The Christmas dinner menu can be far more difficult to set than the table.
Who will bring what and why?
And who is in charge?
This is a serious process that can draw blood, and the holiday dinner season is upon us.
Some people need things to be a certain/perfect way.
But the perfect way has obstacles that are fueled by ghosts of holidays past.
Case in point…
Redditor Impressive_Peace6778 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to make lasagna for Christmas after what my M[other[ I[n] L[aw] did last year?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (30 F[emale]) have been together with my husband Michael (31 M[ale]) for 7 years.”
“Married for 3 and dating for 4.”
“My MIL (58 F) has always hosted Christmas ever since I’ve known him.”
“I’ve always made lasagna for Christmas and other special occasions.”
“I’m essentially the family lasagna maker, and I honestly don’t really mind since I love to cook and bake.”
“However, last year my MIL decided to make lasagna based off of what she saw me doing when she was at my house and a recipe she got off the internet.”
“I was surprised that she prepared a pan of her own but didn’t say anything and even got a small piece.”
“It did not taste good, and it was barely touched whilst mine had almost half gone near the end of the dinner.”
“That infuriated my MIL, and she wound up ranting about how everyone loves me more than her and tried to throw my lasagna in the trash.”
“I say tried because it mainly ended up on the floor.”
“Michael and I quickly left after that, and my MIL has not apologized for it since.”
“Yesterday, she called me to confirm what I was making for Christmas this year, and on her list of things I should make was lasagna.”
“I politely said I wasn’t going to make lasagna due to last year’s incident, and I’d be happy to make anything else.”
“My MIL wasn’t as polite and called me vindictive for refusing to make the lasagna over a small mistake.”
“I just refused again, and it made my MIL angrier, so she told me that unless I showed up with lasagna in hand, she wouldn’t let me be at the Christmas celebration.”
“My husband says it’s easier just to make the lasagna to keep the peace, and I shouldn’t hold my MIL’s mistake that she made out of anger against her.”
“Word got to my S[ister] I[n] L[aw] and B[other] I[n] L[aw] from my MIL, and they’re saying I should also make it even if it’s just half of what I would usually make.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“Sounds like he just volunteered to make the lasagna! NTA.” ~ Mairwyn_
“Premeditated self-destructive failed strategy. Not a mistake.”
“This woman wanted, for whatever reason, to upstage OP, went through the effort of trying to make OP’s signature dish, did a poor job of it, then proceeded to rampage with revenge and destroy OP’s leftovers.”
“There are way too many deliberate actions in that event for any of her chosen behavior to be a mistake.”
“And she has not apologized.”
“I’d be insisting that husband joins OP in whatever other Christmas celebrations she’d prefer to attend from now on.”
“They can send a cheap frozen lasagna to MIL’s as their RSVP ‘No.'” ~ Professional_Ruin953
“I’d just get Stoeffers of Marie Calendars frozen, pop it in my own disposable tray, and heat it up.”
“And I’d send it with hubby and not attend.”
“Lasagna takes a long time from scratch, and MIL does not deserve it.” ~ Nodramallama18
“I don’t think she’ll pursue that again.”
“But what she wants is to demonstrate that she can make OP do what she wants and not have to apologize and can then lord it over OP and pretty much smirk the entire time, knowing that everybody else will blame OP if she so much as defends herself in the slightest.”
“MIL knows this.”
“It’s a power trip.” ~ corgihuntress
“Yep. Tell hubby you will go once his mom apologizes from her heart.”
“You don’t feel welcome or respected as a person and have no desire to be uncomfortable for the x hours you would be there.”
“Set the stage now.”
“I was a peacekeeper in the family and wish someone said to stand my ground before kids.”
“Postpartum with hormones and no sleep was not the most graceful time for me to decide to step up.” ~ HappyToes00784
“NTA. Hold ‘Lasagna Christmas’ at your house, and invite all family members who want delicious lasagna to join.”
“Let them decide which lasagna wins with their feet.”
“Get lasagna-themed decorations.”
“Serve lasagna-themed cocktails.”
“Make it a THING.” ~ RickRussellTX
“To me, this is about the worst part.”
“Because lasagna is super messy the first day it gets eaten, and when allowed to become leftovers, solidifies a bit more and in some ways is better as leftovers than the first time.”
“I would be so pissed if this happened to me, and I would never, ever make lasagna for those ungrateful people ever again.”
“I really feel for OP because I have a fantastic lasagna recipe as well; everyone who has ever had it loves it.”
“OP, you’re NTA.”
“And I hope that your husband will come around and back you up like he should.”
“You’re the family he chose. He should stand beside you in solidarity.” ~ tyedyehippy
“Yup. NTA. OP I would look up the term, ‘don’t rock the boat.'”
“Your husband is trying to prevent you from standing up for yourself.”
“By you standing up for yourself, you are essentially ‘rocking the boat.'”
“Your MIL gets her way under any circumstance.”
“People let her do that because they don’t want to deal with the impending behavior.”
“They deal with the initial shi**y behavior and keep the boat steady anytime someone tries to stand up for themselves.”
“This would be a hill I died on.”
“Your husband needs to get out of the habit of steadying the boat and start supporting you.” ~ OHarePhoto
“NTA. When MIL is being this obnoxious, maybe it’s time to stay home and celebrate with hubby (and kid(s)).”
“First of all, before you cook anything again, MIL should apologize to you in front of everyone.”
“In the meantime, hubby can make the lasagna this year.” ~ Mera1506
“Another option is to get some frozen lasagna and bring that.”
“If anyone complains, simply say, ‘I’m not going to put a lot of time and effort into something only to see half of it trashed.'”
“Or, as was mentioned, have your husband make it.”
“Maybe then he will realize that what his mother did was not OK. NTA.” ~ Janetaz18
“This all of this.”
“Coming from a family where my MIL is not in the picture because my husband was done being her proverbial punching bag as well as talking me down as a DIL his priority became his immediate family.”
“Meaning me.”
“We have children now, but this happened early in our marriage.”
“He needs to demand an apology from you, or he can make lasagna. NTA.” ~ Magicalpuppylove
“You could take a different tack.”
“Tell everyone that after what happened last Christmas, you’ve decided not to bring your lasagna this year because of the tension it caused.”
“Add that it was actually a bit of a relief not to have to bring one because it’s hard work to get it to come out right.”
“If you are not welcome without a lasagna, then wish them a wonderful holiday party, and maybe next year you’ll feel ready to make it again, and attend.”
“ETA for verb tense and other grammar crap that wrankled.” ~ popoPitifulme
“Agree. Do this in the family group chat, if you have one, so you sound upbeat and calm, and so you don’t have to contact people individually or use a public forum like social media.”
“To be honest, I am never going to be in the ‘keep the peace’ delegation.”
“I think it just keeps you in the position of a doormat, and others feeling they can keep getting away with mistreatment.”
“I’d be the first to cheerily back out of the holiday gathering entirely and spend the day in my PJs with no stress.”
“Sounds like an easy out!”
“NTA, but husband, SIL, and BIL are for trying to guilt you instead of scolding mom for her behavior.” ~ Organized_Khaos
“Easier for who? Her?”
“Because she doesn’t have to make anything and can continue just to pretend nothing happened and not take any responsibility for her temper tantrum?”
“That’s the only person it sounds like it would be easier for.”
“Why should the ‘bad actor’ get it easy?”
“If anyone should get an easy go of it, it should be the person who suffered bc of her actions! NTA.” ~ johnlocklives
“This is spot on.”
“The ‘pretend nothing happened.'”
“My husband’s dad and stepmom love to act and say the most outrageously disrespectful things and then pretend nothing happened.”
“Or expect us to show up to the holidays and pretend we are a hallmark family.”
“It’s to the point where we skipped Thanksgiving this year and plan to skip Xmas.”
“Just being on Reddit, I can’t believe how many people have nightmare in-laws.” ~ youdontneedakno1
“I’m sorry your husband doesn’t have your back!”
“He really should.”
“I don’t know if you could win this one if he doesn’t have your back.”
“But – petty me would buy Stouffers lasagne and dump it on her counter when you get there. NTA.” ~ Princess-She-ra
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Perhaps if you heard a few apologies about the last incident, it would change your mind.
You should be able to make what you like for Christmas dinner.
Especially when what you made last year was treated so poorly.
Sorry for the family drama, but we’d love the recipe for ourselves.