Family members can often take other loved ones for granted.
Not everyone can help all the time.
People have their own lives.
And just because some people share DNA, it doesn't mean anyone is obligated to anyone.
Redditor u/Affectionate_Fee5823 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"AITA for preferring to go bar hopping than babysitting?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Hi y'all, I need a bit of advice."
"For context, I am a 28-year-old M[ale]. Sister 1 is 34, and sister 2 is 31."
"On every family trip we've taken together, I've gone primarily to help out with the kids."
"I've also watched them whenever my sisters wanted to go out of the country for mini trips."
"I never used to mind babysitting, but I started a new relationship, so I’m not home most of the time."
"Plus, the kids are getting older, and they can’t act out."
"Three months ago, both sisters mentioned they booked an out-of-country concert trip."
"Knowing how they operate, I immediately told them, 'By the way, I won't be able to babysit. It's Labor Day weekend, and since I'm in my first relationship, I'll likely be busy.'"
"Sister 2 accepted this and is taking her whole crew with her."
"Sister 1 stayed quiet and never gave a direct answer, so I kept bringing it up to refresh her memory."
"While Sister 1 was away on a month-long trip to the D[omincan] R[epublic] with her family, we FaceTimed, and she told me, 'If you don't want to babysit, then buy your nieces' flight tickets.'"
"I replied, 'Hey, I never said I was going to babysit. I'm busy, so that's not my problem."'
"She just got back from her DR trip yesterday and is getting ready to leave for this concert trip in two days."
"Out of nowhere, she told me, 'I'm going to leave the girls (ages 5 and 2) with you and Dad.'"
"I looked at her and said, 'I told you I'm not here this weekend. My B[oy]F[riend] wants to take me away for the weekend' (which isn't strictly true; I'm actually just going to stay inside at his apartment and go bar hopping)."
"I love my nieces, but they can be a handful, and I just don't have the capacity for it right now."
"Especially since I recently quit my job, have been treated poorly by them, am mentally exhausted, and I start a new job in a week."
"I just want a chill weekend before I begin working again."
The OP was left to wonder:
""Am I the as**hole for not wanting to babysit?
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA... this is the moment to put your foot down."
"Do not accept any form of payment, do not be guilted, do not put that responsibility on yourself." ~ Fen_church
"Also, if sister decides to show up with the girls or leaves them, tell her that you are going to call the police over child abandonment if she doesn't take them with her." ~ Dot-Slash-Dot
"Whenever I read this stuff, I have to double take."
"Do parents need a break?"
"Sure, but grow up."
"You don’t book out-of-the-country tickets without securing childcare." ~ just-peepin-at-u
"My sister's dumped their kids on me constantly, saying they needed a break."
"I didn't have kids, so I had the time and energy for them according to my sisters."
"I finally told them I don't have kids because I don't wanna be tied down to kids, so I'm not gonna tie myself down for someone else's. It was liberating." ~ Medium_Wheel_4310
"I’ll be the first to say I’m not as busy as people with kids, and I made that choice deliberately."
"I wouldn’t put up with this just because they signed up for parenthood, which doesn’t include many breaks these days."
"Unfortunately, parenthood is really hard and a lot of people don’t seem to consider that before having kids, so they end up miserable later on." ~ BluejayAltruistic463
"Sister actually said if you're not gonna babysit my kids for free then buy them expensive ass plane tickets so I can take my kids with me."
"Wild entitlement there." ~ Aaprobst88
"This is it right here."
"My wife and I hadn't taken a true vacation without kids until, for our 15th wedding anniversary, we decided to go out of the country."
"We arranged for my in laws to come visit and watched the kids before we booked any tickets cause why we can believe they would do it, they have their own lives."
"When I was single in my early 20s, my mother volunteered me to watch my nephews so she and my sister could go out."
"I told her that while I'm generally willing to watch them, I'm an adult now; you need to ask me to watch them, not just assume or tell me." ~ bubbynee
"NTA, you said no."
"No means no."
"You didn’t cancel last second or promise to either." ~ Consistent_Life6154
"Your sisters chose to have children."
"Those children are not an extended family project for which everyone else is required to participate."
"You have every right to say NO to babysitting anytime you don't want to babysit."
"NTA, and not your problem." ~ CommercialBreak2026
"NTA - no is a complete sentence."
"Babysitting other people’s kids is a favor and not a responsibility."
"Stand your ground and say no, and keep saying no, otherwise this sister will continue to bully you."
"However, the sister who respected your boundaries, imho, is awesome."
"You def help her out if it’s convenient for you."
"The fact that you felt the need to constantly remind your other sister you weren’t babysitting your kids and she’s still expecting you to do it says you shouldn’t do any favors for her at all." ~ binjamins
"NTA. I do believe in helping out family when you can, but they don’t get to just dictate that you are their babysitter every time they want you to be."
"They made the decision to have children, and they should accept the responsibilities that come with that, including the inconvenience of paying for someone or finding some alternative child care."
"Good on you for helping, and you definitely should at times, but you’re not obligated to at all times, especially if you informed them you would be unavailable." ~ Reademallj
"NTA - You were very clear that you weren't available, she has had 3 months to make alternative arrangements, and it's frankly insane that your sister is trying to make her lack of planning for childcare your problem."
"A lack of planning that almost certainly is due to her being confident she could just forcibly dump them on you at the last second like she's attempting to do." ~ Elivercury
"No. She is taking you for granted."
"She think if she keeps telling you what to do you will listen."
"You are an adult."
"Make it clear that if she wants help in the future she needs to ask you and accept that you are going to say no some of the time."
"If she pushes, you will say no all of the time."
"Her trying to get you to pay for her kids' flights is wild."
"They are not your children."
"She is not entitled to your time or money."
"You do not exist solely to make her life easier."
"Do not let her manipulate you through guilt. "
"Anytime she tries, say no so she doesn't keep doing it." ~ Sufficient_Song3387
"I have been going through this..."
"14 years ago I was babysitting my nieces and nephews all the time."
"My new gf was like… hey, respectfully, you are not the parent."
"You have to live your own life."
"She was my brother and sister-in-law's best friend, and I realized I was always with the kids when they wanted to go out every weekend."
"I eventually moved out and minimized the babysitting."
"Fast forward, I got a divorce last year and have been spending a lot of time at my dads where the kids live with my brother, who is also divorced."
"I missed spending time with them and was happy, but I also know that part of my divorce was due to the kids and family always wanting to come over since I have the house."
"I didn’t really dawn on me until now."
"I am in a new relationship for 7months now, and it seems like I’m the bank, the therapist, and the peacemaker."
"Everyone got too comfortable with me being available."
"When I started my new relationship… here came the comments."
"Long story short…live your life."
"I chose not to have kids, but that doesn’t mean that I am everyone’s never-ending babysitter, etc."
"On our family vacation… I did me."
"I was asked to watch the kids… which I did not."
"Love my family, but then I lost someone partly due to this same situation."
"No you are not the AH." ~ NatiMo47
"NTA. You are not their parents, and you are not required to care for them or provide for their care."
"You gave them advance notice; don't get sucked in. NO is a complete sentence." ~ helsamesaresap
OP came back with an update...
"Hi y'all."
"Thanks for all the replies; I really thought I was in the wrong here."
"I'm currently reading all the comments at my partner's apartment, and she did, in fact, leave the girls with our dad."
"I called him, and he said he didn't mind babysitting."
"He asked if I was coming for the weekend, and I said no."
"I had already told him I was going to be out."
"My aunt is going over to help out, though."
"I spoke to Sister 2 about the situation, and she agrees with me."
"She said she is going to talk to our sister."
"We went to 3 bars and 1 party last night!!!"
"I needed that night out."
"Thanks again!"
It's great to hear that you put yourself first, OP.
Your sister needs to stop relying on you.
You are aloud ot have a life.
Good luck with the new job.
Enjoy your relationship.
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