Home DNA testing turned into big business over the past few decades. With testing comes surprises, some good, some bad, and some just interesting.
Like people whose family stories told them they were from one part of the world finding out their ancestors were from somewhere else entirely.
A brother turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after his sister chose to identify with a previously unknown part of their mother's genetic identity.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Tbar25 asked:
"AITAH for telling my sister she's not Jewish?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My wife (female, 43) and I (male, 39) traveled across the country to see my parents. We live in the Pacific Northwest, and my parents live in New England, specifically northeast coastal Massachusetts."
"My parents wanted to take us out to dinner and have my sister (female, 44) and her husband (male, 49) come too. My sister and I aren't particularly close, but we have had a fine enough adult relationship. We were closer before I moved to the West Coast."
"My mom has been researching family history for a few years. She submitted her DNA to one of those websites that track ancestry and genealogy. Through matching DNA, she even found a long-lost brother who had been put up for adoption."
"She also learned that one of her grandparents was an Ashkenazi Jew. So, according to the DNA results, my mother is a quarter Ashkenazi Jewish. This would make my sister and me roughly 12% Ashkenazi Jewish."
"We didn't grow up religious at all. My immediate family didn't attend any church or religious meetings. My dad grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school, and attended Mass every Sunday until he moved out to go to college."
"After that, he was done. My mom grew up in a non-religious household. She did have a King James Bible in her nightstand, but I never saw her open it."
"At dinner, my sister and mom were at one end of the table talking, and somehow our Jewish ancestry was mentioned. Both my sister and mom said to the table, 'We are Jewish!'."
"I responded by saying, 'I am sorry, but Judaism is a religion, and you should be practicing to call yourself Jewish'."
"My sister said, 'Well, don't tell that to my son, this is really important to him'."
"I responded by explaining that it was cool to embrace family history, but that they shouldn't call us Jewish when we have never practiced, been to temple, or followed any of the laws or rituals. She called me ignorant."
"So I asked her, 'Would you claim to be Jewish in a room full of Jews or at a temple?'."
"She has some Jewish ancestry. She, however, has not lived a culturally or religiously Jewish life. And we don't even know which of our great-grandparents was ethnically Jewish. Our grandparents on my mom's side definitely were not practicing the faith of traditions."
"If she said something about how she and her son were exploring their Jewish ancestry through some way like books, art, food, music, movies, history, or religion, my response would have been very different."
"I am not saying we don't have some Jewish ancestry. I think it's a big leap to call yourself Jewish, without something more."
"She didn't answer the question and continued arguing about how I should be less ignorant, and asked if I thought Jesus was a Jew."
"By this point, everyone seemed uncomfortable, so I thought it was best to be quiet and let them change the conversation."
"AITAH for telling my sister she's not Jewish?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was misinformed and that religions don't show up on DNA tests.
"There are two ways to be considered Jewish, either by converting to and practicing the religion, or through the maternal bloodline. If this heritage is all through the women, then technically your mom can consider herself ethnically Jewish."
"I know a large number of people who consider themselves Jewish while also being atheists. To be fair, for them it's about culture, family traditions, food."
"Since your family didn't grow up with that it may raise some eyebrows, but no one can stop them from claiming it if they want to." ~ whattheheckOO
"That is absolutely correct. Moreover, according to the Jewish religion, the child of a straight maternal line of Jews is Jewish, and has the rights to consider themselves Jewish, to marry a Jew in a Jewish ceremony, to be buried in a Jewish cemetery."
"On the other hand, practicing the Jewish religion does not make you Jewish unless you formally convert to Judaism—a long process, which involves studying the Jewish religion, being tested by an accredited Rabbi and undertaking to keep the rules of religion. So that an atheist may be Jewish if they come from a maternal Jewish line, but a convert to Judaism must be religious in order to become Jewish."
"The rule about the maternal line was formulated at times when Jews were persecuted in eastern Europe, and there were cases of assault of Jewish women by non-Jewish attackers. In order to minimize the tragedy, the children of these assaults were considered Jewish, as children of a Jewish woman."
"Moreover, while children of a married woman with a man who is not her husband are considered 'Momzer' (something worse than bastards, who cannot marry except with another Momzer and cannot pray in a minyan), children of rape by a non-Jew and a Jewish woman are considered legitimate." ~ DawnShakhar
"It's an ethnoreligion, not just a religion, which is why it shows up on DNA tests. My test didn't show anything about Baptists!"
"Another similar example is Coptic Egyptian (Christians), which will also show up on DNA tests due to intermarriage for centuries. You can tell your family that they are not of the Jewish faith, but genetically they are, though not halachically." ~ MrsTurtlebones
"You’re on the right track. Although Coptic Egyptians have different DNA markers because they are more closely related to ancient Egyptians, whereas non-Coptic Egyptians have Arab markers. The Coptic Egyptians who refused conversion to Islam during the Islamic conquest primarily married within their own Christian faith, and that’s how they remained closer to ancient Egyptians. That’s why their DNA is different than non-Coptic Egyptians."
"In terms of Ashkenazi Jews, their DNA differs from Jews that remained in the Middle East. However, their DNA certainly has markers relating them directly back to the Levant. Hence why they show up as Ashkenazi rather than European because the DNA is actually different."
"Either way, you’re correct in the ethnicity part. You don’t have to follow the Torah to be Jewish." ~ aregeeone731
"Your blood test came back a religion? No. Your blood test came back with an ethnicity. You are partially Jewish. And in Judaism, the religion, you ARE Jewish if your mother was." ~ VillainousandBoxum
"The way I put it is that Judaism isn't a religion; Judaism has a religion. It is one part of it." ~ IanDOsmond
"Jewish is a religion, a culture, and a genetic ethnicity. You can be Jewish religiously and/or culturally, but not ethnically if you convert or are raised in the culture. You can be Jewish ethnically, but not religiously or culturally.
"Your matriarchal family is part Jewish ethnically. You are not Jewish religiously or culturally. Stop policing your sister's language." ~ aeroeagleAC
"I’m Jewish. Judaism is a religion, a culture, and an ethnicity, or any combination thereof. You can be an atheist and be culturally and ethnically Jewish, for example (which is the case for me). Being Jewish can also involve lived experience and family traditions, as with other ethnicities and cultures."
"This is a subtle and complex topic. If you have Jewish ethnicity, then you have Jewish ethnicity. But I would not personally say that someone is Jewish in a way that is meaningful for their identity and life experiences based purely on having a bit of Jewish DNA."
"If your sister wants to connect with her Jewish heritage, and take that on in a religiously and/or culturally meaningful way, then she has every right to do so."
"Someone would probably not claim to be Black or Hispanic based purely on a small amount of genetic DNA, without having any prior awareness of that heritage or cultural experience with that identity. Someone would probably also not claim to be Catholic based purely on having some distant Catholic ancestors that they never even knew."
"I think Judaism is somewhat similar to these types of examples. Genetic ethnicity isn’t necessarily meaningless, but it also doesn’t automatically create a cultural identity without some work."
"I have an in-law who recently discovered a small amount of Jewish ethnicity in his DNA, and seemed to think that gave him the right to make an antisemitic joke. No, it did not." ~ smilingplankton
As many pointed out, the issue is complicated.
If a DNA test showed their family had Italian, Thai, or Nigerian ancestry, would OP object as strongly to his sister embracing that as well? It seems OP doesn't understand Jewish ancestry is separate from the religion and culture, but whether it's just genetic, religious, or cultural, Redditors had no issue with a person choosing to identify as Jewish.
OP arguing with his family over semantics in defense of a culture he admits to knowing nothing about turned more than just his family off. Reddit also had no patience for his gatekeeping.
