Recently, there has been a huge push on social media for motherhood awareness and the realities behind being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), especially when they’re taken advantage of.
But it seems there are people now who are attempting to use this new mindset around motherhood as a means for an excuse, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Throwawayhicamera2 felt overburdened at home with stay-at-home mom tasks, but her husband was critical of how frequently she dropped the ball with her responsibilities.
When she discovered her husband had planted a camera in their home to see how busy she actually was, the Original Poster (OP) was immediately ready to divorce him.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for divorcing my husband for putting a camera in our house to prove a point about me?”
The OP recently discovered her husband had planted a camera in their home to watch her.
“It’s been about a month since I (46 Female) found out my husband (47 Male) had put a hidden camera in our living room to ‘prove’ that I’m lazy and worthless.”
“It was a small disguised camera hidden inside what looked like a charging block. He stuck one in a living room outlet. We have three kids (16 Female, 14 Male, and 12 Female) who all have a bunch of chargers and such, so I did not suspect.”
“The point my husband was trying to prove was that my administrative skills are not up to the Super SAHM standards he as a ‘high earner’ deserves.”
The OP’s husband had become increasingly frustrated with her for not fulfilling her tasks.
“This all started after a situation where my 12-year-old needed a permission slip signed and forms filled out in order to go on a class trip.”
“I admit that things happened and we missed the submission deadline.”
“I had made a note to fill out the forms on another day since it was a task I needed to be 100% focused on.”
“But it became the start of a new month, and that’s when I do most of the shopping and tracking of household bills and subscriptions.”
“I do daily cleaning, but we use a service for deep cleaning and landscaping that I had to supervise at that time, as well.”
“Long story short, my 16-year-old called my husband after picking up her sister, saying she was crying because she couldn’t go on her trip.”
“My husband drove to the school to beg them to let him fill the forms out in the office. Thankfully, they let him since it was the same day. I apologized profusely.”
The OP’s husband lashed out at her after completing the forms.
“My husband, who is self-employed as an HVAC technician, laid into me about how he has so many calls a day but still handles the administrative aspect of his job, including communications and bookkeeping.”
“I yelled back because his work is concentrated while my work at home has a bunch of moving parts and emotional labor as well, and I do it all behind the scenes.”
“He dug his heels in about how I wasn’t as busy as him and needed to do ‘easy’ things better.”
“A week later, he picked a fight about me not going that day to mail checks out to his employees when I knew I could’ve done it the next day.”
“He admitted to the camera and started citing ‘proof’ of times I was on my phone and that automatically equaled goofing off to him.”
“But I was on my phone researching meals to fit my daughter’s dietary restrictions while keeping her healthy as a ballet dancer. I was looking into subscriptions for frozen but healthy meals she and the rest of us could have on the go or at home.”
The OP felt deeply disrespected.
“The fact he took offense to me occasionally lying down when I was researching, or that I had taken a TV break before preparing dinner, did it for me.”
“He knew that my days were crazy during the first days of the month, which was when the permission slip debacle happened.”
“I kicked him out of the house. It’s been a month and friends have been saying that I’m missing the fact there are others out there who would not disregard the things I do to make being high-earning possible.”
“I ended up seeing an attorney and just filed for divorce because I feel violated and devalued.”
When she received questions about her work as a SAHM, the OP added:
“I will pay the monthly bills and then have some things to mail. He’ll then drop in and say, ‘Hey, can you take these checks with you to the post office, too,’ on very short notice. Of course, he doesn’t seem to think me often having to take an extra trip and deal with the long lines at the post office where the workers often take extra long breaks) is not work or inconveniencing.”
“If he wanted to mail the checks, he should have taken them and carved out time when he was in between job sites. After our fight, he snatched the envelopes out and found out why going to the post office in the afternoon is awful.”
“He thinks that dealing with the slow inefficiency of the post office is not ‘real work’ when I’m the one doing it. But when he went after our fight to mail the checks, somehow dealing with the long line right before closing was work for him.”
“He thinks that because he’s the one generating the checks (which takes two seconds) and printing them, that is somehow more payable work than what I do because ‘I was going to the post office anyway.'”
“But often my things to mail out can wait, but his cannot or else he gets into it with me.”
“If I was paid for the labor I did in the tasks I constantly pick up for the household, dry cleaning, cooking, shopping, he’d be bankrupt.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Some mocked the OP and said she’d benefit her husband by initiating that divorce.
“Your husband is soooo lucky you are filing. YIKES.” – FahPuddin
“They use a deep cleaning service, landscaping services, accounting services, and the mom has no time on such a regular basis, that the kids call their dad…” – HugeVermicelli-5273
“You couldn’t even sign a piece of paper and you are b***hing about HIS time management? You must be like, really pretty.” – bamflisa
“Just so we’re clear, when we say being a SAHM is a full-time job, we mean being a SAHM is a full-time job when the kids are little AND the jobs are actually getting done, and we aren’t saying they should get wages for it but be appreciated as they deserve.”
“OP, you don’t clean by yourself, you fail at taking care of child-related things in a timely fashion, your kids are at school all day, you are looking into frozen meals to get out of cooking (?????).”
“You are NOT who we are talking about. You ARE acting lazy, and maybe your husband shouldn’t have filmed you to prove a point, but his point was still made and valid. By all means, file for divorce and go realize what the real world is. It sucks. You’re gonna hate it. Apologize.” – Pasdusername
“Why should he have to carve the time out to deliver the checks? You’re at home all day and missing all these things but you couldn’t be bothered to carve out the time to go to the post office for a business which is your households’ sole income?”
“You really do suck and frankly, you’re making the right decision to file for divorce. Maybe you’ll find the time on your own to work and learn that you have dropped the ball and maybe your husband will find someone who appreciates what he does.”
“While he sucks for the hidden camera, YTA for not being responsible for your family.” – amber130490
“Someone who can’t understand the importance of mailing out peoples’ paychecks on time shouldn’t be left with that task. That was his mistake, you’re absolutely right. I wanted to be on your side because filming people without their knowledge and consent is f**ked up but I’d be tired of you dropping the ball, too.”
“You’re at home all day when you’re not running errands and your kids are calling their dad to fix your easily avoidable messes while he’s at work, at the job you don’t see the urgency in sending out his employees’ paychecks on time. Yeah, I’d be tired of that s**t, too, y’all have fun with that divorce and good luck to you after. You’re gonna need it.” – Butterscotchtape55
Others agreed and encouraged the OP to be more grateful for what she had.
“AHAHAHAHA. Please update when you are divorced and suddenly realize child support doesn’t even pay half the bills and that you’ll have to get a job AND take care of your household (without cleaners, by the way) AND take care of the kids.”
“Your entitlement is unreal. YTA.” – FinickyFusion
“You want him to do it during his days at work that fund your laziness?”
“You don’t deep clean, he pays for someone to do that.”
“You don’t garden, he pays for someone to do that.”
“You don’t cook, he pays for someone to make subscription frozen meals.”
“You don’t sign permission slips which take 30 seconds, and it’s not like the school suddenly springs them on you. He has to rush in from his f**king job that pays for you to sit on your lazy a** to sign the permission slips in time.”
“What in the absolute f**k do you DO all day?? By all means! Divorce him! How fast your little bubble will burst when you realize you have to work and without his money won’t be able to afford cleaners and landscapers!”
“YTA. Wake the f**k up. Oh, to have the life you live!” – Frozefoots
“How many mothers out there that have to work 40+ hours a week would love to have the life she lives, and would be overjoyed to handle even those handful of things.” – binary-survivalist
“The OP’s mad about the camera, but it’s clear her husband did that to get Video of her spending a large chunk of her time sitting on her a** in the same spot. Probably playing on her f**king phone.”
“While that dude is single-handily carrying an obviously pretty decent lifestyle.”
“And this isn’t just pretty decent, this is essentially as good as it gets without winning the lotto or generational wealth inheritance.”
“He makes enough so she can stay at home, has hired help for every major chore, the kids are all school-aged and out of the house most of the day, and can order already prepared meals.”
“This is the dream scenario for most people, many would kill to have OP’s life. She freely admits her biggest tasks are grocery shopping and paying the bills on time, tasks 99% of the population consider minor and just a regular part of the day.”
“I hope the (ex) husband has a solid prenup in place to protect his business and assets, I would hate to find out he has to continue to keep OP in this luxurious lifestyle but that’s likely what will happen.” – trash10
“Was he at the end of his rope with trying to get you to realize you have an organizational problem or was this the first instance of you making a mistake? Too many variables but it sounds like he needed proof because you don’t listen to his concerns.”
“I think marriage counseling should have been the first step but I also believe that if you are at the point of divorcing, then maybe it doesn’t matter why you are there. The fact you are there is enough proof to show the marriage isn’t working.”
“Just don’t try to blame him later on if your life post-divorce isn’t better. You made this decision” – lex_G
“Nah, she’s been delusioned to think her life is horrible! Her husband is a worthless lazy son of a b***h because he doesn’t do the dishes or cooking. She’s expected to still be sexually attracted to this man-child who doesn’t appreciate all her hard work!”
“She’s at home doing the hardest job in the world and the one that is least appreciated at the same time. She has to do all the baking for the kids’ school, doctors’ appointments and do much mental load and emotional labor that he refuses to help with.”
“…Please.”
“This is the story that is so hot right now, SAHMs complaining on social media to other SAHMs who are consuming social media all day about how horrible their life is.”
“Notice the language she uses to describe things in a way to make it sounds like its actually very time-consuming. Her daughter’s special diet for ballet? Ballet? You mean the thing that is probably costing him a couple hundred a month minimum and she needs to invest time into a food service?”
“And her daughter has her own vehicle? Who’s paying for that with insurance and gas money?”
“This woman is convinced because of social media that she’s the hardest working person in their family and they couldn’t sustain themselves if it wasn’t for her immense load in keeping things moving at home.”
“I hope more people remember this story when they hear another SAHM or SAHW complaining about how hard they have it. While it’s not easy, social media has people believing they are doing much much more than they are, so much so that if the husband isn’t coming home to do half the domestic labor then he’s lazy and taking her for granted.” – BananasAreEvil
The subReddit could not stop shaking their heads at this stay-at-home mom’s behavior and what she seemed ready to throw away over a minor inconvenience.
With so many standard stay-at-home tasks already outsourced, it was hard to imagine what the OP was doing all day long and why going to the post office was enough to throw away a marriage.