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Teen Called ‘Selfish’ For Refusing To Use Her Inheritance To Pay For Brother-In-Law’s Surgery

teen girl folding arms
Oliver Rossi/Getty Images

Money can be very dangerous when placed in the wrong hands.

Pretty much everyone in the world loves to spend money, but far too few people know how to spend money wisely.

Indeed, if one were to survey the lucky few who’ve won the lottery tend to find themselves in financial distress in no time, owing to the fact that they make impulsive purchases which they find out they are unable to sustain.

Making them regret all the more that they didn’t set any of the money aside.

Redditor Home-Time-6077 and her sister both came into some money owing to some unfortunate circumstances.

While the original poster (OP) decided to set it aside and put it to good use, her sister was somewhat less practical about how she’d use it.

This left her in need of money for a very important purpose, but when she turned to the OP to help, the OP politely refused.

After being called selfish by her sister for her decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for refusing to pay for my sister’s husband’s surgery with my inheritance/college money?”

The OP explained why she decided to say no to her sister when she turned to her for financial assistance.

“My sister (27 F[emale]) and I (18 F) lost our dad a year ago.”

“He was my only parent, mom was never in mine or my sister’s life.”

“Dad left money (inheritance) for me and sister and she used her inheritance to get new cars and renovate her house I live with my aunt right now cause my brother-in-law didn’t let me stay with my sister.”

“I’m planning on using my inheritance money to pay for college tuition.”

“I’ve always wanted to be doctor but haven’t decided which branch yet.”

“My sister & I haven’t been close, it started after she got married to her chronically ill husband who was allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his illness and make a scene at his funeral, only because he’s ill and shouldn’t be held accountable for his behavior.”

“I’ve distanced myself But my sister kept visiting a lot lately venting about my brother-in-law’s condition.”

“He’s been in & out the hospital for heart problems and in need for a surgery.”

“She brought up my inheritance money several times but I end up cutting the conversation.”

“She then straight up asked if I could help pay for her husband’s surgery and she’d pay back in less than a year.”

“I felt uneasy cause if I give her money from my inheritance which is a large amount then there’s no guarantee she’ll pay back before It’s time to apply for college.”

“I’m taking a year gap but I know my sister can’t pay back that much and I felt I was risking my future.”

“I refused to help and she had a melt down at my aunt’s house calling me heartless, cruel with no empathy.”

“She said that her husband’s health should be a priority and I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone’s health and asked if I’d be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father.”

“My aunt suggested other’s pay but most of them cut my sister and her husband off.”

“I argued that her husband’s poor health isn’t my fault after she kept blaming and guilt tripping me.”

“She kept crying and although my aunt decided to stay out of it she said that I should be prepared for permanent damage in my relationship with my sister if I don’t help her now.”

“She’s been sending texts and pictures of her family telling me this is what I was saying no to, a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father.”

“I cried and felt like I was being selfish not good aunt and sister.”

“I asked my friend and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I’ll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to lend her sister her inheritance to pay for her brother-in-law’s surgery.

Everyone agreed that the OP was under no obligation to give her sister and brother-in-law her money, particularly in light of the way he’d treated her in the past, with many others pointing out how the OP’s sister should have thought more carefully how she spent her money.

“No one has mentioned that your BIL would not let you stay with them when your dad died, but he’s perfectly happy letting you take care of his family while you stay at the Aunt’s house?”

“Please don’t give these people any money!”

“The man has been sick for some time, they should not have wasted the money your dad gifted them despite BIL being trash to dad!”

“Just because they’re family does not mean you have to have a relationship with your sister.”

“Go be a doctor, save many more lives than this one.”

“You’ve got this!”

“Good luck!”- Paindonthurt74

“Of course you aren’t the ahole.”

“First your sister and her husband should sell their luxurious items and if that is not enough can ask for help.”- Dimirosch


“Your sister chose to spend money she got less than a year ago on expensive things instead of planning for the future like you did.”

“Easy come, easy go as they say.”

“Do NOT give them a penny of your money.”

“They have options they don’t want to take and that’s not on you.”

“You’re not getting that money back if you lend it.”

“You’ll become a fine doctor some day, I’m rooting for you!”- CuriousTsukihime


“Your sister is manipulating you.”

“She received the same money you did.”

“If her husband is chronically ill than they should have saved that money for his care instead of spending it on luxury items.”

“She probably always planned to spend her money and yours.”

“Will refusing to give her the money damage your relationship with her?”


“But do you really want to give up your future to preserve the relationship you have with her now?”

“Because it sounds like a terrible one.”

“And don’t think that giving her this money with improve the relationship at all.”-Forward_Squirrel8879


“He wouldn’t even let you stay in the house with them, but expects you to put your whole future on hold for his surgery?”

“Dang.”- agarrabrant


“‘Education is nothing compares to someone’s health’.”

“She just admitted that she has no intention to pay you back.”- faynfayn

“NTA Your friend is right.”

“She can sell those cars or her house to get the money.”

“She’s wrong to try to guilt trip you into paying for her husband’s surgery.”

“She knew her husband was in ill health and still decided to spend her inheritance on house renovations and junk?”

“And you’re supposed to threw away your future for a guy who won’t even let you stay at their house?”

“Don’t do it.”

“But your aunt is right.”

“This is going to ruin whatever existing relationship you have with your sister.”

“But I wouldn’t want a relationship with someone who’s so manipulative.”- Majestic-Meringue-40


“Never lend money, especially large sums, to friends or family.”

“You’ll likely never get it back.”

“It’s not worth the headache.”

“If someone is needs money and you’re okay just gift it.”- hogwhistle07

“You’re friend is correct.”

“You’ll never get the money back because sis isn’t willing to give up her luxurious lifestyle.”

“She chose how to spend her inheritance, didn’t save for a rainy day and isn’t entitled to yours because of her poor financial planning.”

“NTA.”- cashycallow


“He had no respect for your father.”

“Making scenes is not something that you do, even at your enemies funeral.”

“She had her money.”

“She blew it.”

“It’s YOUR education, not hers.”

“Your BIL is a complete stranger to you, you have no blood relation, I assume, and therefore no obligation.”

“She’s being selfish and entitled.”

“If she had done none of the above and you refused then you’d be TA.”

“But after all this, she absolutely does not deserve a cent, please don’t sacrifice your education.”- 

“She should have no problem getting a loan from a bank.”

“After all this if you do end up giving her money, make her sell all her cars and collect collateral if possible.”- Speedypanda4

When you unexpectedly come into a large sum of money, it’s easy to let your imagination run wild with all the many things you can spend it on.

But before you spend one dime, it’s always important to stop and think about what you need, not simply what you want.

Something the OP’s sister will likely always remember from now on.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.