Food allergies can be an issue in relationships. Some people’s allergies are so severe that going out to dinner or making dinner is nearly impossible.
But it is a part of life.
So playing fast and loose with the menu is not smart.
Redditor Smart-Marionberry1 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not eating food made for me on a date because I’m picky?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24 F[emale]) am a single mum of an 8-year-old.”
“I was in a bad relationship as a teen, which led to my being pregnant.”
“I haven’t exactly dated since, maybe been out on a few dates.”
“My daughter has a condition called A[voidant]/R[estrictive] F[ood] I[ntake] D[isorder].”
“It means she has a very restricted diet, and it is very much connected to her A[utism] S[pectrum] D[isorder]. “
“I don’t force her to eat certain things that are her ‘unsafe foods.'”
“Since her diagnosis, I’ve been quite sure I might have it too, but I cook for us both and am self-sufficient, so it doesn’t bother me day to day enough to think about it.”
“Anyway, about a month ago, I went on a date, to which we went out to dinner, and it was amazing.”
‘He was so open to meeting my daughter in the future and being a family man.”
“I only do serious relationships, so yes, this is stuff that was discussed on the first date… LOL.”
“The second date was a week ago.”
“I went over to his place (not for anything weird, just to watch a movie).”
“He then made dinner.”
“Don’t get me wrong, it looked amazing, but I felt awful telling him I actually couldn’t eat it.”
“Usually if something is an unsafe food for me (such as melted cheese, vinegar) I’ll still choke it down to be polite and just vomit and cry later.”
“But he had put my one hard no in there. Mayo.”
“I hate it, but more importantly, I’m actually just allergic to eggs.”
“Pretty severely.”
“He knew this, as I told him on the first date.”
“He was cool with this on the date.”
“Once he gave me the food, I apologized so much, but I couldn’t eat it.”
“He replied with, ‘Once we get you past this mayo thing -my daughter’s name- can get over her crap too.’”
“I was pretty mad about that comment and snapped back that I’m not eating his gross food and to not talk about my daughter like that.”
“He apologized instantly, saying that’s not what he meant and that it was a stupidly rude joke.”
“I said I was sorry for calling his food gross; it actually looked really good.”
“We ordered some Maccas, and I went home soon after.’
“He seemed okay.”
“About an hour later, I texted him that I had a lot of fun and was sorry about the situation.”
“He said, ‘It’s fine, just didn’t have to be such a d**k about it.’”
“I was confused because I went home happy.”
“I apologized some more, and he brought it back up, saying it was gross and refusing to eat it was rude”
“He was completely ignoring the allergy part of it and saying, ‘You really need to get over this, Cass. It’s childish, and it’s not the way you raise a kid.’”
“Things like that.”
“I know being picky is annoying, but I don’t feel like I did anything too wrong.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He’s not the one.”
“Based on his attitude, what he said, and how he acted, he’s the type not to believe allergies are real.”
“Food will continue to be an issue with him.”
“He’s already proven he’s close-minded about legitimate disorders and food allergies and has been rude, condescending, and judgmental.”
“He won’t magically grow up and become a considerate and understanding partner.”
“Please don’t subject your child to his attitude.”
“He seems like the type to ‘forget’ your allergies and sneak ingredients in to ‘test’ you.”
“He’s not a safe person.” ~ Ok_Expression7723
“People who don’t take allergies seriously are actively the worst.”
“Also, to add, people who just ignore people’s preferences are also the worst!”
“There is nothing wrong with disliking certain foods!”
“I am basically a raccoon; I’ll eat literally anything except tripe (hate the texture).”
“If someone doesn’t like the food I like, I don’t try and force it on them.”
“I love olives and mushrooms – which are two highly debated foods.”
“When someone tells me they don’t like those foods, I will jokingly say ‘Wow, but you’re so amazing, so I guess it’s fine you don’t love the foods I love, but I figured you would because x y z is amazing like you are!'”
“Obviously they know I’m kidding, but either way, more for me, right!?”
“I just avoid those foods when eating with those people, or put them on the side if it’s a shared meal so I can have some and they don’t have to.”
“It’s literally the simplest thing in the world.”
“I will never understand trying to ‘cure’ people’s food intolerances or dislikes, never mind actual allergies.”
“What is wrong with this guy!?”
“OP, just dodge this bullet for good! NTA.” ~ beetleswing
“I’ll never forget the story about the woman whose mother wouldn’t believe her children were allergic to coconut.”
“Despite this, due to cultural traditions, she put coconut oil in the girl’s hair and left it in overnight, even though she had been told not to.”
“The poor child died.”
“Don’t put yourself in a situation where the same thing could happen to you. NTA.” ~ REDDIT
“Exactly! NTA, and run away from this dude, quickly, right away, and far away!!” ~ ResistAdditional8984
“NTA. Please don’t see him again.”
“He intentionally made your food you couldn’t eat. He tried to override your parenting of your child.”
“This was the second date. he is being incredibly controlling, he’s overstepping, and he’s being cruel to you already.”
“What do you think a fourth date would look like? a Fifth?”
“Please protect yourself and your child.” ~ dryadduinath
“NTA. He’s showing you all the red flags.”
“You said that you were in a bad relationship as a teen and this would definitely be another bad relationship.”
“He is already showing you that he disrespects you.”
“He is actively attempting to harm you with foods that will make you sick, gaslighting you into thinking it’s your fault for being unable to eat foods he knew you couldn’t have, trying to control you (on a second date!), and disregarding real medical issues your daughter is dealing with.”
“He will only get worse from here.”
“Be glad you only wasted a small amount of time getting to know him and move on.”
“He’s not for you and definitely not for your child.”
“He deserves no more worries.”
“Just an ‘I don’t think our values mesh, wish you the best’ and move on.”
“When someone shows you who they are – believe them.” ~ MelodicExcuse4226
“NTA. STOP APOLOGIZING TO HIM!!”
“He’s the AH.”
“You have an allergy to eggs.”
“That’s not something to mess with.”
“He then put you AND your daughter down.”
“This is NOT the man for you.”
“This man disregarded your allergy and thinks he can fix you AND your daughter by forcing you to eat stuff you can’t.”
“Dump him and find yourself someone who will respect your allergy and her sensory condition.” ~ mphflame
“NTA, but why are you still in contact with this guy? 🚩🚩🚩”
“If this relationship progresses, once you and your child are living with him, he will start starving your daughter in an effort to force her to eat foods she can’t.”
“The mask has slipped.”
“Thank your lucky stars, it happened on the second date. He’s already told you who he is, believe him.” ~ Shadow5825
“ARFID isn’t ‘being picky,’ it’s a legitimate eating disorder.”
“It’s not something that people choose or can be bullied out of.”
“It’s also an incredibly common comorbid condition with autism (sidenote, there’s a strong genetic component for autism so might be worth seeing if the symptoms are something you relate to too, I only got diagnosed after my kids were 😉).”
“You’re NTA, but this guy has shown you his true colors.”
“He is not a good or safe fit for you and especially not for your daughter.”
“You both deserve better!” ~ SeePerspectives
“NTA. But to be clear, you didn’t refuse to eat it cause you’re picky, you refused to eat it cause you’re allergic to eggs.” ~ SigSauerPower320
“The issue here for me isn’t the food itself or that you didn’t eat it.”
“It’s that this guy seems hell-bent on making you and your daughter eat stuff that you don’t want to.”
“What else will he want to make you do?”
“He sounds controlling, and he definitely gaslit you the next day.”
“I really hope you don’t have a 3rd date with this clown. NTA.” ~ Jumpy_Succotash_241
“So he gave you stuff he knew were allergic to and didn’t like, insulted you and your child and you kept saying sorry? Seriously?”
“NTA, can’t see wood for the trees but NTA.” ~Equivalent-Ad5449
“NTA. Oof. Ok.”
“1- You aren’t picky.”
“You have a medical condition and are severely allergic to eggs.”
“You told him this.”
“He served you something made with eggs.”
“It’s not something you can get over.”
“2- this is someone you met once before this, and he quickly made that comment about you and your daughter.”
“Honestly, for me, that would be a get-up and leave and never speak to him again kind of comment.”
“This man doesn’t know you; he does not know your daughter; how dare he?”
“3- That is what he meant, and it was not a joke.”
“He only said it was because you got angry and rightfully called him on it.”
“This is very evident by him doubling down again on it later.”
“4- This man does not respect your or your daughter’s medical conditions, and people like that tend to try to push boundaries to ‘prove you wrong.'”
“Do you want to to end up in the hospital because he tried to serve you eggs again just so he could say ‘See you aren’t allergic?'”
“5- this man did not treat you well on this date. See all of the points above, and yet you apologized to him, and he was then still rude to you about it.”
“6- please don’t bring someone like this into your daughter’s life.”
“7- Therapy. You’ve been through a lot and have a lot to deal with.”
“You deserve someone who is not going to make life harder for you.” ~ Jerseygirl2468
“NTA in the slightest.”
“For one, you aren’t obligated to eat anything you don’t want to.”
“For two, it’s an allergy issue, and the comment he made about getting ‘past this mayo thing’ is alarming, to say the least.”
“You weren’t a ‘d**k’ about it at all.”
“A slip-up is one thing, but trying to police what someone else eats is a big no-no.” ~ Empty_Dish
“NTA! If someone tried to give him something he was allergic to, I bet he wouldn’t eat it either!”
“Allergies aren’t something you can just ‘get over,’ and his attitude towards a legitimate medical condition is disgusting!”
“Please, for your and your daughter’s sake, don’t see this man ever again!” ~ Simi_Grimm
“NTA, he fully intended to trick you into exposure therapy by making you eat a meal full of trigger foods.”
“It isn’t even important that this was a date; you should never be expected to eat something that will cause you pain, and he proved he doesn’t care about you or your child’s health.” ~ Zorbie
“NTA. He made you food you’re allergic to and then gave you a hard time about you not eating it.”
“He also insulted you and your daughter.”
“I mean, I also get frustrated preparing food to accommodate extreme pickiness, but medical conditions and allergies are a whole separate thing.”
“I’m sure you’ve already looked into it but if you’re able to get treatment for you or your daughter for ARFID it’s probably not a bad idea.” ~ JPenelope
“NTA. You’re absolutely right to avoid something that could trigger an allergic reaction, especially if he knew about your allergy in the first place.” ~ Aggressive-Minute889
“NTA, and I really hope that there isn’t going to be any 3rd date.”
“The man is a walking red flag.” ~ SpaTowner
“You cannot date this man.”
“He tried to give you an allergic reaction and just told you to get over it.”
“NTA.” ~ Kebar8
“NTA. He put your allergen in the food and is already openly planning to be a controlling a**hole to your daughter who he’s never even met.”
“Yeet this one into the sun.” ~ OkSecretary1231
Reddit is worried for you, OP.
Food allergies should be respected.
Also, you deserve respect… and this is anything but.
You may want to take some time and think twice about this guy.
Good luck.