They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, which is usually proven in everyday interactions with the average person on the street.
Reddit user ThrowRa-199212 found themself up against both their wife’s medical condition and someone’s (in this case their sister’s) “good intentions.”
After recently standing up to their sister’s actions concerning some photo editing, the Redditor wanted to get some validation on their choice, so they went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback.
“AITA for refusing to pay for a photo that my sister took professionally?”
Our original poster, or OP, set up their wife’s struggle with her weight.
“I’ve been with Sarah for 7 years and in that time she’s gone through some extreme fluctuations in weight.”
“Sarah was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes Dec 2019, before the diagnosis she was very skinny and I know she still worries about the weight she’s put on since getting her condition medicated, we’ve also had a child since her diagnosis which is adding to her stress about her weight.”
“It’s been a very emotional time. We’re dieting but Sarah is a compulsive eater, I’m not sure if all this information is necessary but I thought information would be helpful.”
OP’s sister, who is aware of this, was hired by OP to take photos of the family.
“My sister is aware of Sarah’s problems when it comes to food/body image.”
“We wanted to take some proper family photos of us and our son and whilst we were going to hire someone else my mother nagged us into hiring my sister, she did go to college for photography and does it as a side gig so we did agree to hiring her.”
“She took some nice photos and we told her we’d pay half and then pay half upon receiving the photos.”
But the editing job was really out of whack.
“I received the photos and the first thing I noticed was the editing, it wasn’t a little touch up here and there but rather quite a bit.”
“My wife is by no means overweight and so what if she was? My wife’s body weight doesn’t concern my sister, if I had hired another professional they wouldn’t have cared about my wife’s weight?”
“It’s unprofessional and quite frankly a sh*t thing to do to family in my opinion especially when you go in aware of the issues.”
And OP refused to pay.
“I outright refused to pay, I’m not paying for photos and getting them framed knowing my wife will use them as something to shame herself for.”
“This is causing conflict in my family because my sister has a certain ‘aesthetic’ she likes to stick to on her website.”
“My mother has told me she feels guilty and wasn’t thinking, she’s only 20 and very naive, she needs the money for travel to get to university and back.”
“Sister has offered to send over the unedited versions for a discounted price but honestly I’d rather pay another photographer that isn’t ashamed of my wife’s body.”
OP now wants to know if he made the right choice.
“I can’t even tell you the amount of texts from family I’m getting because I’m an a**hole in their eyes because my sister feels bad and as I said she needs the money.
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Reddit agreed OP made a strong choice, but an understandable one.
“NTA and thank you for being an awesome advocate for your wife.”
“Your sister needs to learn this lesson, full stop. She’s in an industry that her opinions don’t matter, the clients do.”
“If she were being professional about this situation, she’d offer to rectify it free of charge.”
“There is nothing wrong with a little retouching of photographs, but changing them so much that they don’t really look like the people in the pic or changing people’s bodies is a definite no no.”
“She’s not a high fashion mag photographer. That kind of retouching has no place in family photos.”
“Now if someone came to her and said that’s what they were looking for, then that’s another story.”
“But most people don’t want their images to do anything but reflect the happiness of them and their families, with light correction and very small editing.”~Unlikely-Draft
“I’m a graphic designer, almost 5 years into my career. Part of my job is editing photos on a regular basis. I recommend telling her what I am going to tell you.”
“My personal rule is that I will never fix something that couldn’t be fixed in real life within 5-10 minutes, or that wouldn’t be there within a week.”
“Got a nasty zit on your business headshot? Food stain on your collar? Lighting messing with the color of your skin/hair/clothes? Strand of hair out of place? I can help with that!”
“But I will never make someone lose/gain weight, give straight white teeth to someone that doesn’t have pearly whites, remove a mole or birthmark, or anything else that is not temporary.”
“These things help give people character, and I respect everyone’s individuality too much to ever change these things about them.”
“You’re NTA, but given she is still green in her career, don’t be too hard on her.”
“This is something that you learn though professional training and time on the job, and at this stage she wouldn’t have much of either. Hopefully she remembers this hard lesson though.”~Firelily5550
“No professional photographer ever changes a person’s body. They fix little things like blemishes, shadows, hairs out of place, red eyes, etc. Sister doesn’t get to decide that her photos must meet a certain aesthetic.”