Mother daughter dynamics are not always easy to navigate.
Some duos are closer than others, but tensions will arise even for the closest.
Redditor No_Suit2126 recently got in a spat with her mom and got… abandoned.
This interaction led the Original Poster (OP) to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
She asked,
“AITA for refusing to get in the car with my mom?”
She went on to say,
“I’m [28-year-old Female] 33 weeks pregnant, high-risk, and on modified bed-rest.”
“I can still do moderate exercise and run errands but mostly I’m meant to be sitting with my feet up all day so I don’t get sick again.”
“My doctor okay-ed me to continue doing my mile-walks so my mom and I went up to our local park that has a walking path. She drove her car.”
“We got about 1/8 mile from the car and I mentioned thinking of changing the name I’d picked for the baby. It’s been a point of consternation between she and I.”
“I had settled on a name but in the last couple weeks it began to feel like the wrong name. I’ve been trying out a few names. She’s frustrated by my inability to pick one.”
“Anyway, I mentioned this wanting to change the name and she had a visceral reaction. She growled, threw her hands in the air, yelled a curse, and turned around and started storming off.”
“I didn’t realize what she was doing so I just stood there and watched. I thought she was going to turn and come back.”
“Instead she stormed to the car, got in, and drove away.”
“Even if I had realize what she was doing I couldn’t have caught up with her, I can only waddle these days.”
“I walked back to the parking lot thinking she was coming back and just messing with me but five minutes passed and she was still gone.”
“My leggings don’t have pockets so I didn’t have my cellphone with me.”
“I went inside the community center and fortunately there were some ladies setting up for something and I asked if I could borrow a cellphone.”
“I figured my mom wouldn’t answer so I called my grandfather, who lives 10 minutes from the park. He said he’d be right there to get me.”
“About the time my granddad parked my mom pulled back into the lot.”
“She asked me why I called my grandfather instead of her and I told her that she left me in a park, without a cellphone so I borrowed someone’s and called the only number I had memorized that I knew would pick me up.”
“Mom told my granddad she was sorry we’d bothered him and that she’d take me home. I told her I wasn’t getting in the car with her and she was crazy if she thought I was.”
“She asked why and I told her, ‘you left your 8.5 month high-risk pregnant child in a park without a cellphone on an 85 degree F day, over something as stupid as naming a baby that isn’t even due for another 7 weeks.’”
“‘She won’t even know her own name for months, it literally doesn’t even matter yet, but you let it become a whole drama.’”
“My granddad drove me home. He gave my mom a stern talking-to when we got there.”
“Mom is now walking around acting like she’s the victim because I embarrassed her. She said I should have just got in the car with her.”
“She’s only offered a half-a**ed apology but it was more of a, “sorry you feel the way you do” apology and not a real one.”
“She says I’m overreacting. I’m writing this with the intent of showing her so I’ll accept whatever judgement comes my way. If I overreacted I want to know it.”
“Edit: she didn’t know I didn’t have my phone.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“She left her 8.5 month high-risk pregnant child in a park without a cellphone on an 85-degree F day over something as stupid as naming a baby that isn’t even due for another seven weeks.”
“You said it all”
“NTA” – DoIwantToKnow6417
“Exactly. Summed it up beautifully.”
“I honestly thought this was gonna end up with her coming back after 2 minutes and you being all huffy and risking your baby rather than getting in the car.”
“But nope. Plot twist. Your mum was completely irresponsible, and you were right not to get into the car with her.” – cottondragons
“She thinks YOU are overreacting when SHE got pissed and left you at the park over the name of YOUR baby. Perhaps she needs to look up the definition of overreaction.” – SuperNovel6099
“NTA. If you mom flips out this much before the baby is born, think long and hard about if you want to deal with that and more when the baby’s coming and after its come and decide if you want that in your and your baby’s life” – _ac3_0f_spad3s_
“Your mama is acting like her opinion about what you name her baby is any of her business.”
“Well, it’s not, and you can give your faux apology mother the cold shoulder until she shows some true remorse.”
“Thank god for your grandpa.”
“And, OP, from now on, don’t go anywhere without your cell phone, not even into the bathroom.”
“If you are high risk-even in the other room may be too far in an emergency. Better safe than sorry. NTA at all.” – YouthNAsia63
“NTA.”
“Your mom seems to care more about her own minor frustrations than your safety. And her unwillingness to accept responsibility is really concerning.”
“Do I understand right that you live together? If you get to a point where you can change that, you should probably consider it.” – bigcup321
“NTA”
“STOP discussing names with Mom. Let her find out the name you chose after giving birth. It does not concern her. She does not get a vote.” – Motor_Business483
“NTA”
“You’re the parent. You name your baby whatever you want, and the appropriate response is always “That’s beautiful, how do you spell it?” even if you didn’t pick real letters.”
“Your mom is an adult, and she can do whatever it is she needs to manage her own emotions.”
“If people don’t feel safe getting in the car with someone having a temper tantrum over a name, then she can not do that.”
“You’re her daughter? She’s named babies. She’s had her fun. This is your baby.” – DMurThighs
“That level of temper tantrum would be extreme for a toddler, let alone an adult in charge of a car.”
“Honestly even if you had declared the name of your baby to be snuffy mcfluffable butt, this reaction would be extreme.”
“Then on top of that, abandoning a heavily pregnant woman, who is high risk is unforgivable.”
“You are NTA, but I fear that the tantrum from your mother is doing to get worse once your little one arrives.”
“I think she may be a very demanding attention-seeking grandma. I would worry about your baby being alone with her” – Odd_Knowledge_2146
“NTA, of course. She put you in a potentially dangerous situation over something very petty.”
“Even if you weren’t pregnant, it’s ridiculous to abandon someone in a parking lot without means of communication.”
“You have every right to choose someone you’re more comfortable with to drive you home, especially as he was already there and you could both use some space from each other.” – GhoulInPyjamas
“NTA. She embarrassed herself. If this was just a weird one-off, no big deal.”
“But if your mother has ongoing issues with controlling her temper over minor things, then you’ll want to think about how to structure the relationship between your daughter and your mother.” – JonCoqtosten
“NTA. I honestly don’t know what to say about your mom. I’m 55, so I’m guessing close to her age.”
“Even on my worst hormonal day, I can’t imagine my daughter doing anything frustrating enough that I would get in my car and take off. Let alone if she were 8.5 months pregnant (high risk or not).”
“Maybe a mother-daughter therapy session would help? If she has been a good mom up til this point, I doubt you’d want to lose that relationship and for your baby a relationship with their grandmother.”
“Sounds like something else was bothering her that she didn’t share with you, but I truly feel you deserve a very sincere apology. If she can’t do that, I might have different advice.” – Futastic10
“NTA, absolutely. Does she need to be reminded that she is not actually the baby here?”
“She threw an actual temper tantrum over virtually nothing and actively chose to put the well-being of you and your baby (that she is apparently so desperate to have named..?) at risk in the process.”
“That behavior is somewhere between absurd and disturbing, with a side of WTF.”
“As an aside, it’s probably a good idea to try to keep your cell phone on you whenever possible while being high-risk healthwise.”
“I have a bunch of health issues and basically live in leggings with pockets. I take my phone everywhere (even inside my house) in case something happens.”
“This isn’t meant to blame you in any way (soooo NTA) or give unsolicited advice. It’s just not something many people think about, so I wanted to throw it out there.”
“I wish you the best of health, and I hope your mother joins us in reality.” – MaybeNextToNormal
Time to apologize, Mom.
We hope these two can come to a resolution before the baby is due.