It’s rare to go through life without working alongside one colleague or coworker that we don’t miss seeing outside of work hours.
Which is fine, in the grand scheme of things, as there are no rules dictating that colleagues need to be friends.
That being said, there are times that we will need to encounter these colleagues outside of the office.
And the way we behave towards them will have a way of becoming water cooler talk.
Redditor Flatworm_Happy had one of those very colleagues.
A colleague that the original poster (OP) felt judged each and every move of everyone.
As a result when this colleague paid a recent visit to the OP’s home, the OP was in a less than hospitable mood.
Having doubts about how they handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not allowing a coworker to come in and use my bathroom?”
The OP explained why the denied entry to this colleague:
“I was giving a coworker some furniture and a few people from work can to pick it up.”
“I put everything out it the driveway prior to them getting there and helped them load it up.”
“One of my coworkers asked the use my bathroom and I said ‘no’.”
“That specific coworker is especially judgmental and talks about everyone.”
“My house is somewhat of a fixer and there are things that I want to change that I do not like about the house.”
“I did not feel comfortable with her going in my house in fear of what she may say behind my back to anyone who would listen.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they mostly agreed that the OP was the not a**hole for refusing to allow their colleague to use their bathroom.
Some understood the OP not wanting to let her colleague in her home, even if they didn’t think they handled the situation as well as they could have:
“This is one case I would’ve used an excuse.”
“NTA, but you’re still gonna be gossiped about.”
“’Sorry, no, my partner/child/relative has food poisoning, they’ve been in there all day’.”
“’Sorry, no, I’m waiting on a plumber to fix it’.”
“Idk.”
“Something.”- sluttysprinklemuffin
“Yikes, this is a tough situation.”
“Do you really think you avoided the gossip machine?”
“Didn’t you just give this coworker fuel for office gossip by being so inhospitable?”
“You aren’t obligated to allow someone you don’t trust into your home, so I will go NTA.”
“It sounds like you didn’t invite this coworker into the situation especially, more that your good deed for a different coworker ultimately resulted in judgy coworker being at your home.”
“Just seems like it was a lose-lose situation.”
“It’s pretty sad that your work life is such that you have to worry about being talked about behind your back on the basis of your home being a fixer-upper.”- owls_and_cardinals
“NTA.”
“But they are definitely going to judge you now and tell everyone at the office/work site about this.”- ZombieBait2
“NTA.”
“You had it in the driveway.”
“It was ready for a quick pickup-and-go.”
“You made it obvious you didn’t want anyone in the house, yet she tried to manipulate her way past that.”- Zestyclose-Page-1507
“NTA.”
“If someone wants to be treated well, they shouldn’t talk shit about other people.”- ImAMorty777
“NTA.”
‘Your home is your safe space.”
“You’re not obligated to let anyone in, for any reason.”
“If the co-worker complains or gossips about you over it, then your point will have been made.”-Twofeathers2255
“NTA.”
“I have a relative who is like this and they have never seen the inside of my home.”
“Actions have consequences!”- LopsidedCauliflower8
“NTA.”
“I honestly wouldn’t put it past the judgmental coworker to have asked just to find something to talk about.”
“Whether you said ‘yes’ or ‘no’ she was going to find something to say.”
“At least with denying her access you can still control the narrative as to why if word ever got back to you about it, but nonetheless, it’s your house.”
“Even if it were fixed up and how you wanted, people can be nosy or gross without you knowing.”
“Your home is meant to be a safe and sacred place, that kind of energy is never wanted or welcome.”- UltimateLintLicker
“NTA.”
“Your house, your rules.”
“You don’t have to let an untrustworthy person into your home.”
“Ever.”- IamIrene
“NTA.”
“I don’t let people in my house.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my house.”
“Your reasons don’t matter, it’s your private place.”- 456name789
“NTA.”
“You most likely avoided having this person take photos of your home that would be included with their gossip.”
“Actions have consequences and when someone isn’t trustworthy, things like this happen.”- 1robotgirlfriend
“You maybe could have said it differently, but of course NTA.”
“They might find you standoffish now, though.”- amberinotm
“NTA.”
“It’s a coworker not a friend or family member they can stop by a diner or fast food place.”-FoncusedFistula
“NTA.”
“Your home, your rules.”
“You’re not obligated to let anyone in, especially someone you’re uncomfortable with.”
“If they gossip about you saying no, congratulations – they’ve just revealed how petty and judgmental they are.”
“That’s on them, not you, so let them.”
“Gossip only matters if you let it control your actions.”
“You’re protecting your space, which is far more important than avoiding someone else’s opinion.”
“Their chatter says more about them than it does about you, and it doesn’t change your right to set boundaries.”- Xoxo_GossipGirl_oxoX
“NTA.”
“A**holes can hold it.”- Suspicious_Juice717
“NTA.”
“I’m sure there are public restrooms where she is going.”- PoisonedSmoke420
“It’s your house and your rules.”
“NTA.”- JupiterSWarrior
“NTA.”
“You don’t have to let people in.”- t3hnosp0on
“NTA.”
“’No’ is a complete sentence.”- _-4twenty-_
“NTA.”
“There is nothing wrong with exercising your right to say ‘No’.”
“You were not mean in your response.”
“And frankly you don’t even have to tell US why you said no, It’s YOUR home.”
“Anyone else who says different is looking at it from a point of view of entitlement.”- rcar2807
Others, however, felt that the OP was being somewhat petty, and their refusal to let their colleague in would likely only worsen the situation at work:
“ESH IMO.”
“By trying to avoid one situation you don’t want to deal with, you surely have created a new one now.”
“‘Can you believe he/she didn’t even want me to use the bathroom when I really had to go?!'”
“She’ll definitely be talking about that one.”- Lolligagers
“Going against the grain with ESH.”
“She sucks because she’s a judgmental gossip.”
“And she’s going to gossip about how you wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom.”
“You suck because when you gotta go, you gotta go.”
“You could’ve just said ‘We’re working on renovating, so the house is kind of a mess’ or something similar.”- Rredhead926
“ESH.”
“I understand the sentiment of having a judgmental AH coming into my home, but if I was the coworker and I had to pee real bad, I would be pissed.”
“Unless you give a convincing excuse, you will only look bad refusing to let someone who came to your house use the bathroom.”
“You gave them ammo.”- LovemeSomeMedia
While some didn’t think there were any a**holes in this situation, feeling it wasn’t unreasonable for the OP’s colleague to ask to use the bathroom, nor was it unreasonable for the OP to say no.
“NAH.”
“A request was made and subsequently denied.”
“This is not a**hole merely life.”- pottersquash
While a select few felt that there was no justification for the OP to deny use of their bathroom to anyone who took time out of their day to come to their house:
“YTA.”
“Your house, your rules, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be an ahole for denying someone use of the bathroom.”
“You could have always said, ‘hey, it’s a fixer-upper, so don’t mind the look!’ if you were so worried.”
“I think the negative gossip you are going to get from not letting them use your bathroom is going to be worse.”
“They will probably also now speculate on why, which could lead to things like ‘it must be REALLY bad in there’ or things like that.”
“Is the house just old and needs some work, or is it dirty/messy/hoarder?”- AngeloPappas
“If you’re worried about them judging you harshly, how do you think they feel about you now?”
“YTA.”– jmgolden33
“YTA.”
“Your reasoning doesn’t even make sense.”
“You are definitely being judged for this.”- Long_Ad_2764
It’s understandable why the OP didn’t want to welcome this particular colleague into their home.
Even so, barring her from coming in wouldn’t change this colleague’s judgmental personality.
Even if the OP may have prevented this colleague from spreading judgmental gossip about their home throughout the office, the chances of their being talked about behind their back may very well have increased.