Even when children legally stop being “children”, it’s understandable for parents to still want to help them.
As a result, they might continue to lend their children money and give them a place to stay until they find a stable income.
But is there an age when this sort of help should stop?
According to Redditor throwawayaita284, that age is 18, which also happens to be the age of her stepdaughter.
The original poster (OP), told her husband as they are expecting a new baby, his daughter should find a place of her own so they could use her room as a nursery—something the OP’s husband wasn’t on board with one bit.
Wondering if her request was that unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for wanting my adult stepdaughter (18) to move out?”
The OP explained how she generally had a good relationship with her stepdaughter, though her stepdaughter’s relationship with her son often resulted in jealousy.
“So small backstory, my husband and his daughter moved into my house back in 2016.”
“I was more than happy for my stepdaughter (Erin) to move in since she doesn’t get on with her own mother.”
“Me and my husband have a child of our own who is now 5.”
“Erin and my son get along so well and she is amazing with him, but sometimes I get a little jealous about the bond they have.’
“My son will only want to be hugged by her or spend his time with, he even stopped wanting me to read him a story at night and says he likes the way Erin does it better.”
“I admit this makes me jealous but it is not the reason I want her out like my husband keeps thinking is the reason.”
Upon learning a new arrival was on the way, the OP felt the timing was right for her stepdaughter’s departure, something her husband wasn’t on board with at all.
“We recently found we’re having another child and since our house only has 3 bedrooms there just won’t be enough room.”
“I want to turn Erin’s room into a nursery room.”
“Since it is my house, I thought my husband would understand that I want my room back as I was nice enough to let her stay here for 6 years.”
“She’s 18 now and legally an adult so I don’t feel any guilt about asking her to leave.”
“Her college doesn’t have accommodation, so she lives here while at college so I understand it would be difficult for her to find a place to stay.”
“She could even move back in with her own mother while she looks for a place.”
“My husband is mad at my decision and is calling me an AH and saying if she goes then he goes too.”
“I don’t want to lose him too but I feel like this is my decision, not his.”
‘I’ve not told Erin about this yet but planning to soon so I can get on with decorating before I physically can’t.”
“I’m worried she’ll think I’m an AH too since I still want a relationship with her.”
“So please help me, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP found little sympathy from the Reddit community, who felt she was pretty clearly the a**hole for wanting her stepdaughter to move out.
Everyone agreed it seemed the OP was being thoughtless and agreed her motives were mostly driven by jealousy, wasting no time in pointing out several obvious alternatives to her stepdaughter moving out.
“And guess what?”
“Even if Erin and your husband move out of your house, your son is still gonna like her more.”-Crlady
“Put the crib in your room till the kid is sleeping through the night and then they can share with the 5yo till sd is done with college.”
“Problem solved carry on.”- trudyking3011
“I was nice enough to let her stay here for 6 years.”
“Ma’am, from the ages of 12 to 18 you are a child.”
“It’s not a favor to house them, it’s YOUR responsibility.”- lllindseeey
“You’re a family shouldn’t it be discussed amongst both of you.”
“That’s HARSH, dude.”
“Maybe your other kid likes her more than you for good reason.”- molotovmerkin
“If she was your biological daughter, would you be making the same choice?”-seoullimited
“It’s been six years and you still talk about it being your house.”
“You said you were happy with taking in Erin because of relationship with her mother and now you want to send her back without hesitation?”
“You sound like a jealous AH.”
“Her moving out isn’t the only option there possibly could be and I think if you weren’t jealous and/or cares more for her like your own daughter than your husbands daughter, which is still family from a man you love.”
“This option wouldn’t be your pick.”- anna23014
“Only reason you’re wanting Erin to move out is you’re jealous of her.”
“It is the reason.”
“You chose to have another kid.”
“You don’t kick out another kid cause oops you didn’t think about your circumstances.”
“Doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything wrong at all and you’re looking for any reason to get her gone.”
“Good for your husband for standing up against you.”
“You are married.”
“It’s not your way or the highway.”-Witty-Clock8483
“How do you think you’re not.”
“You basically want to tell her that this was never her house, she’s only there because she was a child and you wanted her daddy.”
“A newborn, who could easily stay in the room with you or share with his/her brother until Erin is done with college, is more important to you.”
“You think that you have any right to chuck her out.”
“I feel like this is my decision, not his’.”
“SHE’S HIS DAUGHTER.”
“Its obviously jealousy.”
“Thankfully her dad has some sense.”
“You need to get over yourself and quick before he ends up leaving you.”- Scarlett_-Rose
“After raising this child from age 12-18, you feel justified in kicking her out.”
“She’s in college, so obviously not working and earning enough to support herself.”
‘She isn’t a piece of furniture you can discard because you’re redecorating.”
“Just admit you want her away from your other child.”
“Most parents would be thrilled that their kids get along so well.”
“I would give the same ultimatum to you if I was your husband.”
“You’re horrible.”- tatersprout
‘YTA and just altogether an awful person.”
“You clearly don’t care about this young girl that has lived in your home since she was 12.”
“She’s helpful, she’s in college, she sounds like a lovely young person.”
“I can’t believe you don’t see how shitty you are.”
“If my husband tried this shit with my teenage son, he’d be the one looking for a new home.”-MrsSophiaBrown
“Your house only.”
“Just because she is 18, doesn’t mean she can afford moving out.”
“Especially since she’s at college.”
“Try to find a different option for all of you, so you guys can be happy.”
“And especially the part where you say you don’t feel any guilt, asking her, like that’s pretty heartless in my opinion.”
“I really understand that you guys need some room for the baby, but this is not how you should deal with it.”- DaryaJRose
“Your step daughter has no place to go or money to get a place so you’re basically planning to make her homeless so you don’t risk your new baby liking her more.”
“You’re also risking divorce by pulling the ‘my house, my rules’ crap despite your husband living and contributing to ‘your’ house for six years.”
“But at least you’ll have a pretty nursery, right?”
“You looked at the cold hearted step parent stereotype and just fully decided to lean all the way into it huh.”- CrystalQueen3000
“Kids are NOT interchangeable.”
“She has done nothing to deserve this.”
“You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“Enjoy being a single parent.”- MiReDu1972
“You want a relationship with her but for all the years she’s spent being a child in your home you were never her mother.”
“Shame on you for prioritizing a room over a child.”- Guilty_BaN
“It honestly sounds like you are jealous about the bond your son and Erin have.”
“It also sounds like you are having another baby to try and build a bond with another baby and don’t want Erin to ruin it.”
“‘I don’t think he should get a say in what I do in my own home’.”
“GIRL are you 5?”
“Marriage is a partnership.”
“And honestly if I was him and I saw that comment I would leave. It is his daughter.”
“They came as a package deal.”
“You said she doesn’t get along with her mom but then say she can go live with her until she finds a place.”
“Do you know the toxic place that puts Erin in?”
“Sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do.”- Lilwilson0429
That the OP felt her request was justifiable, in spite of being well aware her stepdaughter would be in school where there wasn’t housing is very confusing indeed.
Making it hard to disagree with those who feel the OP is being driven by jealousy surrounding her stepdaughter’s relationship with her son.
Here’s hoping this can be solved with a civil conversation.
Otherwise, this new baby will arrive in a very disgruntled household indeed.