When two parents come together to marry after a prior marriage, a complex dynamic is in store.
Their children from the prior marriage are forced to collide and, ideally, mix comfortably to form a new, expanded family.
For that to work, the newly married parents must be very deliberate about how they handle the attention they give, the priorities they exemplify, and the patience they show.
One mixed family recently hit a bump in the road when it geared up for even further expansion.
The mother of that family eventually consulted the feedback of the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), who has since deleted her username, explained the thrust of the issue in the post’s title.
“AITA for wanting separate pictures of kids/step kids for baby announcement?”
First, OP mapped out the key moving parts in the recent ordeal.
“Background: I have been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years. He has 2 daughters from a previous relationship (9&10yo) and we had out first daughter together about 1 1/2 year ago.”
“I found out I was pregnant a few months ago and have been putting off making any baby announcements. I’m due in 3 months and the only people that know are our parents / siblings.”
Then she explained the first sign of friction.
“I decided to order a ‘big sister’ shirt for my daughter and snapped a few pictures to send to my extended family (aunts/uncles/cousins).”
“The pictures came out cuter than I expected, and I asked him if it was okay with him if I posted them to social media.”
“He said that not having the older girls in the picture made him feel like he has two separate families.”
OP leaned into that fact.
“I pointed out that, in a way, he does. All four of the girls are his daughters, but they aren’t all mine. The older girls are very close to their mom…”
“…and I explained to him, that although they are part of our family, I am not their mom and they will never view me as such, and being a step-mom is very different than being a mom.
She then dug her heels in further.
“At the end of day it’s not really a huge deal to me, I don’t post on social media frequently, but this whole situation has me feeling upset.”
“I feel like he wants to pretend that we are not a blended family. I mean he does have two kids with one women and two kids with another.”
“And I feel like he doesn’t acknowledge that, or the fact that, although the girls are all equal, they are different because they don’t have the same moms. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors determined that OP was the a**hole. They were outraged that OP could be so exclusionary.
“YTA. He wants he’s older girls to be included with his younger girls. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. By keeping them separate, YOU’RE the one pretending you don’t have a blended family. You have to be together to blend.”