It's sometimes easy to read into presents we are given.
Most of the time, people are simply trying to be generous and may not realize they've given us something that strikes an unpleasant chord.
Other times, our concerns may be valid, and the gift may have been given with a somewhat sinister intent.
Redditor Separate-Necessary-3 recently gave their three siblings three somewhat unusual gifts.
The original poster (OP) gave them these gifts for a very specific reason.
The OP's mother, however, took great offense to these presents, feeling they were a personal attack on her.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for buying my siblings AncestryDNA kits?"
The OP explained why they felt. DNA kits were a necessary gift for their siblings:
"My mom says I am being an @ss for buying my siblings DNA kits this summer."
"Backstory: last year I did a DNA kit and found out that the dad I had known for 38 years wasn’t my bio dad."
"Even though my mom admits to sleeping with my bio dad, she swore he wasn’t my dad."
"I match to 3 of his other kids."
"I got my sibs DNA test so they could be sure about their dads."
"Mom says I’m calling her a wh*re."
"I just think we should all know where we came from."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for giving their siblings DNA tests.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely correct in believing that their siblings deserved to know who their blood relations were, particularly as the OP's mother had not been honest with them... even if some didn't quite understand why the OP felt compelled to tell their mother, and others wondered if the OP had seriously considered any and all possible consequences:
"NTA."
"I'm guessing they are adults."
"They can make that choice themselves."- Madameknitsalot
"NTA."
"Your siblings can choose to use them or not."
"I hope you TOLD your siblings about the situation first, and they didn't find out via your present that they might have a different dad - that would make you the AH to them."- Sensitive_Coconut339
"NTA."
"It’s not even about 'knowing where you come from', you accidentally gave doctors an incorrect family medical history for 38 years and your mom is okay with your siblings possibly continuing to do that for the rest of their lives."
"People have died because of situations like this."
"It is better to tell your doctors that you are missing a chunk of your family medical history than to give them incorrect information."- Icy_Soft6906
"NTA."
"But also why tell your mom?"
"You’re all adults and if you/your siblings want to do a test why involve your mom at all?"- Zadsta
"NTA."
"But y'all need therapy."- yerbivor
"NTA."
"You wanting answers doesn’t make her a wh*re."
"Both my mom and stepmom have discovered extra siblings or true bio-parents thanks to these kits and have made some great connections."
"People who want answers shouldn’t be shamed for it and definitely are NTA."- Past_Exercise6507
"NTA."
"She’s projecting because she got caught."
"You’re ensuring your siblings have information relevant to their parentage, which could impact their family medical history and possible future health."
"She’s just worried about how this makes her look but she wasn’t very worried about that when she was fooling around so that’s her burden to bear."- shortifiable
"NTA."
"She had 38 years to tell you."
"I had this happen to me recently..."
"I found out I have 2 sisters I didn't know about."
"I bought my siblings I grew up with DNA kits just to figure out things, and when they popped up as half-siblings, we knew."-grathungar
"NTA I assume your siblings are adults."
"They can make the choice."
"But your mother has demonstrated a lack of trustworthiness with your paternity and you - and they- are entitled to honesty."-Dogmother123
"NTA."
"My mum and her siblings did this after their parents had both passed."
"Rather than sharing a father, they discovered 4 different fathers across the 9 children."
"This helped inform them on a lot of medical stuff they never thought was in the family and answered a lot of questions about why some were so different from others."- quiet0n3
"NTA."
"Your mom is just worried that more truth will come out."- Cartmansimon
"NTA."
"You are all adults and your mom should have said something by now."
"Since she won’t tell you all the truth you are helping your siblings find it for themselves."- Sweetsmyle
"NTA."
"But I don't think you should insist they actually do the test or ask about the results."
"Give this to them as an option but let them know you don't expect to hear anything more about it and they can toss it if they want."
"You can't force folks to test their DNA."- tellypmoon
"NTA necessarily, but you should obviously expect this likely to cause family drama."
"As long as that’s worth it to you, test away."- MadHatter_1391
"NTA."
"I think it is a wonderful gift for them and I hope they use it."- Bill___A
"NTA."
"This is all happening because she either lied or didn’t know who your real father was."
"Only person to blame is herself."
"She’s the a**hole."- celestialastrid101
"NTA."
"You didn't call her a wh*re but if that's how she feels....well maybe she should have made some better decisions like not sleeping around."- minimoonprincess
"NTA."
"They can choose whether or not to take the test."
"If they don't want to take it, the kit can go to someone else."
"Check in genealogy Facebook groups or with friends."- DoIQual123
"NTA, but this is hilarious."
"This is the literal version of FAFO."- mssleepyhead73
"NTA."
"Your mom lied about your parent."
"Your siblings need to know who their father is in case there is relevant family health information that they need."
"And they would have done that on their own if you hadn't bought them the kits."- Riker_Omega_Three
"Easy NTA."
"Mom shouldn't have slept around and then lied about it."
"She's protecting herself and her reputation."
"If she thinks you're calling her a wh*re, that's just how she views herself and her past actions, and she's trying to find a scapegoat from her own thoughts."- Xlaits
"You are NTA, as long as your siblings approve."
"Just know that it isn't uncommon for people whose parentage is in question to be disinterested in the truth."
"A member of my extended family's father was in that situation."
"His mother refused to identify his father and always said she'd take the information to the grave."
"She did."
"I bought the family member a DNA test and he gave me access to the results."
"When I narrowed down the possibilities to three men in a specific family, that family member contacted his dad to see if he was interested in the results."
"He wasn't."- nofaves
"NTA."
"I would cut your mum off."- Extreme-Suspect399
"I mean."
"She's just being incredibly defensive."
"You're NTA, but her reaction makes sense considering the situation."
"She doesn't want a 40-year-old secret to come out. It's kind of huge."
"But you're definitely doing the right thing for all your siblings."
"Crazy that your mom has lied to your family your whole lives."- tigerbackrub
"Buying DNA test kits doesn't do anything to express feelings about your mom's sexual history."
"It only expresses that you think your siblings deserved to have some certainty around who their dads are."
"Your situation made it clear that your mom's statements about who got her pregnant can't be assumed to be accurate."
"She's the one calling herself names, not you."
"You are NTA."
"You mentioned she has self-esteem issues."
"She may also have problems with chronic feelings of shame around her past behavior."
"She needs to forgive herself and move on."
"Four decades later, you were just looking for factual data."- throw05282021
There were a select few, however, who felt that the OP needed to let this go, and leave whether or not their siblings wanted to take DNA tests up to them, and not force it on them by giving them tests:
"I think YTA."
"DNA test can change families especially if the main player is deceased."
"You took a DNA test and found out your dad is not your dad."
"It seems like you're hoping your other siblings will find out something similar."- Electronic_Farm_4633
Since the OP was lied to for most of his life, it's understandable why he might have felt compelled to get DNA tests.
His siblings being adults, they were under no obligation to use the,/
One also hopes that, if the OP's mother has anything to hide, she will do so before the OP's siblings find out for themselves.
Even so, the OP must remember that family is defined by far more than DNA.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.