Friendships shift as we age.
Relationships in adulthood change quickly as some people get partnered, buy homes, and have children, while others do not.
Redditor ImSoSorryCharlie is friends with a couple who have a child, and recently she experienced new challenges in her relationship with her couple friends.
A dinner party gone wrong recently prompted the Original Poster (OP) to turn to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
She asked,
“AITA for not making a second meal for a child?”
The OP went on to tell her tale.
“I [30-year-old Female] am friends with a couple, Mike and Sandra [35-year-old Male and 38-year-old Female], and invited them and their child Charlie [9-year-old Female] over for dinner.”
“Before they came over, I texted them to find out if any of them had any food sensitivities, allergies, needs, etc.”
“The wife said there was nothing I needed to worry about.”
“I decided on something a bit kid friendly while still feeling like I was cooking for adults, so I settled on chicken parm with some chocolate cake for dessert.”
“I figured it’s like chicken nuggets mixed with pizza, which kids would like.”
“It turned out really well for someone who’s just started cooking like me.”
“My friends were telling me that it was good, and maybe they were just being polite, but they ate everything.”
“Charlie poked at her meal the entire time we were eating, and I’m not sure she ate any of it.”
“After we were done, I brought out the chocolate cake. Charlie ate a tiny bite and immediately started bawling.”
The evening’s mood immediately shifted.
“Sandra asked her what was wrong, and she cried that she didn’t like chocolate. Sandra continued to comfort her daughter while Mike and I awkwardly ate dessert.”
“A couple of minutes pass, and I notice Sandra is glaring at me. I hesitantly asked her if I could help her with Charlie.”
“I’m not good with kids, which she knows, but I wasn’t sure what else to do.”
“She huffed and asked, ’Is there anything you’d like to say to Charlie?’”
“It took me a second to realize that she wanted an apology for her kid not eating my food.”
“I thought it might help cheer Charlie up at least, so I said I was sorry that she didn’t like my food.”
“Charlie started crying harder, and her mom asked me if I had anything she would like instead.”
“I drew the line there. I told her that I wasn’t going to cook anything else and that if I didn’t like what my mom made me as a kid, I went to bed hungry.”
“Mike is just silently eating his cake while Sandra tried to convince me to make something else from [sic] for Charlie to eat.”
“I stood up from the table and asked Mike if he would like me to wrap up his cake for him to take home because the rest of his family was apparently not having a good time.”
“I suggested that Sandra could go home and make something for Charlie to eat.”
“Sandra scoffed at me and said something about how I was cooking tonight, and she thought she could have taken the night off.”
“I knew I was about to say something I really regretted, so I slammed my plate on the table and told her to get out. Mike seemed genuinely embarrassed as they left.”
“I haven’t spoken to any of them since and now I’m thinking I overreacted by kicking them out of my house.”
“So, AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA she was out of line. If she has a picky kid, she should pack snacks or food for her.”
“Crying over chocolate cake. Ridiculous.”
“You did nothing wrong. Mom was wrong. The kid is not your responsibility, and catering to her food issues isn’t your job.” – herdingcats2020
“NTA.”
“Sandra is so out of line, and she doesn’t see ‘the line.’”
“If the child is known to be a picky eater, which we don’t know but can only assume that to be the case, then it’s Sandra and Mike’s priority to make preparations for that.”
“Not the person that is hosting you, especially after OP asked! This is absurd, and Sandra sounds entitled. Golly!” – mmslly
“Yet another example of a parent trying to change the world for their child instead of teaching their child to live in the world.”
“NTA” – panteragstk
“What kind of kid cries over chocolate cake? NTA, your friend Sandra is the a*” – socialworkerxoxo
“NTA”
“Sandra set you up.”
“If her kid’s a picky eater (please only cook her white things sprinkled lightly with oregano you buy at 6 a.m. at the farmers market smothered in organic catsup you import from France type picky), she needed to tell you.”
“Then she needed to bring the white stuff & oregano & heat it up herself.”
“Or she needed to quickly apologize TO YOU & ask if it would be OK if she nipped into the kitchen and hard-boiled her kid an egg or made her a PBJ.”
“But what she didn’t get to do is manipulate you to apologize. For what? Because her kid’s a picky eater, and she set you up, and she’s a truly dreadful mother and a worse guest?”
“P.S. Next time, do try to hold it together.”
“As in ’Gosh, since little Charlie doesn’t like anything I’ve cooked and chocolate cake is so upsetting to her, and I don’t have a single other thing to offer, you probably want to race right out the door & rush home instantly so you can fix her something. I’ll get your coat.’” – Nester1953
“NTA, her kid, her problem.”
“She didn’t make any comment on the food for her kid when you asked, and you don’t go to someone else’s invite and demand other food!”
“Also, 9 is old enough to talk, not cry at everything. Both of them need to apologize to you.” – Individual_Brush_116
“NTA. The entitlement of Sandra is astounding.”
“She didn’t parent her child correctly and expect others to cater to her entitled child. The dinner you made sounds great.” – Pandasrthebest
“NTA – the amount of disrespect they brought to your table is astonishing. You were wrong to apologize.”
“poor innocent kid, life will be difficult for her if she cries in front of chocolate cake. Not kid fault but bad parenting.”
“anyhow, I would never apologize for that. ‘dear kiddo, not always we get things our way, please try to eat if you are hungry or wait to get home to have what you want. You cannot argue a gift, when you pay you can set conditions’” – neekthefreak
“NTA.
“‘is there anything you’d like to say to Charlie?’”
“Did you forget to mention that you’re 4 and Sandra’s your preschool teacher?”
“Because godd*mn that is some condescending sh*t to say to a person in their own home, especially after they just cooked you dinner.” – Paradox31426
“NTA, if that crazy asked me if I’d like to say anything to Charlie, I’d of said. ’Charlie, go pack up your toys and put on your shoes. It’s time it go.’”
“No f*cking way I’m bowing down to a 4-year-olds tantrum.”
“Edit: misread age. a 9 yo, no freaking way. What kind of parenting are these people doing by appeasing that behavior.” – AllThoseRedFlags
“NTA – you asked if there were any dietary restrictions or needs and were very thoughtful to make things you thought would be appealing to a child.”
“Expecting you to go whip up something else is entitled and extremely rude.”
“The fact that a 9-year-old cried about not liking chocolate cake is also bizarre for me.”
“Being able to politely say “no thank you” sounds like a lesson Charlie probably missed because her mom was too busy making her new meals.”
“PS kudos on doing all this while you’re still new to cooking! It sounded delicious!” – whateverworks1470
The OP went on to add some clarification for Reddit.
“This happened about 3 days ago, and I’m going to reach out to Mike today when it’s not 4 AM. Thanks for the perspective, everyone!”
“Thank you to everyone for sharing all these new perspectives on this situation. I truly appreciate them all (except the guy who told me just not to act angry next time).”
“I reached out to Mike today to apologize for kicking them out. Mike apologized for everything.”
“He said that Sandra’s mother had been admitted to the hospital that day, so understandably, nobody was really on their best behavior.”
“He said they drove straight from the hospital to my house.”
“He said he would have said something about it, but Sandra had asked him not to mention it then so she could focus on dinner, which is totally fair.”
“Charlie isn’t normally a picky eater or spoiled or autistic or anything. She was just upset about grandma. Why she latched onto saying she didn’t like chocolate is really anyone’s guess.”
“Sandra’s mom is doing better now, and while the family didn’t behave at their best, I’ve got no hard feelings about dinner anymore.”
“Maybe they’re lying, maybe not, but I’m willing to give the friendship one more chance, though I probably won’t cook for them again.”
We do hope all is well with Sandra’s mom, and while it doesn’t excuse her behavior, it certainly helps swallow the bad attitude, if not the chocolate cake.
Sounds like a missed opportunity for a lesson in being a gracious guest.