Our ideas of gender continues progressing with time.
But, some people still subscribe to traditional gender roles. And7 they even try to project those ideas to their children or grandchildren.
However, being upset about another person’s gender or their expression is not okay.
Redditor Effective_Buffalo_43 encountered this very issue with her mother. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for telling my mom she can’t see her grandson unless she changes her attitude?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (33) and I (31) are pregnant with our first child after trying for a year now. We found out that we’re having a baby boy and we’re so thrilled.”
“We decided that we were going to do a small gender reveal party. My mom always wanted a granddaughter she even wore all pink to the gender reveal.”
“When the blue confetti came out everyone cheered except for my mom. She decided to leave and go home so I didn’t see her the whole rest of the party.”
OP’s mom took to social media to share her disappointment.
“After the party, I decided to get on Social Media the first thing that popped up was a post from my mom saying ‘Worst day ever.'”
“When someone asked what was going on she replied: ‘My daughter is having a boy when I wanted it to be a girl but I guess it’s okay.'”
“I called my mom and I told her that unless she changes that attitude then she can’t see her grandson and she just screamed at me but I kept it firm. My husband and in laws agree with me but other relatives called me an Asshole.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“Imagine a grown up acting like a petulant child who didn’t get their own way. I’m sure she’ll come around, but be on guard that she doesn’t eventually show favoritism to any future granddaughters. You may need to continue to protect your son from this woman.” ~ NorthernLitUp
“OP, it’s okay for your mom to be disappointed, but it’s not okay for her to complain about it publicly. I’ve seen a lot of AITA posts about husbands/fathers being disappointed that they are having a girl (or that they have all girls and no boys) and they are roundly (and correctly) branded as AHs.”
“Your mom is as well, for the same reason. Hold firm on your boundary. NTA.” ~ Anonymotron42
“My wife and I wanted a girl after having 3 boys and 1 girl (no in house playmates), and I was disappointed for a few minutes, but neither of us ever complained to other people or told our son we wanted a girl. We embraced it and never looked back.”
“Ok, well, my wife still talks of adopting a little girl (even just yesterday), but we don’t regret our son one bit.”
“I remember during the ultrasound, the doctor said, ‘there’s his little turtle…,’ and I thought, ‘damn, girls don’t have turtles.'”
“Not the worst thing that could happen, and this grandmother should be happy that they’re even having a baby. Many couples are desperate to have anything besides a dog or cat to love.” ~ Darkmatter1002
People argued even if OP was having a girl, grandma would be disappointed.
“This isn’t a crisis. Grandma-to-be shouldn’t need rings worth of support, and this shouldn’t be anywhere near ‘Worst day ever.'”
“I’d be worried about letting a child of any gender around a grandma like that, frankly. Even assuming the child will identify with the sex they appear to be at birth (which isn’t a given) there is a lot of variation within a gender.”
“My parents had three cis girls, and got a Nerd, a Feral Amazon, and Jock. Not a Barbie-loving pretty princess in the bunch.”
“Would a grandma like this bemoan the tragedy if a girl goes out for track instead of cheerleading? Try to take away toy dinosaurs because those are for boys? Or are we meant to believe this is entirely about the baby’s plumbing, which would be a whole different level of concerning?”
“OP is NTA. Grandma wants a made-to-order mini-person, she can go find a custom doll and leave the actual human grandkids to figure out who they are without her interference.” ~ FluffyDinoButt
“OP is NTA – anyone that interested in gender has already set their ‘roles’ for them and that can be terror for the child.”
“My dad always said to people when they congratulated him for ‘finally’ having a boy after 3 girls – ‘what do you mean finally?? I have awesome girls and now a son – they are not any better or less because they are girls or boys!'”
“My parents had my baby brother when they were 42 (dad) and 39 (mom) – they thought they were done having kids, so the gender wasn’t the issue but their age. My oldest sister was 16 at the time and when she was out with our brother people would say how cute her ‘son’ was…after a while my sister would growl ‘heismybrother’ and stomp away.”
“Now my brother is turning 33 and he lives at home since he helped take care of our dad who was an invalid in the last years of his life – now he just takes care of our mother.” ~ mizmaddy
Overall, they agreed grandma overreacted.
“I could understand her being slightly upset if she was excited for a granddaughter but to leave and post what she did on social media???”
“That’s beyond shitty and OP is right.”
“If mom is going to treat her son differently because he’s a boy, he doesn’t need to be subjected to that. And if she has a girl later, Mom will try to favour her.”
“NTA OP. Good on you for putting down clear boundaries now.” ~ PaddyCow
“Yeah. ‘Worst day ever?'”
“I’m going to be a grandma and I hate it. Hope the kid never finds out how he ruined his grandma’s life before he was even born.” ~ sineofthetimes
“Ask her why it matters, have her write out in great detail the difference a girl would be instead of a boy in terms of her interaction with her grandchild.”
“Maybe she’ll recognize that she’s stupid for having a preference because babies are babies.” ~ BannedFromIKEA
The only one that has autonomy of that child’s gender is the child themselves.