Wedding planning is already an immense task without complications.
But what wedding doesn’t have its complications?
Redditor, Thruway1099367, is currently going through the motions of planning a wedding with their partner.
Everything was going well until they started receiving special requests.
Now the Original Poster (OP) is questioning whether they’d be wrong for disregarding them.
So they turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for some clarity, asking:
“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if I didn’t plan my wedding menu around one guest?”
The OP is making progress in planning their wedding.
“Like many people who are preparing for their wedding, my fiance and I are trying to nail down a menu with our caterer.”
“Our wedding is coming this summer, and we are at the point where we need to make decisions about our menu.”
“Our caterer allows us two entree choices for the wedding menu- we definitely want one meat option and one vegetarian option because we have many guests who are vegetarians.”
But one difficult guest is planning to attend.
“The problem, though, is one of our invited guests, Luke, will be bringing his girlfriend, Lisa, as his plus one.”
“I do not know Lisa very well. We’ve only met about three times.”
“In our limited interaction, she has made it very clear that she’s a glutenfreegan (a gluten-free vegan).”
“The hangouts we have attended are memorable because she always brings baked goods, serves them to everyone, and then as soon as we finish eating them, she smugly goes, ‘HA! That was gluten-free, dairy-free, and vegan! See? It’s not so hard.'”
Now she’s making special requests.
“Back to wedding planning, the menu we were ready to submit to our caterers included a cherry duck breast with leek mashed potatoes for the meat option, and a mushroom cream sauce pasta entree as the vegetarian meal.”
“Luke texted us, asking if we know what we will be serving, so we told him what the projected options are.”
“He told us Lisa will be mad because the vegetarian option still includes lactose (cream sauce) and gluten (pasta). He gave her my phone number and she started- unsolicited- texting me alternatives that I should change my wedding menu to.”
The OP is debating whether or not to comply.
“I sympathize with Lisa, it is hard to have dietary restrictions. But changing an entire menu just for her doesn’t work.”
“The only vegetarian options we were given by the caterer all include pasta, and I am having a hard time finding ANYTHING that would fit for her special dietary restrictions but still serve the needs of other guests.”
“WIBTA if I didn’t change my wedding menu just for her?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t get over her audacity, since she’s a plus-one guest.
“A plus-one wants to dictate the wedding menu? Rude.”
“I used to order catering for large groups of people and people with dietary restrictions were super nice. Most didn’t want to be a bother.”
“Sometimes they wouldn’t even tell me and I’d spot someone skipping the meat to load up a plate with beans and salad.” – SnooLemons9285
“NTA. I don’t think you need to change your entire menu for her, but you can at least ask the caterer if they’re able to accommodate one gluten-free vegan meal for a guest with dietary restrictions. They may say no, or may charge you a nominal fee to accommodate, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.” – sour_lemons
Others were sure the wedding caterer would be able to figure out something.
“Friends’ wedding they were able to ensure the vegetarian option was also nut-free due to a mutual friend being vegetarian and allergic to nuts.”
“All they had to do was let the caterer know and they were able to confirm that all the vegetarian options would be nut-free to reduce the risk of accidental cross-contamination” – saltwatertaffy324
“I have yet to meet a wedding caterer who hasn’t dealt with this a million times over. I’m a celiac and catered events I’ve been to have always fit me in and I’ve been to enough in my life where I’m the only one.”
“It’s never been a big deal for the caterer to add a GF pasta and it’s super easy to add a jar of vegan sauce to that.”
“The question I have is, will this girl be happy with anything offered. People always made sure I would have a dish because I was never a jerk about it.”
“I have this issue and if there is nothing to eat, I’ll be fine until after the event. I know how to get my own food if needed. Never have I ever tried to prove to people that eating gluten-free is superior.” – 1chemistdown
Some also pointed out they don’t like receiving special treatment at other people’s events.
“Right! I have never found a caterer that cannot come up with something for that person, whoever that person is.”
“It may not be top-notch food, but I’m super happy that everyone is taking the time to consider my needs.”
“I’m friggin’ thankful. I do not need a five-star meal served to me when I’m somewhere celebrating someone else. It’s not about me and my needs.” – 1chemistdown
“My BIL’s (brother-in-law’s) wedding is coming up and they’re working out catering from a barbecue place, and talked to the caterer about my diet (gluten-free, low fat, low carb, no sugar, no sugar substitutes, no caffeine, and no alcohol, all for medical reasons).”
“They said the caterer kind of blinked and then said, ‘So, baked chicken and steamed vegetables with lemon water?’ Problem solved!”
“I told that story to one of my gf (girlfriend) friends and she launched into a rant about what a boring meal that is and how the caterer should try harder.”
“It made me laugh. Are you kidding me?”
“I barely have the energy to figure out my diet and I’m the one it’s keeping alive! The fact that they and their caterer cared enough to plan a meal for me is huge!” – Jazmadoodle
Though having dietary restrictions is hard, it’s even harder to imagine someone else will change all of their plans to accommodate one person.
But between talking to the caterer, allowing other food to come in, and ordering an extra plate, surely the happy couple can work out something.