Not everybody has to be a fan of children… or weddings, for that matter.
And when planning a big, extravagant wedding, sometimes the requests and expectations asked of people, family in particular, can quickly become an issue.
It would be nice if everyone could be understanding and keep it all calm.
But once and a while, hotter heads tend to prevail, and then plans fall apart.
Sadly, relationships also take a hit.
Case in point…
Redditor Automatic-Office-964 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not going to my sister’s destination wedding since she had a problem with me staying at a different resort?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I can’t handle children for long periods of time.”
“I don’t hate them or anything.”
“I just get stressed out being around them.”
“My sister booked her wedding at an all-inclusive in The Dominican Republic that was family friendly.”
“A bunch of her guests will have kids, and there will be other kids there.”
“I said I would go, but I would stay at a different, adult-only, resort nearby.”
“This caused an issue because she gets a better deal on her wedding the more guests she has staying at the same resort as her.”
“She said I had to stay at her resort.”
“I said no thanks.”
“She got my parents involved, and they said I needed to suck it up for a week.”
“Hard pass.”
“I would have to spend the week in my room other than the ceremony.”
“I can blow a few grand on Lego and have a better time than that.”
“So I’m just not going.”
“My sister and my parents are upset that I’m choosing my mental health over her wedding.”
“They did not say that.”
“It is just how I feel about the situation.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. SAY EXACTLY THAT!!”
“Plus; she’s allowed to have a destination wedding. Guests are allowed to not go because of that.”
“Guests are also allowed to not go because of the hotel, or the food, the drink, the dress, the guest list because they have rectal glaucoma (don’t see their a** going).”
“Guests are allowed not to go, period.”
“Your mental health is above all else.”
“This assumes you are paying for the alternate resort yourself, which I did assume (shame on me, I try not to do that) because you mentioned blowing the money on something else.” ~ RoxasofsorrowXIII
“Just because she wants you to stay at the resort to save money doesn’t mean you have to stay.”
“If you want to go, protect your mental health and stay at the other hotel.”
“You’re paying for it.”
“Guests with kids will make up for your loss.” ~ dhbroo12
“Agree. NTA. If you make people have to spend a week at a particular (probably expensive) resort to attend your wedding, that’s absolutely your choice, but don’t get upset if people opt out.” ~ Cohomology-is-fun
“Your sister is the a**hole because she expects you to do things her way because it’s saving her money, not taking your situation into account.”
“If she wasn’t the a**hole then she would’ve been happy that you’re coming to her wedding regardless of what resort you stay in.”
“You stood your ground and that is honorable.”
“Her greed ruined it. Don’t let her gaslight you into thinking you’re the a**hole, because you aren’t.”
“Cheers! F**k those kids.” ~ Ill_Weird_4939
“Yes! Wish more people called out this destination wedding BS.”
“Guests spend thousands, and if the couple has enough guests, the couple’s accommodations or even weddings can be free. NTA.” ~ Ok_Stable7501
“Exactly. A destination wedding is not a pass to control people’s lives, choices, and finances.”
“Guests are already paying extra money to attend – it is unreasonable for the bride and groom to then demand that they stay at a given property so they can save money or control what their guests do with the rest of their time.”
“For a destination wedding to be worth it for many guests, it needs to double as a vacation.”
“The bride and groom get a few hours for their I-do’s, and then everyone goes about enjoying their trip. The end.” ~ Electrical-Date-3951
“OP is talking about several days to a week.”
“Not six hours at an amusement park, half an hour in a grocery store, or two hours in a restaurant.”
“Or a plane.”
“But have you really never heard the vast quantity of b**ching from someone stuck near an unhappy toddler/baby that is not theirs on a plane?”
“Plus paying Thousands of dollars for it.”
“I don’t like being around any kind of loud shrieky people – so no, I do not go to amusement parks or concerts crowded public beaches.”
“There’s a Whole Lot of other fun activities to do.”
“Kids are OK in limited doses if I can hand them off to a caregiver as needed.”
“If I spend a couple thousand dollars to go somewhere it’s going to include plenty of relaxing and fun things for me, not crowds of people or kids.”
“Attending the wedding and reception is the point of a wedding.”
“Not spending five days within 500 feet of the other attendees at all times.”
“I have most definitely spent money to stay nearby but not With extended family for events like this.”
“It’s so much easier to just leave and do your own thing as needed for your own stress level when they can’t walk down the hall and dump their own kids on you for ‘just a minute so we can go have a drink.'” ~ Meghanshadow
“Agree. I would also rather not be around kids for a week even though I LIKE kids, I want my own kids, I love my nephews and nieces.”
“But they can be too much sometimes, especially when kids meet kids.”
“If I can afford it, I would not spend a whole week surrounded by a bunch of little kids and the noise that comes with them.”
“I get stressed out, my face becomes hot, and I get kinda very short-tempered if I stay with kids for too long.”
“I need quiet after some time. I also don’t like loud grownups.”
“My family can be very loud when we meet up.”
“I become an annoying company to them if I can’t stand up and go away from them to a quiet place.”
“My battery dies down pretty fast. So NTA.” ~ Professional-Duck469
“People have their own tolerance for everything.”
“This is for a week, and OP had tried everything to stay at this wedding.”
“If you see a person saying ‘Oh I don’t want to deal with kids, I’ll just pay for my own hotel’ as selfish, then you’re delusional.”
“Selfish would be ‘Hey, so I can’t deal with children, could you PAY for my hotel stay at this place instead?'”
“That’s selfish because he’s not using his own money and expects his sister to pay.”
“He said he was paying for himself to go to a different hotel. I think that’s fine.”
“Why shouldn’t he express his freedom.”
“The only problem the sister has is that she needs that sweet, succulent, DISCOUNT from him, and that is the selfish act here.”
“Sounds like she wanted a certain thing but didn’t have enough money, so she expects everyone else to chip in by proxy of discount numbers.”
“If you say everyone sucks here, then I can see that, but I would say only the sister is the a**hole.”
“Kids can be d**ks. They aren’t perfect angels.”
“Doesn’t make them bad, just that certain kids will deplete your tolerance levels way more.” ~ Spikezilla1
“ESH. Hating kids doesn’t make a person special, or unique, or mature.”
“It just makes them a boring, regular, everyday, selfish a-hole.”
“‘Choosing my mental health’ just stop it.”
“Get over yourself.”
“Your sister is also an a**hole for requiring you to stay at this specific resort.”
“You’re invited to the wedding and the reception.”
“You’re paying for everything else that you do and use for the week.”
“And that’s really all there is to it.”
“If you’re paying, then you’re choosing.” ~ Scr0tat0
“A family-friendly resort means loud people in the hallway all hours.”
“I’ve stayed in family-friendly resorts, and I’ve stayed in super busy casino hotels.”
“My stays at the casino with all the drunks were always way more quiet than the family-friendly hotels.”
“It’s always kids running down the hallways at all hours, throwing toys against the walls, slamming drawers.”
“Most of those places don’t give a sh*t if you call and complain. They never enforce quiet hours if they even have them.”
“I could go on and on.”
“It is not about hating kids.” ~ angrywords
“NTA. She’s asking you to spend a considerable sum of money to attend her destination wedding, and she wants you to do it in a way that makes you uncomfortable because that gets her a discount.”
“If her destination wedding is too expensive, there’s a very easy solution to that.” ~ IntrovertedBookMan
“NTA – if you’re going to spend all the money to go to the Dominican Republic for a week, you should be allowed to choose where you’re staying.”
“Your sister can either have you at the wedding where you stay at the other resort.”
“Or you can stay home and keep your sanity and save a ton of money.” ~ Oscars_Grouch
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You offered a possible alternate solution.
You make everyone happy.
You get to choose your own peace of mind, especially when you’re spending tons of cash.