Weddings and babies… all joyous parts of life.
Until they’re not.
Some people seem to get so wrapped up in their own life planning they start to believe others should be living life at their request.
That mindset never really goes well.
Case in point…
Redditor No-Understanding7021 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not planning a family around my sister’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister Emma (32) is getting married in March 2023.”
“She started dating her now fiancé in college so this is a long time coming for her.”
“Meanwhile I (28 M[ale]) got married a couple months ago after one year of dating + 1 year of being engaged.”
“I could tell Emma was bitter when I got engaged and she hadn’t reached that milestone yet but nothing I could do about that.”
“Emma asked my wife Kate (25 F) to be a bridesmaid.”
“They aren’t that close but it was a nice gesture.”
“Kate was shocked but said yes.”
“This weekend while at our mom’s house Emma was talking about how all her friends are having kids and how she can’t wait.”
“I told her same here, and let her know that Kate and I plan to start ‘trying soon.'”
“She then goes ‘wait wait wait, I hope by soon you mean after my wedding.'”
“To which I laughed thinking she was joking and was like ‘no, I mean soon soon.'”
“Emma kinda freaked out and said that if I was going to do the big wedding before her despite being 4 years younger the least we could do is not be pregnant at her wedding.”
“Again I thought surely she must not be serious and basically told her, I don’t know how long it will take but there is a high likelihood of Kate being pregnant at her wedding.”
“It just is what it is.”
“Assuming no complications, and given no infertility on either side we don’t expect there to be.”
“Emma was really upset and said she wouldn’t have asked Kate to be a bridesmaid if she knew she might be showing.”
“I said I’m sure Kate would be fine with stepping down from the wedding party, no big deal.”
“Confirmed with Kate, she’s fine and not offended.”
“But Emma is still mad at us.”
“It feels kind of ridiculous to me but my female friend said ‘You’re right that it’s unreasonable, but I get what Emma feels.'”
“So I guess I wanted to get some third party takes here to see if we’re in the wrong.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. That was LUDICROUS!”
“She is absolutely delusional.”
“Side note: They make maternity bridal party gowns. Hashtag: Bridezilla.”
“I think people pay too much about the ‘OP’s’ aesthetic instead of being surrounded by family/friends in your bridal party.” ~ stinstin555
“I have a feeling this is less about Kate being a bridesmaid or Emma being a bridezilla.”
“But being jealous her little brother getting married first, and now being pregnant before she even get married. NTA.” ~egorre
“Yup, Emma is expecting OP and Kate to put their lives on hold while she’s busy playing catch-up cause she’s entitled cause she’s older. NTA.” ~ ObjectiveSense102
“Emma wasted time for a good ten years.”
“When she could have already been married and had 2-3 kids.”
“But because her fiancé futzed around for a frickin’ decade, now her little brother has to ‘Wait his turn?'”
“Oh, hells to the NO.”
“I hope OP and Kate get pregnant their first try and she’s just bulging during the wedding.”
“Emma will be pissed, but it’s her and her fiancé’s fault.” ~ Rodney_Copperbottom
“Wtf? If she wanted to get married she could have proposed to him.”
“If it’s not an option to propose as a women in whatever weird universe you and OPs sister live, you should try and move out of it.”
“She didn’t waste time, she and her fiancé either had reasons not to get engaged or she chose not to pop the question.”
“I do believe OP is NTA but is it really so hard to see that this is not about the wedding or being a bridezilla? She’s insecure.”
“This is still not OPs Problem but if they are close he might just sit down with her and talk about it.”
“A lot of people get a little crazy when certain milestones approach – nothing a nice hearty chat couldn’t fix.” ~ Evil_Librarian999
“100% on point!”
“The mentality of ‘but I’m the oldest!'”
“Not just in this case, is kinda contradictory actually.”
“Shows a lack of maturity with a ‘jealousy cherry on tohhhppp.'”
“Look, I get it – she wants those milestones- but in her timeline.”
“And life just doesn’t work that way.”
“Everything you should have will come to you when the time is right.”
“Hope your sister (and others who think this way) can come to terms with that.”
“‘To Everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under Heaven.'”
“‘Life is like a box of chocolates, Forrest…you never know what you’re gonna get.'”
“NTA OP! Best wishes to you and your wife and your family!” ~ connect-Floor-4235
“But look at it this way; is there a chance in hell that she would accept well meaning advice from her married brother who is about to knock up his wife before she gets to do those things?”
“When people are hell bent on making a mistake they rarely take kindly to it being pointed out.”
“I’ve never known someone take well o being told to slow down a relationship or life plans they are set on – no matter how disastrous it may look to outsiders.”
“OP can have a chat with her but she may well not take it well if he starts suggesting she slows down or thinks things through.”
“Even if she’s making a mistake she almost certainly needs to realize that by herself.” ~ linerva
“NTA – my fiancé just found out one of her bridesmaids is trying to get pregnant soon.”
“She’ll likely be 7 months pregnant for our wedding.”
“My fiancé and I were thrilled when she told us and we will do everything to accommodate her.”
“A wedding doesn’t mean you get to put everyone else’s life on pause.” ~ omarade2
“NTA. She’s a bridezilla and it’s insane.”
“Brides don’t get to dictate the lifestyles or life choices of the people in their parties.”
“The fact she’s trying to do so is laughable.”
“And your female friend is a little out there too.”
“I don’t get how Emma feels.”
“I’m usually a firm believer that you are allowed to feel what you feel. But this is a freakin’ stretch.”
“You can’t get engaged first I’m oldest.”
“You can’t get married first I’m the oldest.”
“You can’t get pregnant first I’m the oldest.”
“Those types of arguments make no sense and it’s ludicrous to try and justify it.”
“And it’s not like you all are intentionally try to one up her.”
“Your lives have just fallen into place quicker and easier than before Emma’s.”
“It might be best for Kate to just back out now.”
“You can tell family that you’ve been made aware that if Kate is pregnant then it would cause issues so you’re just removing the possibility if you end up pregnant.” ~ Terra88draco
“This!! I’ve read stories here about brides expecting their bridesmaids to have specific hairstyles and colors, be a certain weight, etc.”
“None of that is fair or okay to ask.”
“But to tell someone that they aren’t allowed to start a family???”
“No, no, no, a thousand times no!”
“Emma has no business dictating when you and Kate may or may not try for a baby, it’s none of her business.”
“Very much NTA!!”
“My little sister got married before me.”
“She was pregnant at my wedding : she was the most beautiful bridesmaid, and my little nephew the cutest little ring bearer.”
“I was so happy for her.”
“Your wedding is one day, and in the long run it may not even last (mine didn’t), it’s not worth ruining friendships or family relationships over 1 day!!!” ~ Odd-Phrase5808
“NTA. How are people still expecting everyone to delay their lives for a wedding in 2022?”
“This topic has appeared in advice columns/forums ever since there were advice columns.”
“There is no reason why Kate shouldn’t get pregnant whenever she likes.”
“I don’t see the problem with having her at the wedding if she is pregnant.”
“But if it’s a problem for your sister, your sister has the option of inviting someone else to take her place as a bridesmaid.”
“The thing is, we all have ridiculous and immature thoughts.”
“We don’t have to say them out loud or take them seriously.”
“You’re done far more than most people would feel comfortable with by warning Emma that Kate might be pregnant.
“You do not owe Emma any control whatsoever over your reproductive decisions.” ~ Antstst
Well OP, Reddit is with you and Kate clearly.
You get to live your life as you see fit.
Your sis is going to have to deal.
Good luck on the trying.