‘Tis the season for family vacations, which inherently means ‘tis the season for family conflicts.
Redditor justAnAITAthrow was recently at a beach house with a bunch of family when a fight broke out between his sister-in-law and he and his wife over cookies.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) SIL is quite the health nut, but her frustrations with he and his wife emphasized the “nut” part of that.
This drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for feedback after he clapped back harshly.
He asked:
“AITA for calling my sister-in-law and brother whores after my sister-in-law insulted both me and my wife?”
He went on to explain the situation.
“My wife [34-year-old Female] and I [47-year-old Male] are staying with my parents [72-year-old Female & 71-year-old Male], grandma [90-year-old Female]…”
“…older brother [50-year-old Male], brother-in-law [48-year-old Male], their kids [10-year-old Female & 7-year-old Male]…”
“…younger brother [40-year-old Male], sister-in-law [38-year-old Female], and their kids [9-year-old Male, 7-year-old Female, & 4-year-old Male] at a beach house we rented for 2 weeks.”
“I should preface this by saying that frankly, I do not get along with my younger brother (“Tod”) and I do not like my sister-in-law (“Anne”).”
“That said, I am civil with them and while I don’t see them often, I do love my niece and nephews.”
“Yesterday, my wife (“Alice”) and I were babysitting all of our nieces and nephews while my grandma napped and everyone else went to see a movie.”
“Now, once we got here, Alice and I had baked cookies for everyone to eat.”
“We’d baked them later in the evening, and Anne (who works as a personal trainer) told her kids that they couldn’t have any.”
“The kids were upset, of course (especially since their cousins were allowed cookies), but Anne was insistent that they weren’t allowed any at the time.”
“She and Tod are generally quite strict with the kids’ diets (none of them have any food allergies), and to my recollection they have only been allowed a popsicle once this past week.”
“While everyone was out, one of the kids asked Alice if they could have cookies, and so we gave them all some cookies to enjoy.”
“When everyone came home, Anne asked the kids what they did, and one of them mentioned that we gave them cookies.”
“She then told them to play on the beach, where they were watched by my older brother and brother-in-law and were joined by their cousins.”
“Anne then proceeded to get very mad. She started off just saying that we shouldn’t have given them cookies because she hadn’t said they could have them.”
“Alice started to apologize and say we just wanted to let them enjoy their vacation, but Anne interrupted her and told her that ‘she didn’t trust a fat a** with [her kids’] health.’”
“Now, I was absolutely livid, and I told her to shut the f*ck up.”
“The argument spiraled from there, and at one point Anne said she should never have trusted two “psychos” with her kids.”
“(Alice and I met in a therapy group 11 years ago after we were discharged from the hospital for mental health concerns – though I’d like to emphasize we weren’t there for anything that would ever even imply that we’d put anyone else in danger).”
“I then told her that it was rich for two wh*res to think that they could ever raise morally-healthy kids.”
“(Anne was originally Tod’s “best friend’s” wife, but the two had an affair, during which their oldest child was conceived, then Anne and her husband had what sounds like a rather messy divorce).”
“She then started crying and left, and our family is a bit divided over this. I realize that I was very harsh, but so was she and I do not think it was her place to dish out what she couldn’t take.”
“So, AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“ESH.”
“You knew the kids couldn’t have cookies so you deliberately stepped all over their boundaries.”
“Anne attacked you personally which is out of bounds.”
“You responded with your own immature insults.”
“But let’s face it – this started with you not respecting their boundary as parents.” – Big-Cloud-6719
“ESH – obviously Anna for starting the insults”
“You and your wife more so for feeding her kids something you know she said not to – she was half right, you proved that she can’t trust you with her kids.”
“Yes it was just a cookie – this time, but now she knows that if you feel like it you’ll go against her rules for her kids.” – BloodRedMoonlight
“I guess I’m in the vast minority but I would say NTA. Anne went way too low over a couple cookies.”
“I get most peoples point that a parent gets to decide what their children eat, but I’ve seen too many people who are health nuts force that lifestyle on their children to an abusive degree.”
“And if the reaction to a few cookies is to call people fat a**es, It sounds like the kids are probably getting that same reaction from her at home if they indulge in the occasional sweet.”
“Also, if you’re gonna throw stones from your glass house, be ready for the retaliation.”
“If a couple cookies on vacation is a wild and awful violation of trust then this lady needs to go to therapy.” – ForearmDeep
“ESH – I think Anne more than you but you were all vicious to each other.”
“She’s likely way too strict with the kids and you knowing they couldn’t have cookies, you really shouldn’t have. But her reaction was over to the top and it just escalated from there.” – jrm1102
“NTA- let’s be honest Anne is the mental one. She going to give her children eating disorders, and they are going to end up resenting her.”
“And just wait till they find out how dad and mom get together.”
“However Anne will likely cheat again, so they will likely be children of divorce. But you will be the cool aunt and uncle!” – Important-Egg-7764
“God thank you, this comment section is insane with the, ‘It’s their choice of how to parent their children’.”
“So…OP is just supposed to follow an extremely abusive “boundary” on children as young as FOUR?!”
“A diet so strict that when broken by a couple of cookies during vacation, Anne decided to go nuclear with insults?”
“Absolutely NTA, there’s a difference between watching your health and actively shaming anyone and everyone for absolutely any “unhealthy” choices to the point where your kids aren’t allowed treats on a vacation.” – stupidly_curious
“ESH. It’s a kind gesture for your wife to offer the kids cookies, but it DOES violate the ground rules those parents set.”
“Ideally she would have asked their parents and if said no, take it at face value.”
“The things they said about you and your wife however were 100% uncalled for, absolute lows however you stooped to their level.”
“Frankly I can understand why you’d get pissed on your wife’s behalf, I would be extremely upset too.”
“This is one is kinda a sh*tty situation all around, as based off how far this escalated, something else innocent could have set off the events as well.”
“Going LC might be for the best, at least for awhile once apologies are stated between all parties.” – Lost_Understanding32
“ESH – I know it seems unfair that the kids can’t have cookies but it is what it is. That’s on their parents to deal with the consequences from being overly strict with food.”
“She’s TA for starting the personal insults. Personally I think she deserves anything you said in return since she started it with that vile comment.”
“Apologize for the cookie, request an apology for her comments.” – scarlett_mae4
“Going against the stream here, i agree that esh but, everyone seems to forget the effects of strict diets on children.”
“Often they lead to an eating disorder so i honestly also might have given the kids something sweet.”
“They should have talked about it more, but never eating cookies seems pretty unreasonable.” – esmee_69
“NTA – the reason why I say this is because Anne said no than said not at that time. Alice did apologize but Anne had to make a rude comment about Alice and her husband.”
“Anne should have never made that comment. Two wrongs don’t make a right but I would have done the same thing.”
“Alice and her husband had some health issues and Tod and his wife broke up a marriage . I guess Anne thought that she was exempt from being called out .” – Plane_Mention_6089
“ESH”
“Anne sucks because she is too strict and probably developing some food trauma for her kids later in life.”
“You suck because you chose to disregard her authority as a parent and still give them cookies.”
“She sucks more because she went for a seriously low blow without any appropriate provocation.”
“You still suck because you chose to go for a low blow of your own, though that might be the more justified aspect of all this.” – Crisgus
If you give a mouse a cookie, make sure that mouse’s mom isn’t Anne.