious thing by making a joke like that at her expense.”
“She got all flustered and started crying (although still didn’t actually apologize) and I left without paying.”
OP was not happy, and they let the manager know.
“I emailed the manager of the restaurant when I got home and said I wouldn’t be coming back unless or paying for the meal without an apology, and he basically said that he was ‘sorry that Ellie had been offended’ but that I’d been aggressive towards his staff and made a server cry over what she perceived as a lighthearted bit of banter, and that I have to pay for the meal.”
“Our mom thinks I’m being an AH and that it’s not fair to expect everyone to understand my sisters condition, and that as much as she’s upset that Ellie is upset the server didn’t mean anything malicious and that I should pay for the meal now that the owner apologized.”
“I don’t feel like that was a real apology and I think the server was out of line, but now I’m questioning whether I overreacted and I should just pay. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed everyone sucked in this situation.
“ESH, The server for obvious reasons and you for not paying the RESTAURANT what you owed. Stiff the server on her tip if you want but don’t steal from the restaurant.” ~ DanielJacksonOfSG-1
“I kind of feel like if your employee is acting shitty, and then you double down and defend that shit.. you should get shit in return and then eat the cost of that said shit.” ~ infekteded
“Yeah no this is a huge miss from the employer. I used to work restaurants, and Im a proponent of standing up for your employees…when customers are being unreasonable.”
“When a server actually does something wrong, you tell them why it’s wrong, make things right with the customer, and keep an eye on the offending employee.” ~ mrgamesecrets
“You need to just stop.”
“First you need to pay for the meal. You ate it, you pay for it. That’s how it work. If you don’t want to tip the waitress or ask for a new one then fine but you still owe the restaurant for the food you ate.”
“Second, cruelty and malice implies intent, which there was none on the servers part at all. She thought it was a light hearted joke.”
“This is what a server does, brings food, makes conversation and sometimes banters. She missed on this one and you probably should have talked to the manager instead of dressing her down like this.”
“But the part of your confrontation that is truly a problem and really gets me is you put your sisters recovery on the shoulders of a complete stranger, you had no right to do that.”
“That’s not her responsibility and it’s not her fault if your sister is set back. It happens.”
“That’s part of the recovery process: learning to deal with set backs and how to not let things like this create a set back in the first place. It’s not on the rest of the world, especially not strangers, to know what’s going to trigger or set a person back.”
“That’s on them. Nobody else. And they need to learn how to deal with these situations because they will occur.”
“Instead of focusing on making a server cry and placing your sisters recovery on her shoulders you should have been in that car with your sister talking about what happened, how she feels and what she’s going to do to stay on track and not let this become a thing.”
“ESH” ~ FoxUniCarKilo
No matter how annoyed you are, you still have to pay for the food you eat.