Most of us have encountered someone with the same name as us.
It’s a silly coincidence that often gets a quick chuckle and maybe even and unearned sense of alliance between two strangers.
But imagine if that happened with someone that was not at all a stranger, but a very close relative.
That was the situation outlined in a recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster, who goes by nosharingfirstname on the site, gave a glimpse of the dynamics right in the title.
“AITA for calling my stepmom crazy for wanting to give her baby the exact same first-name as me?”
OP led with a bit of frustration.
“I [19-year-old female] feel like I’m being painted as the a**hole by my Dad, my stepmom and her family so I want an outsiders opinion on this.”
“For the sake of this post I’ll say my name is ‘Charlotte.’ “
Then she got right into the details.
“4 years ago my Dad [55-year-old male] met my stepmother ‘Rachel’ [41-year-old female] and they married after a year of dating.”
“I don’t mind Rachel but she is very stubborn and has a ‘my way or the highway’ mindset. I don’t think she’s a bad person deep down but she is very set in her ways I guess.”
“It’s also important to note that when Rachel was a young girl she had a 2 year old sister also called ‘Charlotte’ who died from an accident.”
Then came the key factor.
“Anyway, Rachel is currently around 7 months pregnant with a baby girl and I found out last night that Rachel wants to name her baby Charlotte after her little sister who died at 2 years old.”
“I was pretty shocked to hear this because that would mean my Dad would literally have 2 daughters called Charlotte and my half-sister and I would have to share the exact same name.”
“I admitted to Rachel and my Dad that I was fairly upset by the idea and it didn’t sit right with me.”
Then came that “my way or the highway” mindset.
“Rachel got defensive and said I didn’t own the name Charlotte and while I agree, I still think it’s inconsiderate to both me and my future baby sister to make us share a first name.”
“On top of that, it could potentially cause confusion in the future that would impact both of us as well as the rest of the family.”
“I even suggested that maybe ‘Charlotte’ could be the babies middle name instead but Rachel shut that idea down.”
But the diplomacy only got OP so far.
“So we had a pretty big argument, I admit I wasn’t the most level headed but neither was Rachel. I think at the end of it I stormed away and called her crazy and she called me entitled.”
“I’ve spoken to my Dad privately and truthfully he’s pretty unhappy with the idea of having 2 daughters called Charlotte.”
“However he doesn’t want to argue about it and he doesn’t want to spoil what should be a happy time in their lives. He begged me to just accept it and move on.”
OP has been left sitting with the ordeal ever since.
“My stepmom and her family are also pretty upset with me and want me to apologise but I’m refusing to budge.”
“I feel like it’s very unreasonable to make siblings share a first name and I think my future baby sister won’t want to share a first name with me anyway.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors took OP’s side. They had some choice words for her stepmom.
“Your stepmom is being ridiculous. She is so set on her needs that she won’t even consider how awkward this would be for her own daughter.”
“Your father is also being ridiculous. Both parents needs to agree on the name and he’d rather you back down than do the right thing for BOTH of his daughters. NTA.” — type1error
“NTA. It is completely unreasonable for her to give your dad’s other child your name. I don’t care about the history or her reasoning, she cannot be a good person and steal get stepkid’s name for her own child.” — neverthelessdissent
“NTA. Your stepmom is wild af for even thinking it. Your father is too. I’d be pissed and would openly express it.” — CoudyRita
Others began to think of the ways it would affect the baby-to-be.
“NTA Stepmom’s a pretty selfish weirdo, but there you have it. Baby Charlotte is going to go through life as Baby Charlotte or Charlie or Lottie because people will have to differentiate her from you.”
“This will be organic, and you don’t have to chime in on the preferred nickname. Best if you don’t, bc if you do your stepmom will dig her heels in.” — pioneboxwaiting
“Nta Call the baby Charlotte 2. Maybe she will see that baby being named Charlotte wouldn’t be a good idea. Maybe as a middle name it would cool.” — MaNiqqaOlaf
“NTA imagine being the other Charlotte and wondering why her parents couldn’t be bothered to give her a name of her own. Your stepmom is ridiculous, stubborn, and selfish.”
“She wants the name regardless of how her husband feels or how her daughter will feel. Tell your dad that If he allows this you’re going to change your name. First and last. See what that does.” — Kewege
And plenty didn’t let OP’s dad off the hook.
“NTA but your dad needs to grow a backbone and support both your feelings on this.” — l3rambi
“NTA your dad needs to stand up for you. A blended family is all about compromise; giving another child your name is insulting whether that’s their intention or not.”
“Tbh you sound like you’ve been really fair to Rachel, who frankly, sounds like a giant pain to deal with.” — Samsassatron
“Where the hell is your dad’s backbone? He’s “pretty unhappy with the name” but doesn’t want to argue about it, so he’ll just roll with it? I feel like that sort of thing works with super minor decisions, not something as big as your child’s first name.”
“Does your stepmom usually get her way because your dad doesn’t want to rock the boat?”
“Either way, you’re NTA. The fact that the kid will have the same first AND last name as you is really the biggest issue; from what I’ve read that’s basically identity mix-ups waiting to happen (and no, I don’t mean ‘Which Charlotte are you talking to??’ at Thanksgiving dinner).” — Platypus211
But with no updates, we’ll never know exactly what that baby will be named in just a couple of months.