When a woman announces she is pregnant, her friends and family are understandably elated and want to shower their expectant friend with gifts.
But can someone go too far when considering their so-called kind and thoughtful gesture?
A pregnant mother struggled to deal with an individual who insisted on giving her a very specific gift and subsequently visited the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for guidance.
TakeMeHomeThrway asked:
“AITA for refusing to use the take-me-home outfit my father’s girlfriend bought for my daughter?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’m pregnant with my second child, a girl due next month.”
“When my older son was born, my husband and I got him a ‘take-me-home outfit’ to leave the hospital in. Choosing it became a very special memory for us, and we decided we’d do the same with whatever future children we had.”
“Last month, my father’s girlfriend of two years (I’ll call her ‘Betty’) presented me with a onesie for my daughter. She specifically said that she wanted me to use it as the take-me-home outfit.”
“Betty had expressed the desire to buy that outfit three times since I’d announced my pregnancy. On all of those occasions, I explained that me and my husband wanted to pick it and buy it ourselves, and that choosing the first clothes our daughter would wear at home meant a lot to us both.”
“When Betty gave me the onesie, she jokingly said she was ‘saving us the effort.'”
“I sincerely thanked Betty, but told her my husband and I still wanted to pick the take-me-home outfit ourselves. I don’t think she took it seriously, as her only reply was that we wouldn’t find anything cuter.”
The OP continued.
“I’ll be honest. I really don’t like the outfit she bought. But even if I did, I wouldn’t use it as the take-me-home. My husband and I were really looking forward to getting it ourselves, and even our son wanted to help us choose his sister’s ‘special clothes.'”
“A little under two weeks ago, we finally picked the outfit. It’s a light yellow one that we fell in love with.”
“My father and Betty came over for lunch on Saturday. Before they left, my son excitedly showed them the outfit. When Betty asked about the one she’d gifted me, I reminded her that we’d wanted to choose the baby’s take-me-home ourselves. The onesie she got me will be kept with the rest of my daughter’s clothes.”
Things got awkward.
“She didn’t say anything. My father called me the next day to tell me I’d made Betty very upset with my ‘attitude.’ He said that she put a lot of care into the outfit she’d picked, and it was petty and inconsiderate of me to dismiss her generosity.”
“Pretty much everyone that knows about this is on my side, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my doubts. I also recently found out the onesie Betty bought was VERY expensive, so maybe that’s what’s making me doubt myself.”
“That said, I did express how much this meant to me and my husband, and I told her not to buy the outfit several times.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
A majority of Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Since the outfit she bought was expensive and its existence is causing drama, I would give it back to your dad’s gf. Maybe she can return it for a full refund or at least store credit.”
“Don’t get me wrong: you’re under no obligation to return it. I just feel that a gift that’s being held over your head like this isn’t a gift worth keeping.” – Mother_Tradition_774
“NTA. You’re not obligated to do anything you don’t want to do, regardless of the cost of the outfit. It’s your kid so your rules. You made it clear to her and she ignored you.”
“This is a personal decision between you and your husband, nobody else. She’s got some nerve trying to force this on you, and completely ignoring your wishes for your child.” – Vandreeson
“NTA, but if it’s still an issue after she’s born, what about have pictures taken with your daughter in the outfit and sending those pics out to everyone.”
“Maybe in passing mention who bought the outfit. It might diffuse the situation, allow her to get some recognition (which is what she wants).” – see_through_the_lens
“I was going to recommend putting her in it at the hospital for a minute, maybe without a diaper??
The OP did mention that the gift “cost around $140” and wasn’t opposed to “the idea of dressing my daughter in it at some point.
“Tell her that she had a blow out or spit up on it and you had to change her into the backup outfits that you brought. But $140 for a newborn onsie is insane!!”
“NTA you told her your plans, set your boundaries and she ignored them. No reason you have to change your traditions to make her happy.” – Wendilintheweird
“That’s an insane amount to spend on a baby outfit.”
“It feels a bit like she thinks money can buy her special privileges in your kids life.”
“Do not let the value of the outfit change your mind, I think it’s just another part of the manipulation tactic to get what she wants. And it’s not about what she wants, because it’s not her baby.” – life1sart
“You’re missing a trick. The best way to handle people trying to steal your significant moments is to use their suggestions to create significant moments for them instead. Then when they try to pull the ‘ungrateful’ card they just look like they’re being petty while you’re doing something nice for them 😉”
“Tell your dad that you were planning to surprise him and his gf by using the outfit they’d chosen as your daughter’s ‘first visit with (insert whatever cute names your kids use for the two of them)’ outfit because you’re looking forwards to getting photos of them holding her wearing it, but now they’ve kicked up such a fuss you’ve had to ruin the surprise for them.” – SeePerspectives
“NTA. If dad tries to tell you again that Betty is upset, tell him that you are upset that Betty tried to steal a special family tradition/moment. You told them about it multiple times, and both dad and Betty are actively trying to ruin what should be something special for your family.”
“This is one of those times where you shouldn’t be sorry you upset someone. You were polite and kind beyond belief, explained yourself thoroughly, and made an effort not to make a scene.”
“Betty is making herself the center of attention for your event. YOU have every right to be upset – both with her for not listening, and your father for blaming you.” – TheOpinionIShare
“NTA, you couldn’t have been more clear, you drew a hard boundary as parents should. Her feelings are immaterial and your Dad is apparently happy to throw you under the bus to keep his girlfriend happy.”
“I don’t care if it was the most expensive outfit in history, it wasn’t her place to assert herself.”
“Her pole vaulting over a clear boundary is not your problem to solve, her feelings are not yours to manage. How they choose to respond going forward will help clarify how much of a relationship they will have with your children.” – whatsmypassword73
“This is a VERY odd fixation for someone who is not even legally related to you or your child to have. A gift that you did not ask for, that she MANDATES you use at a particularly special moment that does not involve her?”
“She is either trying to get some type of vicarious parenting fix, or trying to use this as a misguided way to cement herself into your family.”
“Either way, it’s creepy. Hold your ground here, you and your child owe her nothing. NTA” – No_Glove_1575
“NTA.”
“If Betty wants a child to wear that outfit home, then she best be having a child do so with.”
“It’s not her kid, she doesn’t get to impose her wants onto it. You make the decisions for your child, not her.”
“You clearly communicated your expectations multiple times, but she thought her feelings were more important. Tough lesson for her to learn, I guess.” – BulbasaurRanch
“NTA.”
“Look, this is like choosing and gifting someone a wedding dress. No matter the cost of it, but if the bride doesn’t like it bc she, obviously, wants to choose her own wedding dress, then she will not wear it, period.”
“If someone tells you they want to choose themselfs and you disrespect that, then you will have to live with the fact they will not use what you chose for them.”
“I think this goes way deeper with betty than the onsie. My guess is this was a power move to establish her rights to be the kids grandma. So i would ask your dad if he is sure this is really about the onsie or if its possible his gf feels insecure about the role she will have in your kids lives.”
“Especially if she was too new or not even around yet when your first was born. I would try to get to the bottom of this before the baby is born.”
“I assum as soon the baby is here and its not clear what her role will be or she can’t accept it, she will create some weird situations and this could lead to arguments with your dad and strain your relationship with him.”
“I’m pretty sure she assumes that bc she is with your dad when the baby is born she will automatically get the title of grandma and be as important than your dad. If thats fine for you, all good, but if not you should have a discussion about this.” – Every_Caterpillar945
After reading through the comments, the OP may have decided on the future of the onesie.
She said:
“Keeping it around doesn’t seem worth it.”
Hopefully, the OP and Betty can move on from this regardless of what happens to the onesie.