Several weddings at one time can lead to utter chaos.
Whether it’s within the same family or circle of friends, one wedding at a time seems best.
But that is not the way it will always play out.
So how close together is too close together?
Maybe when this happens a double wedding is the answer.
No matter what, drama awaits.
Case in point…
Redditor britcassy wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for planning on getting married before my twin sister?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ve seen a few posts related to similar wedding situations but none with twins so I wanted to ask.”
“My fiancé recently surprised me with a proposal on a trip to Iceland (September 2023).”
“I said yes and we excitedly started discussing wedding visions.”
“It’s important to mention my twin messaged me a seemingly random date for August 2024 while I was on vacation.”
“When I questioned it she simply said ‘My wedding.’”
“This exchange of messages took place before my fiancé proposed to me.”
“After our trip, we attended a dinner at my parent’s house with family, my twin, and her fiancé in attendance.”
“She got engaged in September 2022.”
“Over dinner, everyone was curious about when we were planning on getting married so we honestly answered ‘Maybe July 2024.’”
“I will also say before our response together, I jokingly said ‘Aug 1, 2024’ and everyone laughed including her fiancé.”
“I did explain it was a joke afterward just to make sure everyone knew I wasn’t serious.”
“My fiancé actually picked the time of year himself.”
“When he explained all his reasonings I agreed we could look for dates in July.”
“Later that week I had a call with my twin and she brought up the joke date asking if I was serious.”
“I explained no it was a joke.”
“She asked if we were serious about July to which I told her yes.”
“She told me my fiancé and I were being disrespectful and she expected an apology from him for choosing that time of year because we knew she already had a set date in Aug.”
“I explained we did not pick that time of year with any intentions of hurting her feelings or being malicious or evil.”
“She did not care.”
“The phone call ended after she explained she could not put into words correctly how she felt and she would contact me later.”
“She never reached out so I waited until the next day to call and talk to her.”
“I asked if she’d had time to figure out the right words so I could understand how she felt.”
“She told me she didn’t need to explain anything because she’d already told me she felt disrespected.”
“The call then devolved to her basically screaming and yelling at me.”
“She requested that I not talk to her about wedding-related things until I have a set date and venue with a deposit put down.”
“The basic message I got from her is she does not want me to get married before her even if it’s only by a month.”
“Other than that it is very hard to get her to clearly communicate exactly how she feels or what she means by what she has said.”
“There are other conversations that took place between the dinner and the last phone call with her but I feel I have included the most important information.”
“One of my fiancé’s reasons for that time of year is specific to a family member’s health.”
“I did not tell my sister this as I did not feel it was my place.”
“Since then my fiancé has had a discussion with her fiancé and disclosed that information.”
“The family member has terminal cancer.”
“My entire family knew my fiancé was going to propose on the trip.”
The OP was left to wonder,
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was the A**hole.
“Well, to be fair, she gave you a date for her wedding and you come back to announce that your wedding will be one month before hers.”
“It feels very much intentional, even if you say it is not.”
“I am not calling you an a**hole but I see where she is coming from, from the outside it really looks like you have rushed to be the first one married as soon as she had a date.” ~ Ryuloulou
“I would say YTA. They are twins.”
“They’re going to have a similar family guest list.”
“If OP puts her wedding first, it will be so much more difficult for her twin to have family attend her wedding.”
“People don’t get endless P[aid] T[ime] O[ff] or requested time off.”
“And moreover – they are twins!”
“The dynamic is even more extreme compared to other siblings.”
“Having them one month apart kind of sucks that special individualism out of it.”
“Something that would really tick me off if it was my sister.”
“But if it was my twin sister! It would be a deep-seated feeling of ticked-offness.” ~ Lithogiraffe
“I say YTA because I feel like OP has created a false dichotomy in their mind.”
“The venues they’ve looked at so far aren’t available in May/June but keep looking.”
“Make your own venue at someone’s house, or I don’t know like f**king rent out a restaurant or club for the night and do it there.”
“But the ONLY option is not to have it in July at the one place they found or this sick family member can’t be included.”
“Might need to get creative, but OP could likely find another solution that kept everyone happy and doesn’t outshine her sister immediately beforehand.”
“For your information, I don’t assume she is actually trying to outshine her but that’s how it looks and probably feels to her twin.”
All the parties/events are going to get intertwined it sounds so stressful for everyone involved doing it back to back.” ~ Cashewsftwamirite
“I’m not a twin, but my older sister (3 years older) and I had a similar relationship.”
“Besides the fact that we look the same, we also have the same mannerisms and even my baby niece thinks I’m her mom.”
“Anyhow, I eloped six MONTHS after she got married and she was pissed.”
“So pissed that for our tenth anniversary this past August, she straight up refused to go to my wedding.”
“We had only invited 20 people, 4 of whom were from my side of the family.”
“My wedding had a total number of 15 people with only 2 from my family.”
“My husband and I wanted to keep it small and intimate, but I really cared about my sister going and she let me down because of some stupid competition.”
“A competition, I might add, that only she cares about.” ~ nrjjsdpn
“But why should OP have a worse wedding than she wants?”
“Weddings are important and people want them to be the best they can possibly make it for themselves.”
“To OP’s husband, one of the most important things is to have a terminally ill family member attend.”
“So because they want to have that person there it’s either that person attends and they have a low-key wedding (that they don’t want) to appease the twin or their dream wedding.”
“Or as close as they can get it, and F the terminally ill person and the soon-to-be husband/family.”
“Like I get the not liking having close weddings.”
“And I do think they should keep trying to find a good venue a little earlier (but that might not be possible).”
“But I do not agree with the ‘outshining’ thing.”
“People shouldn’t make it about that.”
“Unless someone is purposefully trying to have a bigger better wedding just to have that over someone else there should be no talk of outshining.”
“People should just be allowed to throw their party their way and be happy about it without themselves or others comparing it.”
“If the only way for the twin to be happy is if OP’s wedding is after hers or ‘worse’ than hers then I feel she’s the AH.”
“I’m not even sure with the way OP talked about it if the twin would be fine with OP having an even earlier wedding so as to not have them a month away (because it was only earlier than hers not just close)” ~ MayCyan425
“YTA- there’ve been a lot of reasons given, but I haven’t seen this one yet and it’s the first thing I thought of.”
“Of course, your family and friends assured you that they’ll attend both weddings, because what else can they say?”
“So you’ve chosen to stick them with double expenses in the space of a month.”
“There’ll be photographs yes?”
“Since you mentioned wedding venues, this doesn’t sound casual or informal, meaning most women will want two different outfits because they don’t want to wear the same one to both.”
“There will be two trips to the nail salon, the blow dry bar, the spray tan place if that’s their jam, two hen dos, two stag dos, two babysitters if there are kids involved and mom/dad want to cut loose, and of course, two wedding gifts.”
“If there’s travel involved, double that too.”
“While they say now that they’ll make it to both, if you keep the dates as is I’d be willing to bet that attendance at your sister’s wedding will be at least a third less than at yours.”
“Someone else suggested doing a small courthouse wedding right away to accommodate the family member with health issues and then have a blowout first-anniversary party.”
“If you truly care about your twin and your future relationship, do exactly that.” ~ HRProf2020
“Yeah, you’re being TA to your family members who would like to attend both weddings, but maybe can’t do two trips so close together.”
“You should not put them in the position of having to choose between your wedding and the twins.” ~ th987
Well, OP, Reddit has some serious issues with this situation.
This could get very ugly for the whole family at a time when there should be joy.
Maybe you can go right after her in September?
Nobody should relinquish their wedding happiness, but hopefully, y’all can find a way through this.
Congrats and good luck.