Supporting family isn’t always easy.
In fact, it can be one of the most difficult tasks in the world.
Family is sometimes too difficult to help.
But people keep trying.
However, the goodwill can only go so far.
Redditor Historical_Archer513 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for demanding my stepbrother start seeing his son again before I give him money for his pregnant G[irl]F[riend]?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (40 M[ale]) stepbrother (32 M) has a son (4 M) from his previous marriage to Emily (29 F[emale]).”
“Their relationship after the divorce has been turbulent, to say the least.”
“He used to be more involved in his son’s life, but last year they had a dispute over child support, and since then he hasn’t really seen him.”
“I’ve tried to help them patch things up for the sake of the kid, but it’s been impossible.”
“I stay in touch with Emily and occasionally see her and the child.”
“I also cover the boy’s healthcare.”
“Last month, my stepbrother called me.”
“He’s been dating his current girlfriend (25) for a couple of months, and he told me she’s pregnant.”
“They’re genuinely happy about it.”
“I tried to be supportive, but I felt it was questionable that he was jumping into having another child so quickly.”
“The bigger issue came when he asked me for money, something he does occasionally, saying he needed help supporting his girlfriend through the pregnancy because she doesn’t have a job and his salary is low.”
“I was frustrated by the whole situation but tried to approach it constructively.”
“I offered to help financially with the pregnancy if he repaired his co-parenting relationship with Emily and started seeing his son regularly again.”
“I even offered to help with his child support arrears.”
“He got offended.”
“He insisted that he obviously wanted to see his son but claimed it was entirely Emily’s fault that he hadn’t.”
“He said he needed to focus on his girlfriend and the upcoming baby right now, and that it wasn’t the time to deal with his issues with Emily.”
“He said he might revisit them after the new baby is born.”
“I told him that wasn’t acceptable and that if he stayed in that position, I couldn’t help him financially.”
“He got really upset and accused me of not caring about him or his new family, and of siding with Emily, which isn’t true.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Stop giving your deadbeat brother money.”
“Give your nephew money and keep a relationship with him.”
“But honestly, don’t do anything more for your brother or the young adult he knocked up.”
“If you keep helping him, you’re enabling that disaster.” ~ WarDog1983
“A-f**kin’-men. OP, your stepbrother is a (I have been reading weird Alien-inspired short stories, so my adjectives are all kinda off at the moment) morally putrid wretch.”
“He has no business having a baby with this new girlfriend when he can’t pay for the one he already has.”
“And presumably, based on what he said, that he might ‘revisit those issues after the baby’s born,’ he isn’t going to ever think about them again.”
“Why should he, when he’s been able to milk so much out of his stepbrother’s bank account without making any concessions at all?”
“Dude’s a gross a**hole.”
“Emily and his son deserve better.”
“You are NTA at all, and honestly, far more gracious than I would be by offering him so much with so little effort on his part.”
“His grubby attitude about money and disdainful attitude about, y’know, his other child makes my teeth itch.”
“Pay him no mind, and definitely no further attention spent on his greedy, annoying mewlings.” ~ Embercream
“You’d be the hero here if you offered to pay for a vasectomy and he agreed.” ~ Acrobatic_Hippo_9593
“Tell him you will pay for his vasectomy.” ~ residentcaprice
“NTA. But honestly, that kid deserves a dad that isn’t being bribed to be in his life.”
“Stop financially supporting your brother and his poor choices.” ~ CrabbiestAsp
“NTA. The standard rule of ‘don’t breed what you can’t feed’ applies.”
“Tell him you’re supporting his OTHER child, so you don’t have the spare money to support yet another baby mama.” ~ Sugar_Mama76
“The best way to get a person to grow up is to let them feel the consequences of their mistakes.”
“Stop helping your brother and his son financially.”
“Tell Emily and his new girlfriend to apply for government assistance.”
“They will help with medical bills and will collect child support from your brother.”
“Emily can go to court for child support and medical from your brother.”
“His girlfriend can apply for medical assistance during pregnancy.”
“This is not your problem or responsibility.”
“Why are you involved?”
“For your stepnephew?”
“Set up a college fund for him, that’s all you should be doing.”
“So, trying to save your stepbrother from himself.” ~ East-Tangerine1673
“He needs to stop having children that he can not support.”
“You need to stop enabling a grown man who just wants money.” ~ angelicak92
“You’re not the a**hole, but your brother is, and he’s gonna keep reproducing.”
“Offered to pay for the vasectomy since he can’t financially support the child he already has, let alone the new one that he is intentionally bringing into the world.”
“You’re not their financial safety net, and you’re not their ATM.” ~ United-Manner20
“NTA, except you yourself.”
“Are you your brother’s sugar daddy?”
“Tell Emily she has a year, then she has to get her own healthcare.”
“Tell your brother that his responsibilities are his own.”
“He chose to have another baby while not having the money to support it.”
“His girlfriend decided to have a baby without having any money at all.”
“People who are financially supported when they are adults never grow up and never understand money.” ~ Spare_Ad5009
“So many people keep having babies that they can not possibly afford to care for, and always need someone else to foot the bill.”
“Does his pregnant gf know he has a 4-year-old that he walked away from?”
“If it were me, I wouldn’t be excited that I got pregnant from a guy like that.”
“Why are you financially wanting to take all this on?”
“He will never step up if you volunteer to do it for him.”
“You sound like a really nice person, but maybe step back.”
“You can’t make your brother do anything. NTA.” ~ NoOil7805
“NTA. But… just cut that brother loose.”
“Your support has probably added to his mess.”
“Let him sink or swim.”
“And don’t get yourself attached to another kid.”
“You’ll end up supporting all of them.”
“Just let him and all his bad mistakes go.”
“You’ve already got a relationship with his first wife and kid.”
“That’s enough.” ~ Free-Place-3930
“NTA, your brother can’t just keep creating children and then abandoning them to create new ones.”
“He has responsibilities to the child he already created, even if he now has another one on the way.”
“If I were you, I would cut your brother out of your life and focus all that love and attention on my nephew.”
“It seems like Emily could use the help, and the child could use a fatherly figure/favorite uncle.” ~ thisisstupid-
“NTA, he lacks accountability and will continue to lack accountability.”
“When he breaks up with this girlfriend, it’ll be the same story.”
“He’ll be in arrears for 2 children instead of one.”
“Don’t help him, help the Moms because you want to, if you want to.” ~ asamue16
“NTA, stop financially helping your brother, period.”
“He is a grown adult.”
“If he can’t afford to support his children, then he needs to stop having them.”
“Bailing him out will not help him grow into a capable adult.”
“His current girlfriend also needs to learn what type of person he truly is.” ~ Suitable_Doubt7359
“He needs to start taking full responsibility for his children.”
“Why is he getting a new GF pregnant when they cannot afford a child, and he doesn’t take care of the one he has?”
“I wouldn’t give him anything. NTA.” ~ Individual_Metal_983
“Was your stepbrother not around when his first child was born?”
“His life is going to be crazy hectic when the baby comes!”
“And money is going to be tighter because of all the diapers and wipes that will be needed on top of a new wardrobe every few weeks.”
“If he keeps putting off rebuilding the relationship with his firstborn, the child will soon be old enough to remember and understand clearly, which will make it that much harder to rebuild.”
“NTA, you are trying to help your nephew not have a deadbeat father.”
“Condoms are so much cheaper than diapers!” ~ Useful-Literature357
“NTA unless you continue to give this deadbeat anything other than leads for better jobs.”
“STOP giving him anything, for any reason!”
“You can’t force or bribe him into a healthy relationship with his son.”
“STOP giving him financial support other than paying for a vasectomy if he is willing.” ~ StandardRaspberry509
“NTA. So after just a few Months of dating, he’s happy this new GF is pregnant and needs money again.”
“While he continues to neglect his first baby and refuses to pay child support.”
“He doesn’t even make enough money to support this new GF and future baby.”
“Why isn’t he making it a priority to find another job or work a second job?”
“And what’s going to happen when this relationship ends?”
“Please stop enabling him because he’ll never take responsibility.”
“Please update us.” ~ Sea_Effort1234
Well, OP, this is a sad situation.
You’re a good brother and a great uncle.
It’s time for your brother to man up.
You can’t be responsible for his life or his kids.
Good Luck.