Who gets family property when the older generation passes it on can be a very contentious issue.
Even if one person in particular paid for it outright.
There will still be others in the family tree who feel they have a claim to the place just because.
Therefore, it should be open to them and theirs whenever.
Then everyone starts hollering about everyone else being unreasonable.
And siblings yell, “That’s not how family acts!”
Case in point…
Redditor throwaway694395 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to host a birthday party because my nephew isn’t allowed in my house?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 24 F[emale] live on a 4-acre property that I bought for cheap from my grandma, who moved to a retirement community.”
“My nephew is turning 16 at the end of the month.”
“My sister asked if we could host his party here on the ‘family property’ meaning at my house.”
“I told her no because my nephew is not allowed at my house.”
“My nephew does not respect boundaries and treats everything like his plaything, including the boundaries of my older black lab, Davos.”
“He constantly chases him around and tries to pick him up despite me telling him to constantly leave him alone.”
“Davos has arthritis and can’t be chased around and hates loud noises, which my nephew is very loud.”
“As far as I know, he is neurotypical.”
“My sister blew up at me, telling me I was putting a dog before my nephew and it was grandma’s property that I can’t dictate.”
“I told her it was my property. I bought it and tended it and pay all the bills for it.”
“My mom called me and asked if I could just put Davos in a room during the party and suck it up for just a day, but I said no.”
“This is his house, and he’s allowed to go wherever he wants, and I won’t shut him in a room.”
“Now my family is divided, some of them calling me immature and selfish and others saying I’m right, while some, including my father refused to get involved.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Your nephew (and his mother) are learning that actions have consequences.”
“Best birthday gift you could give him. NTA.” ~ BigComfyCouch4
“Yeah, OP wouldn’t have to choose between the nephew and the dog if the human being who is approaching adulthood and is capable of understanding spoken language would just leave the dog alone.” ~ _higglety
“NTA, OP. If you want to be *super* generous, you could give a few examples of ways in which your nephew could regain your trust over time.”
“This would offer a path to reconciliation and a willingness to consider hosting a future party, say, for his 18th birthday or graduation.”
“If he makes amends and consistently demonstrates that he’s learned the importance of respecting boundaries.”
“But you’re under no obligation to do so, he’s violated your trust repeatedly, and the onus is on him to regain it.” ~ SkepticCole
“No shot. The 16-year-old terrorizes the cats, too (read in another of OP’s comments).”
“He’s not 6. He’s 16. This isn’t normal.”
“He enjoys terrorizing animals and doesn’t take no for an answer.”
“This is serial killer behavior.”
“There would have to be A LOT of work done before I would even be in the same room as someone who thinks terrorizing animals is fun.”
“Regardless, OP is NTA.”
“But I wouldn’t trust that psycho to be anywhere near me, my pets, or my property personally.” ~ Blackjack_Sass
“We have a nephew that terrorizes our dog and does not respect boundaries.”
“That is just ONE PIECE of all the behavioral issues that present.”
“There are a whole slew of flags that likely wouldn’t even make it into the post.”
“Terrorizing the dog is only a symptom of a bigger problem and not the minute detail the family should be griping about.”
“NTA OP.” ~ Sexy_Lexy_Rose
“Even if he was 6, absolutely terrorizing animals isn’t normal.”
“My 6 and 4-year-old nieces have been taught to be and are very gentle.”
“If I tell them to leave my cats alone, they will.”
“Even my 23-month-old nephew is gentle with my cats.”
“I still have to stop him myself from following them, but he’s learning.”
“At 16 this is abnormal and horrifying behavior. NTA OP.” ~ shadowedlove97
“NTA. The boy doesn’t respect boundaries, and I bet the whole family knows this.”
“Tell those who are calling you TA that THEY can host his party at THEIR home since they don’t care for his constant boundary stomping.”
“See what they say.”
“Also, your fur baby is sooooo cute.”
“Cherish him always.”
“He’s far more important than a rude family.” ~ MoonMelodicStation
“NTA. If the almost-16-year-old wasn’t a terror, this would be a non-issue.”
“Your sister says ‘You’re putting a dog over a person’ because she knows that on the surface, that would sound inappropriate or imbalanced.”
“The REAL issue is that an elderly dog would not be a barrier to a party necessarily if you could trust your family members to all behave and be respectful.”
“Kids MUCH younger than 15 can typically manage basic rules around an old or ailing pet, and it’s not your fault that he cannot.”
“Oh, ALSO the total a**holery and entitlement of your sister expecting to be able to use your property for this party! What a trip.”
“She sounds like she’s quite an AH on multiple levels, including in her dismissiveness of your ownership of the property and expectations that she has access to it as if it is somehow communal/family space.” ~ owls_and_cardinals
Oh, you know they have their eye on the place for a cheap-as-free venue as well. If she says no to sister, then they might have to find and pay for someplace to host their own weddings/reunions/etc.
“NTA – ‘The family’ isn’t paying the taxes and upkeep, they aren’t on the deed, and they have 0 rights to the property outside what OP allows.”
“Personally, I would be very reluctant to host gatherings at my own home in general.”
“Not to mention the insurance/civil complications should someone injure themselves during one of these shindigs.” ~SilverDarner
“This sounds VERY familiar, as I have a beach house I inherited from my grandfather and had to take out a mortgage to pay my sister off for ‘her share’ of it.”
“To this day she still calls it ‘our beach house’ and tries to demand the use of it because it belongs to the family.”
“Every time, I remind her about the enormous check I handed her and ask her if that is still ‘our money.'” ~ BurnAfterEating420
“NTA the kid is turning 16 and can’t be trusted around an old dog?”
“AH stuff, for sure.”
“Pretending your property belongs to the whole family is AH stuff too, so I’m not on your sister’s side either.” ~ Zestyclose-Custard-2
“God I had initially missed that the kid was 16 – reading it I genuinely thought we were talking about a 4-year-old.”
“It would still be valid for OP to say no, but I’d be able to understand better why there’s even a conflict.”
“But bloody hell, he’s 16!”
“It’s very manipulative and entitled of your sister to describe your house as family property. She knows why she said that.”
“I can see situations in which maybe it could be ok to keep the dog separate for a few hours.”
“I see absolutely no reason why you should even consider that for people who don’t respect your boundaries at all and basically just want a party venue for free. NTA.” ~ IndiaMike1
“NTA. It is your house, you bought it, you own it, and it is not a family property anymore.”
“Your sister is sh*tty to assume you will host the party.”
“Why on earth doesn’t she?!”
“And the 16-year-old sounds horrible.”
“I wouldn’t want them in my house either.”
“If anyone treated my cat like that, they would be banned for life.”
“No is a complete sentence.”
“Say it and stick to it.” ~ JessBx05
OP came back to chat…
“My nana and I have always had a very close relationship, and I’ve helped her tend the property for as long as I can remember.”
“So she offered to sell it to me when she grew too old to tend to it herself.”
“So no, other family members weren’t given the opportunity to buy it, but they also weren’t interested in it.”
“It is very old and outdated, and my sister especially always talked about how much she hated the aesthetic of the house.”
“The sole reason she wants to host it here is because my house has the most space.”
“It’s not a sentimental space for her.”
“Thank you all kind people of Reddit.”
We, OP, Reddit seems to be on your side.
Your house, your rules.
You bought the land fairly.
And you’re dog is important to you.
You are prioritizing what matters to you.
Hopefully, you and the family can come together and discuss having an understanding.
Good luck.