Splitting a check can be a very stressful situation.
Some people only want to pair their portion.
But when one assumes they should be paid for, that can cause some chaos.
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITAH for not paying for my wife’s friend’s b-day dinner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (M[ale] 27) went with my wife (F[emale] 22) to her friend’s birthday dinner (F 20).”
“My wife’s friend invited us out for her birthday, and we went to a pretty nice restaurant.”
“I was expecting to pay for mine and my wife’s, of course, but when the waiter came to ask how we were splitting the check, my wife’s friend said one check and then told me thank you.”
“I was obviously taken back, and I told her I wasn’t planning on covering her dinner either (she ordered quite a few things and all pretty pricey).”
“Her friend said it was my birthday present to her, and I looked at my wife, waiting for her to say something, but she agreed I should just cover it.”
“I refused and told the waiter to make it two separate checks and refused to pay, my wife’s friend was pissed and had to use a credit card to pay.”
“My wife is now upset with me also and said I should’ve just covered her friend’s meal too, and instead, I made it a big deal.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I an a**hole? Should I have paid?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“My wife’s friend said one check.”
“Oh. Well then.”
“It would seem you were set up to be the money for the evening.”
“I’d be having words with my wife after something like that.”
“So rude.”
“Your wife’s friend was pissed because she couldn’t bully you into paying, lol.”
“Hope it stung her.”
“NTA. Your wife is upset with you?”
“Perhaps she should have made the suggestion to pay as a gift before dinner.”
“I’d be upset with my spouse if he tried anything like this.”
“Her total lack of respect is not okay.” ~ IamIrene
“NTA, but come on, you’re almost 30, and the girl you’re married to is barely in her early 20s, and her friend just left her teens and isn’t even of legal drinking age.”
“Like the age gap here isn’t horribly gross, but what do you expect when you’re hanging with college kids?”
“Common sense? Maturity?”
“You are the guy they will swipe right on just so they can get a free dinner and then never go on a second date with.”
“ETA: all people trying to talk about the age gap only want to lie and imply I’m saying a baby dated a man.”
“When I’m trying to explain, an immature young woman behaved like an immature young woman who didn’t discuss, mention, or do anything except invite her wallet husband to the birthday of her best friend, that he had zero idea he was paying for all of them is highly immature and most ADULTS don’t behave like that.”
“Does that sound mature or adult-like or fair?”
“Yet people want to conflate my discussing the age gap as me trying to talk about ‘minors and adults’ when it’s just talking about immaturity and age cycles.”
“Is there a difference between 80-85? No.”
“Is there a difference between ages 1-5?”
“Let intelligence come to that conclusion.”
“Stop clutching your pearls.”
“Read the literal text, not just the subtext, and do it with some critical thinking.”
“If you have further questions, look at where the OP decided to delete their comment on what sub on that particular post.” ~ starfire92
“You married a 22-year-old and hanging with a 20-year-old.”
“NTA, but if you wanted grown folk manners, you need to be hanging with grown folks.” ~ Flow201510
“NTA. Your wife could have offered to pay if she wanted to cover the birthday girl so badly.”
“The friend who felt it was okay to volunteer you to pay the bill?”
“Yeah, I’d never hang out with her again.”
“If that were my wife, I wouldn’t be upset if they were still friends, but I’m not going to any function she’s at, lol.” ~ aBeverage0fSorts
“NTA. Your wife’s friend invited you and your wife out for her birthday. I don’t see a reason why you would pay for all 3 of you.”
“If she couldn’t afford it and had to pay with a credit card, maybe she should have looked at a cheaper restaurant.”
“It does feel like there was an ulterior motive, how close are you to your wife’s friend?”
“If your wife is that upset, she could have paid it herself – she is her friend after all.” ~ Sorry-Photograph6991
“NAH. You took someone out for dinner who was a teenager YESTERDAY.”
“Of course, she’s expecting you to pay.”
“You’re an adult, your wife is a baby adult, and her friend isn’t even a full adult.”
“When you go out with not-adults, don’t expect adult behavior.” ~ rlrlrlrlrlr
“NTA. Either your wife set you up OR this friend sprang this on both of you and your wife wasn’t comfortable standing up to her.”
“Either way you need to have a serious talk with your wife.” ~ CuriousEmphasis7698
“Your wife’s friend is exceptionally rude”
“She invites you for dinner and then tries to put you on the spot to pay.”
“After ordering expensive items.”
“NTA – most people would have caved to her behavior out of embarrassment.” ~I ndividual_Metal_983
“And the DNA test says… YOU ARE THE SUGAR DADDY!” ~ Electronic_Wait_7500
“It’s rude to invite someone to dinner and expect them to pay. Period.”
“Doesn’t matter if it’s your birthday.”
“Having said that, I’ve never been in that situation because typically, we bring our friends out to dinner for their birthdays so we can treat them and vice versa.” ~ Mocinder
“NTA. If your wife wanted you to pay for it or knew that was going to be the expectation she should have at least let you know rather than putting you on the spot like that.” ~ Tdluxon
“NTA. A gift is something that is offered and not demanded after the fact.”
“A friend invited you both.”
“If anything, the expectation to pay would rest with her.”
“It’s concerning that your wife supported her friend’s rudeness.”
“Does this friend take advantage of your wife?”
“It might be worth discussing their relationship with your wife in case it is toxic.” ~ Mermaidtoo
“NTA. Your wife should have told you she offered to pay for dinner before you got to the restaurant.”
“If she even did offer to pay.”
“But then the wife should have paid.”
“Dropping the bill on you at the end is awful for both of them.” ~ here4cmmts
“NTA. Either the wife’s friend is unbelievably entitled, or your wife set you up, which would mean your wife is the entitled one, thinking she can spend your money for you.”
“I hope you know which it is.” ~ bobbiegee65
“NTA – You’re not the kind of man your wife wants to be married to or the kind man her friend wants to marry – but – you’re you, you stuck to your guns, and that’s great.”
“You know what’s fair and what’s not, and what’s more important than fairness?”
“You don’t owe your wife’s friend a birthday meal.”
“Who does she think she is?”
“It was the right call 100%.” ~ Lost-Bake-7344
“NTA. Having a birthday doesn’t mean you get everything covered.”
“Had you or your wife offered in advance of the meal, that’s a different story.”
“The girl just turned 20 so she’s not had to adult long enough to get it.” ~ Wise_woman_1
“No way NTA.”
“It’s wild to me that some people think this is perfectly acceptable behavior.”
“Even when it’s my own birthday I don’t expect others to pay, I always make sure I pay myself unless someone offers.” ~ VastOutlandishness20
“NTA. Obviously, your wife’s friend doesn’t respect you and your wife likely doesn’t either if she expects you to pay for other women’s meals.”
“If it bothered your wife that much, she could have paid for it herself.”
“I would not attend any more dinners, parties, or events with her friend and I don’t think you’ll be losing much by not attending.”
“You should also have a serious talk with your wife about why she thinks it’s perfectly reasonable and acceptable for you to be covering her friend’s tab.”
“Ask her if she would do the same for Buddy’s and see how quickly her tune changes.” ~ Clear-Forever668
“NTA. That’s something that should have been communicated before people started ordering things.”
“Usually the host pays if there isn’t an agreement beforehand.”
“You aren’t dating the birthday girl, you didn’t organize the dinner, and you shouldn’t be responsible for the celebrant’s bill unless you explicitly invited them out to dinner.”
“It is weird that it was just the 3 of you.”
“At that age, it’s usually a larger group, and all the guests split it.” ~ cassowary32
“OP does realize he’s been taken for granted already in a young marriage.”
“OP’s wife’s demands/expectations will grow as time goes on especially as he’s being treated as an ATM already. NTA.” ~ Remarkable-Treat-219
“Your wife is TA.”
“This should have been discussed ahead of time.”
“If the friend surprised you both, she should have backed you up and/or offered to pay herself.”
“Your wife’s friend may or may not be the AH, depending on what they said before and what your wife did or did not promise her.”
“She’s an AH if she assumed, your wife is an AH if she promised without talking to you before the actual check arrived.”
“You are NTA.” ~ Rooney_Tuesday
“Definitely NTA!”
“Your wife’s friend invited the two of you to join her for HER birthday dinner.”
“She invited you and your wife, so SHE should be the one to pay for the dinner!”
“The only way this makes sense is if it were determined BEFORE the dinner and was being given as a birthday gift!”
“It is absurd for anyone to invite people to come together to celebrate their birthday and then blindly surprise them with a bill for the event?!?”
“Your wife should be in full support of your decision as it was over-the-top presumptuous of her friend to expect to dine for free at a dinner party of her making?!?!” ~ as84753
“When someone invites me out for dinner, I expect that they will pay.”
“When someone asks us to join them for dinner, I expect that we will have separate checks.”
“When I invite someone to dinner, I expect to pay.”
“I think you were set up to pay. NTA.” ~ Canadian987
Reddit agrees with your actions, OP.
This smells of a set-up.
You may want to have a more serious conversation with your wife.
This won’t be the last time you face this hurdle.