We talk about some heavy topics here sometimes.
Gender norms, boundaries, and even weddings.
I promise not to make this one about something heavy.
Rather, it's about balls.
What happens when your repeated warnings are ignored and in doing so, karma hits the offender in the, literal, nuts?
Is it wrong to laugh?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Pitiful_Finish_6110 when she came to the Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
"AITA for laughing at my boyfriend during an 'I f*cking told you so' moment?"
Introductions.
"My boyfriend has a good job and has no problem spending money on stuff that matters to him."
"Other stuff? Not so much."
"I have my own place and we alternate where we spend the night when we see each other."
"He has a sh*tty mattress."
"It has one spring that has snapped me in the back of the legs a few times."
"I told him he needed to replace it because it was busted. He kept saying that he would but he never did."
"I was in the shower yesterday and I heard him scream."
"I rinsed off and went to see if he was okay."
Aw, Nuts.
"The spring caught him in the nuts."
"I couldn't help it. I giggled. It was sort of funny."
"He thinks I'm an a**hole for laughing at his 'suffering.' I told him that he didn't care that much when it was my legs getting it."
OP was left to wonder,
"AITA?"
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
The proper motivation.
"NTA"
"Whatever motivates him to buy a new mattress, right?" ~ Thediciplematt
"Yeah, but like… only his pain is enough to motivate him, and he doesn't care if she's the one getting hurt?"
"If he wasn't going to fix the problem, why didn't he at least take the broken side instead of being ok with his sh*t hurting her?"
"He should get a new mattress, and she should refuse to sleep on it anyway because she's found somebody who actually cares enough to not want to be responsible for repeatedly injuring her." ~ rarelybarelybipolar
"NTA maybe it'll motivate him to change the mattress 🤔" ~ burnt-sausages-lol
"The spring incident was his mattress giving him a motivating kick in the nuts."
"A mattress that old would be a dust mite metropolis, absolutely filthy."
"Look up some pictures of dust mites and why they are bad. Get a washable mattress cover as well and wash it periodically." ~ Ripsad53
If it's funny, you laugh.
"NTA."
"This is hilarious and if it were me and my partner, he'd be on the floor really playing up how much he is writhing in pain but also laughing is a*s off."
"And oh the jokes at his expense I would make! Our dog is also a huge fan of 'lets use daddy's crotch as a springboard for ball' game."
"Your BF is probably acting out of a hurt ego more than anything."
"It's less about him getting his bells rung by the bed and more about how he had to deal with the consequences of his own actions (or lack thereof), and it probably hurt his ego a bit when you laughed."
"Hopefully he'll come around, see the humor, and spring for a new mattress. *pun intended*" ~ Foodandtheatrenerd
"NTA."
"I would have laughed if I were either one in this situation. It's funny." ~ linkydinks
"NTA."
"Dudes getting hit in the nuts is funny"
"(For clarity, Im a dude. I've been hit in the nuts before. Everyone laughed. I joined in. After I finished vomiting)" ~ content222222
A word from our community.
"NTA."
"My brother didn't want to replace a cracked toilet seat some 20+ years ago."
"After sitting down a bit too far forward one day, he started screaming rather than scooting back."
"His then GF, now wife had to rescue him. Seems the sack of kiwis hurts like heck when you hang it in a pinch of a split toilet seat."
"Doubt he'll ever live it down. He got toilet seats for Christmas for years from nearly the whole family. Still gets the odd oval gift now and then"
"Guess who swallowed his pride and replaced the seat that very day"
"As a fellow human of the male variety, such throne seats don't get worn out in my house."
"Learn from an idiot's mistake, and you can be an idiot on something else fir the next human to learn from. Still wish I could read the write-up from the ER back then." ~ lemmietaste
"Girl, my girlfriend told me the same thing. I had a hand-me-down full-sized mattress FOR YEARS, until I started making big kid money and splurged on a nice bed after months of her hounding me."
"I love my new mattress. It was expensive as hell but well worth it."
"Purple mattress is chefs kiss" ~ jhofsho1
"NTA."
"I dated a guy and we played that hand slapping game where one person's hands are on top and the other person's on bottom, and the bottom person tries to slap the top person's hands."
"BF kept making fun of me for losing. When it was my turn to slap, he pulled back quickly and hit himself in the crotch. I laughed. So if you're TA, so am I." ~ Gerbille
"NTA, my husband once ate a spicy... spicy pepper, then scratched his balls. Queue him SCREAMING at me from the shower that he needs milk and I need to go to the store and get milk."
"I was IN TEARS going to the store from laughing so hard and we laugh about it every time it comes up. Sh*t happens and it's funny lol" ~ Chikei_Star
No villains here.
"INFO: Was he actively bleeding still when you got there? How badly were you scraped?"
"It's one thing to kinda lightly scrape your leg or arm lightly a few times on a rough edge, and another completely to have something pierce one of the most sensitive parts of your body."
"Men generally get a panic reaction when anything goes wrong 'down there'.
"(I know my first thought when recovering from the pain is 'Oh, God, I hope I can still have kids').
"So your BF was in distress when you were laughing, which isn't exactly the same as 'Oh, it scraped my foot a little.'"
"I'm kinda leaning towards NAH here-"
"He's not an AH for not replacing the mattress or calling you an AH (more lazy, tbh), since he was probably still panicking and coming off his meltdown."
"Laughing is kinda an AH move, karma or not, but it's so innocuous and nobody's really harmed by a chuckle at such an absurd incident, so it's not even deserving of a YTA rating."
"(Like, I'd consider myself an AH in that moment if I were you, but very lightly so)."
"I'd change my opinion if either he was seriously injured and bleeding when you got there (then YTA) or if you yourself were seriously injured."
"(Like, I dunno, it drew blood and you needed a Band-aid) by the spring in the past (then NTA)." ~ ScarletCarbuncle
"NAH. Funny as hell but I'd be mad too if I was laughed at right after getting hit in the nuts. Totally deserved to get laughed at though lol" ~ Background_Duck2932
"Nah."
"NTA."
"If he needed to go to the hospital or something, that may be different."
"Even then though it reminds me of a similar situation where I was your boyfriend in the situation."
"Heavy vintage sewing machine was on the floor in the living room because I hadn't put it away."
"My husband kept tripping on it and (reasonably) asked me to move it."
"My response: "I manage to not trip on it. Just be more careful." Like 2 days later I BROKE my toe on it."
"He actually didn't laugh but honestly I wouldn't be mad if he did. It's just a toe and I was the a**hole in that." ~ lc504503
"NAH."
"He should have replaced the mattress sooner. But when you're in pain, it's not a great feeling to be laughed at."
"Say something sympathetic is a good next step IMO. But also suggest that when he says he will do something, he should follow through."
"Or if he doesn't mean to follow through, it would be better if he just said 'no' or 'I won't do that'". ~ lesslucid
Some weren't in OP's camp... but it was still funny.
"ESH"
"I mean, mostly NTA, but also YTA."
"NTA obvs because you warned him, he fu**ed around and found out in the meanest way possible. Also because guys getting in the nuts will pretty much always be funny."
"But also YTA because it probably really hurt. Plus, you know what it feels like getting whacked with the spring - did he ever laugh at you?" ~ personholecover12
"YTA, but when it's something funny like that just take the a**hole card, and tell EVERYONE!!" ~ iadoresloth1
Replace your mattress.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.