We each have our passions, and it’s a real bummer when the people who should support us the most are actually the ones to try to bring us down.
One guy ran into this with his family, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor refusetobake loved baking, despite being a “guy,” and received negative feedback from some people he loved.
But after he tried to stand up for himself, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he had gone too far.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to bake a cake for my sister and BIL (brother-in-law)?”
The OP’s family didn’t see eye-to-eye with him about his baking.
“I’m a guy and baking has always been my passion. It’s something me and my mom used to do a lot growing up before she passed.”
“My sister wasn’t as into it as I was and she liked it even less after mom passed away, but I continued learning.”
“I’m not a professional but I work part-time at a pastry shop while I finish college.”
“It’s something I’m teased about by my family sometimes but I ignore them.”
“My sister started dating her husband a few years back and he joined the teasing too. I don’t like him in general because he is kind of a dick and likes to make fun of me even more than my family.”
The OP enjoyed making cakes for his niece.
“They’re married now and have my niece who’s 5.”
“For the last couple years, my sister has asked me to bake birthday cakes for my niece. Which I don’t mind doing because I love my niece and she’s a fair critic when it comes to judging how good my cakes are, lol (laughing out loud).”
His feelings about baking the couple a cake was a different story, however.
“They’re gonna be celebrating their wedding anniversary soon and she asked me if I can bake a special cake for them.”
“But I told her no, because they both still make fun of me just because I enjoy baking.”
“My niece, it’s a different story because she’s a kid, and this doesn’t involve her.”
“But I have more respect for myself than to make a cake for two people who like to tease me about doing something as ‘girly’ and emasculating as baking in the kitchen. Something I told her even she sucks at.”
The family started pushing back against the OP’s decision.
“So they’re both giving me s**t over that because they really want to make this a special anniversary, money is tight because of their financial troubles, and they wanted this one day to be perfect.”
“My dad says I’m being too petty over this and it’s going to ruin the day for my sister and BIL after the year they’ve had.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the couple didn’t deserve a cake just because they’re “family.”
“NTA Doesn’t matter that they are family. You have a right to decide what you do and don’t wanna do. Plain and simple. They shouldn’t be rude to someone they ask favors from.” – Honest-Minute-1010
“Yeah, you really don’t get to mercilessly mock someone’s hobby and then still expect to benefit from it. That’s not how that works.”
“NTA” – Kathrynlena
“Betting OP has done dozens of free cakes for sister, BIL rest of family, no one thinking it costs money for ingredients. Or OP’s time.”
“Besides a ‘thanks,’ which I hope you got, did they ever offer to reimburse you or give you a special gift once in a while as thanks? Think no.”
“On top of this, the adults demean you for your skills. One joke about OP baking is enough, continuing it is pointedly toxic.”
“NTA. They need to give OP an apology for all of the past demeaning and a promise to stop it. That’s their anniversary gift to OP, yours to them???” – sailingisgreat
Others applauded the OP for still taking care of his niece.
“Can I just add how great, that he still bakes cakes for his niece, because she isn’t part of her parents’ bulls**t?”
“OP, you are a great guy and don’t let those a**holes manipulate you into making them a cake after all those ‘jokes.'” – Accomplished_Care960
“NTA. They are unsupportive and rude so they don’t deserve to benefit from your skills. Hats off to you for not refusing to bake for your niece by association.” – Dont-trust-it
“They don’t get to talk s**t and be a**holes, then turn around and expect you to do a nice thing for them. They should be glad you do any baking for them or their family at all because there are many who wouldn’t even bake for the niece.”
“One does not get to make fun of the baker and eat his cake too.” – kissxsleep
A few pointed out baking is hardly a “feminine” activity.
“I recall seeing these boxes in the grocery store with pictures of cake on them – if I remember right, you mix the stuff in the boxes with oil, water, and eggs, pour it in a pan, and put it in the oven, and voila! Maybe the sis and Bil can follow some directions and make their own cake.”
“Oh, wait! She can’t because she doesn’t like to bake, and Bil can’t because real men can’t bake! /smh. NTA” – Xethrael
“Why is it ‘girly’ when he does it for other people, but when they need something baked, it’s fine?” – Easy-Kaleidoscope-9
It’s terrible that the OP isn’t receiving support from his family for something he loves doing, and the subReddit agreed, he shouldn’t cater to them when they suddenly “need” him.
Maybe after a healthy dose of respect and apology is in place, there could be a recipe for success in this family.