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Pregnant Woman Called Out For Refusing To Name Daughter After Boyfriend’s Deceased Sister


What is in a name?

Seriously. At this point so many people are changing their names once they’re old enough.

It can feel more like a placeholder than an identity.

But there can be situations when the name search is a bit dramatic.

Case in point…

Redditor cubertuber78 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for saying I will not name my daughter after her father’s deceased sibling?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (26 F[emale]) have been dating my BF (24 M[ale]) for 8 months.”

“I am 6 months pregnant with his baby – a total accident that we are trying to take in stride.”

“It all has gone really well so far.”

“We recently found out that we’re having a girl and have started to discuss baby names.”

“For context, both of us lost siblings at a young age.”

“I lost two of my brothers, Michael and Charlie, when I was a teenager, and he lost his sister, Angela, when he was eleven.”

“I was very close with Michael and he was very close with his sister.’

“My boyfriend suggested the name Michaela Angela and I told him that I didn’t like the flow of it, so he recommended Angela Michaela.”

“I had to be honest with him and told him that I really do not want to name our daughter after my deceased brothers.”

“Their deaths were very traumatic to me and I don’t want the daily reminder like that.”

“My boyfriend said that was okay but that he really wanted to include Angela’s name and I said that wasn’t something I was comfortable with.”

“To me, that’s just never something I want to do.”

“It feels too charged, puts too much pressure on her – I want her to be totally unique and totally her, nobody else.”

“And I don’t want her to be a living memorial to someone she never met.”

“My boyfriend was put out by it but we dropped the conversation.”

“A few days ago, he brought it up again, asking what I thought of the name Angelica, since it’s only inspired by his sister, not her actual name.”

“I said again, that isn’t something I want to do.”

“He said this was very important to him and he did not want to budge.”

“I said OK great me neither.”

“His mother has called and is distraught that I will not consider naming our daughter after her’s.”

“She feels it would bring a lot of closure to their family.”

“But I said I am the baby’s mother and don’t want to call my daughter something I don’t stand by.”

“My boyfriend’s mother said that the birth certificate can say Angela.”

“But I can call her by another name.”

“I said no, that’s too much to put on a little girl.”

“My boyfriend has been sulky about it and has said he thinks I am being very unfair, especially after I struck down his mother.”

“Am I being unreasonable?”

“I think I might be pushing too hard against it but I felt very strongly about this.”

“AITA for saying I will not name my daughter after her father’s deceased sibling?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA, you both need to agree on the name.”

“If either says no, the name isn’t used.”

“His mother got to name her children, you get to name yours.”

“I’d also not discuss names with her any further.”

“Put the topic off limits.”  ~ Acrobatic-Track3750

“Saw it in a comment on another similar post, but OP you should remind your boyfriend and his mummy that your baby is a unique new person coming into the world, not a memorial for someone else.”

“They can still tell the child all about Angela when she grows up (without turning it into a s**t-eating ‘and your mom wouldn’t let us name you after her, so mean’).”

“But the kid shouldn’t bear the responsibility of giving closure.”

“That’s for them and their therapists to work out.”  ~ bigmacstermind

“I see where people are coming from with the memorial names.”

“But I’ve always been a little uncomfortable with making someone’s name (a part of their identity) so already tied into grief for someone else, who they never even knew.”

“Especially in this situation, where the M[other] I[n] L[aw] said it’ll bring closure to the family.”

“That’s so much pressure to put on a kid and not baggage they should be born with.”  ~ flyingcactus2047

“NTA. And also talk to your hospital and let them know no one can fill the birth certificate if you are not present.”

“I’m sure they will try to be sneaky.”  ~ Broad_Internal6467

“There’s a big difference between naming a child in honor of someone and naming a child as a replacement for someone.”

“I guarantee the whole family would call daughter Angela if the name was remotely included.”

“OPs daughter deserves to have her own identity, not be used as a surrogate for someone else’s.”  ~ Agreeable-Tale9729

“In my family we just do it to honor them and in no way do it to bring closure.”

“Heck some of the people are still alive that they are named after.”

“The best example is that every female names their first born daughter with a part of their name like my middle is my Mom’s first name on her birth certificate.”

“She legally changed her name to her middle name when she got married.”

“And my sister is also named after both our grandmothers.”  ~ Flossy1384

“Errr no and I don’t get this.”


“The name of the child should be something both of you parents agreed upon.”

“Regardless of the background of the suggested name, if one of you doesn’t like it then it gets scratched out of the list.”

“Simple as that.” ~ Bibingka_Malagkit

“I’m pregnant with a boy.”

“He’s being named after his two grandfathers and will also have the middle name of my husband’s best friend, who passed away on our wedding day.”

“Three men we both love, still, even though one of them is gone.”

“We didn’t do it for closure.”

“I’ve named my children things that sound great, that I like, and that mean something to me.”

“Closure doesn’t exist, not for something like this.”  ~ Whiteroses7252012

“Yeah I feel like naming a baby after someone who died tragically especially another child puts undue pressure and ties on them.”

“It may not work out how the husband hopes at all.”

“People might make too many comparisons or have moments of actually becoming upset at the reminder.”

“I don’t know I just wouldn’t choose to do it.”

“Plus names are always 2 yeses you said no that’s it. NTA.”  ~ BedazzlevaJazzle

“NTA… stand your ground with the MIL.”

“Or you will have interference in your relationship.”

“However, I do understand BFs POV.”

“Perhaps there’s a middle ground?”

“His sister’s favorite singer was Beyonce or ?? … or her favorite flower was Rose or ?? … her favourite store was Zara or??”

“You could use one of those and so it’s a link but not an in your face one.”

“Comparisons are going to be made as to how similar or different your daughter will be to his sister regardless of what you do.”  ~ gottahavemysay

“You are not having a baby to bring closure to folks about the death of a family member.”

“Your daughter will be her own person and have her own story – it doesn’t need to include someone else’s.”

“NTA. But you and your boyfriend will need to figure this out.”

“But instead of making it about the deceased – make it about your daughter and her future.”  ~ Lildiar

“NTA – You and the the father have to agree on a name.”

“It needs to be a 50/50 decision.”

“But in my opinion if either side refuses to compromise they lose their vote.”  ~ Felzlek

“I mostly agree with you except with his mother.”

“If he put her up to calling the op and trying to talk and guilt her into it, then he’s an AH.”

“He’s also an ah for not telling his mother that despite his and op’s name drama his mother has no place in this decision.”  ~ brerosie33

“NAH. Yeah, as someone named after a relative who was very important to my family, it is not that deep.”

“Obviously, it’s your kid and it’s a two yes, one no situation.”

“Just saying, your concern about being named after someone being a noticeable burden is a little unrealistic.”  ~ DerpDevilDD

“NTA. You can see that they’re already putting pressure on this baby.”

“‘She’ll give the family closure.'”

“How? She’s a baby.”

“Her having a dead persons name isn’t continuing on her life.”

“She’s a person all of her own.”

“I might give into having Angelica as a middle name.”

“But on the understanding that that isn’t her name and nobody is to call her that.”  ~ MemesRmylovelanguage

Well, OP reddit understands your issues with this situation.

Hopefully everyone can come around in agreement before you give birth.

Good luck and Congratulations!