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Woman Creeped Out After Best Friend’s Older Brother Buys Her Pricey Lingerie As Birthday Gift

Woman is showing a new bra in the hand.

When giving and receiving presents the ‘thought that counts’ can be a very real problem.

Not every gift idea is a good one.

Some cross the line.

And no receipt or return option can make the situation better.

Redditor throwaway_42353 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for throwing away the lingerie that my friend’s brother bought me?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (19 F[emale]) have been living with my best friend (20 F) for the last six months or so.”

“We’ve been friends since forever.”

“I know her older brother (26 M[ale]) pretty well, too, because I’d see him when I was younger and at my friend’s house and when he’d babysit us sometimes and drive us places.”

“I’ve known him like my whole life.”

“It was my birthday a month ago, and he bought me lingerie, which I thought was like really weird, so I just put it in my drawer.”

“I threw it away a few days ago because I’m never gonna wear it and like it just makes me uncomfortable because he bought it.”

“He was here earlier me and my friend were talking to him.”

“He asked me if I had worn the lingerie yet, and before I could answer, my friend asked if the lingerie was the one I threw in the trash.”

“I was gonna lie but she already told him what color it was so he knew that it was lingerie he bought me.”

“He started yelling at me for throwing it away because it cost him a lot of money.”

“I apologized but said that it made me really uncomfortable that he bought it for me.”

“He told me he was just being friendly and thought I’d appreciate the gift.”

“He accused me of thinking he’s some kinda pervert and kept yelling at me until I cried and went to my room.”

“I just hated the way he looked at me when he gave me the lingerie like it grossed me out so much.”

“I don’t think he’s a bad person or anything but it just made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to be reminded of the way he looked at me every time I saw the lingerie.”

“That’s why I got rid of it.”

“I didn’t tell him all this though because it would’ve really upset him.”

“My friend said I kinda overreacted in throwing it away because he was only trying to be nice.”

“I don’t know.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA – Giving you lingerie was creepy.”

“Asking if you had worn it was creepy.”

“Yelling at you for throwing it away was creepy and manipulative.”

“Yelling at you until you cried was abusive.”

“He was not ‘only trying to be nice’ by buying you lingerie.”

“He was being inappropriate and he knew it.”

“You do not need to accept or excuse other people’s inappropriate behavior to save their feelings.”

“You do not need to quiet your own discomfort to make someone else comfortable.”

“You need to tell your friend that her brother is no longer welcome in the apartment.”

“If she will not get on board with that, get a lock for your door and start looking for a new place to live.” ~ Forward_Squirrel8879

“It is not mean to walk away from someone who is yelling at you.”

“I give you permission to walk away from any person who’s yelling at you even if it’s a parent, even if it’s your boss.”

“You can say something like ‘It sounds like you are really upset about this. I don’t like being yelled at, and I’m going to walk away and give you some time to calm down.'”

“The only exceptions are if they are yelling about a fire or other emergency, or if you were around heavy machinery or loud people and they were yelling to be heard in a noisy space.”

“The other caveat is if you are at work and worried about your job and your boss yells, it also might be better just to take their yelling and deal with it later because you don’t want to lose your source of income.”

“But you still deserve better than a boss who yells at you.”

“If someone at work is yelling at you on a regular basis, you should find a new job as soon as you can.” ~ Explanation_Lopsided

“This! Your instincts were right.”

“Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.”

“It was VERY inappropriate of him to buy you lingerie, and he was not just ‘being nice.'”

“You should absolutely not feel bad about throwing it away. He never should have given it to you.”

“It might have been better if you had just given it back to him right away and told him it made you uncomfortable and you didn’t want it.”

“But you are only 19, he’s much older and your friend’s brother so it’s completely understandable that this was too big of a confrontation.”

“This guy is a creep, don’t trust him.”

“Stay away from him and let other people know about him as well.”

“Maybe your parents?” ~ WieniethepoohNonesense.

“He was way outta line when he got you something directly related to sex.”

“It was… really weird.”

“He did something creepy then he yelled at you for rejecting it.”

“Creepy guy x 10.”

“He got mad because his little trick didn’t work.”

“I’d unfriend him IRL and continue to have strong personal boundaries of what you will and won’t accept.”

“You were right in what you did and he is creepy.”

“Move on from him.” ~ 2bERRYoPERA

“NTA—that’s a weirdly intimate gift to give someone you aren’t in a relationship with.”

“And to follow up by asking if you’ve worn it?”

“He is a creep.”

“He yelled at you because he’s a creep.”

“Keep an eye on him when he visits you and his sister.”

“Move out when you can, and don’t let him know where you go.” ~ Caramel9941

“NTA. As a man I can tell you with like 90% certainty that he wants to have sex with you, though with that kind of ‘game’, I’d be surprised if he’s ever had sex with a woman.” ~ PilotIntelligent8906

“His asking if you’d worn the lingerie implies that he’s imagining you in it.”

“I’m sorry if my pointing this out makes you even more uncomfortable with him.”

“But you need to know.”

“And he needed to know that you found his gift not only inappropriate but also extremely awkward for you. NTA.” ~ dragonard

“Oh hell no, that man was being creepy as f**k and he knows it.”

“He clearly wanted you to start thinking about him in a sexual manner after receiving this ‘gift.'”

“Him checking to see if you’d worn it was him checking to see if it worked.”

“Him yelling at you for throwing it away was him having a f**king tantrum because you ruined his fantasies.”

“This is how stalkers operate; they build a fantasy in their head, and when their victim breaks it, that’s when s**t gets violent.”

“The man is manipulative at best and very possibly abusive.”

“Stay far the f**k away from him.”

“And his sister is enabling him.”

“If she refuses to see this, she’s not safe to be around either. NTA.” ~ SpaceyScribe

“Finally! Someone mentions the sister being in the wrong as well.”

“Thank you for pointing this out to OP.”

“Sister downplaying the issue is not good.”

“She may not even realize how wrong it is if she grew up in a household that screwed her outlook on what’s acceptable and what’s not.”

“That doesn’t excuse her.”

“OP needs to have a serious conversation with the sister and not allow herself to be browbeaten.”

“Boundaries are a good and healthy thing.” ~ wordpost1

“NTA. First of all, it was an inappropriate gift.”

“Second he verbally abused you.”

“Third your friend threw you under the bus.”

“His actions are indicative of someone who is, at the bare minimum, verbally abusive and at maximum is a predator.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re living in a safe environment.”

“What is going to happen if he next asks to take you out and you decline?”

“OP, move out and move out ASAP.”

“Better to hurt some feelings than put yourself in danger.”

“If your friend can’t understand why all this made you uncomfortable then she’s a s**t friend anyway.” ~ dbur15

“You need to put a rush on moving out.”

“The brother is a creep and his sister is not your ally.”

“Some people are very casual about lingerie and toys etc.”

“You are like most people and were creeped out by someone who’s known you since you were a small child buying you sexual items.”

“He shouldn’t have spent a lot of money on something like this.”

“He shouldn’t have bought this.”

“Do his parents know?” ~ fancyandfab


“Eww, eww, eww.”

“Giving good gifts involves imagining the recipient with the gift. Eww.”

“He is acting like a bad person.”

“It doesn’t matter if you’ve known him your whole life, he’s being a creep.”

“That was a wholly inappropriate gift and he knows it, which is why he’s getting pissed.” ~ Heliotrope_Daydream

“NTA. He’s creepy.”

“I don’t give lingerie to my sister’s friends. It’s creepy.”

“I wouldn’t give my sister lingerie. It’s creepy.”

“The only person I would ever think about giving lingerie to that isn’t my spouse or girlfriend is no one.”

“It’s f**king creepy.”

“The dude is a creep.”

“But does not have the testicular fortitude to make an attempt to date you first.”

“He’s f**king creepy.” ~ Inner-Nothing7779

“Hmm. Lingerie. How did he know your size?”

“It is creepy.”

“No normal man who knows any woman so casually is going to gift her lingerie.”

“He crossed a boundary.”

“Now he knows. NTA.” ~ YeiCortez01

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

You may need to evaluate this living situation and these friendships.