Choosing a name for a new person coming into this world is an intimate experience.
Parents want to choose a name that will fit and properly represent a person for life.
But how does one name a person one has never met?
Over the last few generations, it feels like parents have been playing fast and loose creatively with baby names.
Some are welcomed, and some are... questionable?
This is why a lot of people are unable to hold their tongue when the topic comes up.
Case in point...
Redditor nfjs74839 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for not keeping my thoughts on my sister's ridiculous baby names (Stanford and Yale) to myself?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I'm the youngest of three siblings."
"There's me (34 M[ale]), my sister Katie (35 F[emale]), and my brother Ian (38 M)."
"Out of the three of us, Katie is the one who 'made it' (her words)."
"She attended Yale law school and is engaged to a neurosurgeon (Daniel) who attended Stanford medical school."
"Over the years, it's become clear that Katie looks down on me and Ian because we aren't as ambitious/successful/credentialed as she is."
"Katie has expressed her astonishment that the family business is profitable even though someone who got C's in high school and never went to college (aka me) has been running the day-to-day operations for 10+ years."
"Katie also once told Ian to his face that he 'wasted his potential' (context: Ian was the valedictorian of his high school class, just like Katie) by dropping out of college to help Mom run the family business after Dad passed away."
"Katie and Daniel recently posted that Katie is pregnant with twin boys, and their names would be Stanford and Yale."
"I commented 'Congratulations!' but later I texted her to say that it wasn't right to give the boys ridiculous names that would put them under immense pressure to succeed from a very young age."
"I also asked her about what would happen if one or both of them weren't as successful/perfect as she hoped."
"Kate didn't like the points that I made."
"She texted back 'I wasn't asking for opinions, especially from someone like you. Consider yourself uninvited from our wedding until you sincerely apologize.'"
"To be honest, I was already leaning towards not attending due to Katie's condescending attitude towards me, but the 'someone like you' comment sealed the deal.'"
"I told Ian what happened, but he said that I should've kept my thoughts to myself."
"So AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. Parents should be steered away from giving their children highly bully-able names." ~ plfntoo
"Yeah, definitely NTA."
"My mom wanted to name me after a popular Disney princess and we even have the last name to match."
"I would have looked like an a** trying to use an ID or credit card with that name."
"Or Winifred because ya know, the Wonder Years was popular."
"I ended up with a relatively common name and thank god for that."
"Though the Disney princess would have been funny/ironic considering I forced her to give me a bowl cut (I hated my long hair) and wouldn't leave the house for a year unless I could wear my Ghostbusters coveralls."
"Eventually they got fed up and forced me to burn them." ~ Gcs-15
"In my lifetime I have known 1 Stanford (whom we called Stan), 2 Yales, 3 Princetons, and 1 Cornell."
"Asians like to name their kids after prestigious schools, I guess?"
"None went to the college they were named after (actually, one did get into Princeton)."
"And none were bullied for their names."
"Although as twins, it seems a little much." ~ Even-Emu5483
"If that were me, I'd purposely go to Cornell, Brown, or Harvard."
"Or maybe a small private college like Saint Mary's (California) or a state University (maybe Cal Poly)."
"This is just cruel to the kids and setting them on a course of resentment."
"Also, this is some sort of badge to everyone who asks: why did you name them that?"
"Oh, well, that's where hubby and I went to college, thereby rubbing their education credentials in everyone's faces all the time."
"OP, NTA but his sister and hubby sure all for lots of reasons stated by OP." ~WhizGidget
"This lady and her husband sound like name-dropping pretentious a**holes."
"I'm sure the main reason for naming their kids that is so every time they introduce their kids to people they can say, 'This is Stanford and Yale! You know, since my husband went to Stanford and I went to Yale and we have such fond memories.'" ~ Capital-Afternoon-22
"NTA. Your sister sounds absolutely insufferable and conveniently forgets that the family business that she looks down on as less than provided a roof over her head, and food on her plate as she was growing up."
"Start a lotto as to when her kids go N[o] C[ontact]." ~ paisley_life
"Not only that, but she sounds like the type of mom that will treat her kids as if they have some sort of moral failing if they end up having a learning disability (or any disability) and can't keep up with her expectations." ~ SailorSunBear
"NTA. You brought this up in private (the way such things should be, especially when first broaching a subject like this), and, frankly, someone needs to tell her that kids are meant to be their own people."
"She's about to give birth to two trophies to her career accomplishments, and I feel very, very bad for the kids."
"Given her attitude, I'm not surprised this didn't change anything, but good on you for trying." ~ Prime-Number-52021
"NTA. I don't care if/where/when my kids go to college."
"I have a Ph.D. and several other degrees. The partner is in a very advanced scientific field."
"You were brave to speak up for your nephews."
"Children deserve to be individuals and not be pressured to outperform or follow their parent's endeavors."
"The only reason I would give for trying to rekindle the relationship is to be a positive influence on your nephews, but that may be asking a lot of you, and they may not be receptive under their parents' influence." ~ jgalol
"If the kids had already been born, I would say that you should keep your thoughts on the names to yourself."
"But, being pregnant myself, I understand that telling people the names you've picked out means that people are going to give their opinions."
"Family ESPECIALLY because they will feel more free to share their opinions in most cases."
"NTA. Those names really are awful."
"I do agree that it would have been better to keep your thoughts to yourself, but I doubt you're the only person who couldn't help themselves."
"Plus, why does she care about the opinion of 'someone like you' anyway?"
"I feel bad for those kids." ~ lightningbug24
"As someone who has worked in schools with the current generation of kids, OP is absolutely NTA."
"Kids can be so mean, and missing several years of 'normalcy' and regular socialization has made it worse."
"Even if they weren't outrageously bad names (Really? Naming them after Ivy leagues? I can get past like, the Breydons and Ainsleighs, but after colleges?), those two kids are going to get bullied so bad by classmates, other peers their age, and likely feel so much resentment to their parents."
"Especially if they DON'T get into ivy league schools, which is a very likely possibility."
"OP's sister sounds like a real piece of work and I hope she re-evaluates her mindset before having her kids." ~ trogladyte_colony
"NTA, not for your sister's attitude towards your family, but for you to protect these kids."
"Calling kids by school names is ridiculous."
"If she wants to give them 'educated' names, she has so many possibilities - first names of savants, first names using etymology."
"Calling kids 'Yale' and 'Stanford' sounds really pretentious." ~ Booky_Cat
"I guess this is where we talk about emotional IQ and social savvy."
"Your sister might be smart but true wealth and status whispers."
"She's your family's, Donald Trump."
"I'd be okay with the disinvite."
"Make sure she doesn't get 1/3 of the business."
"You and your brother should have 1/3 now with your mom's 1/3 divided between you siblings."
"Make plans now for an eventual forced buyout. NTA." ~ Ipso-Pacto-Facto
"NTA. Let me see if I've got this straight… your brother left college to help run the family business, you have been running the business for 10+ years, and your sister has the nerve to look down on both of you for working instead of going to an Ivy League school?"
"What were you supposed to do, close the business?"
"Let your mom struggle to run it alone? Sell it?"
"And on top of that, giving her kids names that are pretentious at best and targets for bullying at worst?"
"You owe her nothing. I wouldn't even send a card." ~ littlelostangeles
"NTA for two reasons in my book..."
"1. You are her brother and therefore you care about her unborn babies and..."
"2. Your comments were based on being worried they'd be put under too much pressure, not because you simply didn't like the names."
"I think your concern about these two particular names is logical."
"All of the credentials in the world can't buy you common sense."
"Be glad you're a 'person like you' and not a person like her." ~ HabitualEnthusiast
"Wait, she was pregnant before getting married?"
"I know we don't shame women for getting pregnant out of wedlock these days, but given her condescending attitude I'd definitely be petty enough to question her health education and the validity of her husband's medical degree (but I'm an AH)."
"You, however, are NTA." ~ BatGalaxy42
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You voiced an opinion
It sounds like your sister has never had a problem doing that herself.
And it's your sister's wedding. She gets to invite and disinvite whoever she wants.
A little time to cool off, and maybe this will blow over.
Good luck. We applaud you for advocating for your newest family members, though.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.