Wedding season is expensive for guests too.
Most people have a couple of dresses in rotation, or they borrow from someone. But, they need to have enough time to choose the perfect dress.
Redditor Zealousideal-Tip5225 encountered this very issue with her sister. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
AITA for not changing my dress at my sister’s wedding?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (24F) older sister (30) got married to her boyfriend of 4 years and fiancé of 2 a couple weeks ago. I wasn’t a bridesmaid, but I did do a lot of the setup and such, so I knew her expectations and plans before the ceremony.”
“I had this dress I wanted to wear, and it’s not white, more of a peachy gray. It does look white if the sun shines directly on it though.”
“It was the only dress I had, but I wasn’t sure about the colour, since my sister is very meticulous, and I didn’t want to ruin her day.”
“I asked if I could wear it beforehand, even showing her the dress and clarifying what it did in the sun. She told me it was fine, and that it ‘wasn’t that pretty of a dress, so (I) wouldn’t outshine (her) anyway.'”
“I go to the wedding wearing the dress, and I go to meet her in the back where she is getting ready. She immediately looks outraged, and yells I wasn’t supposed to wear white.”
“I said that it was the dress she allowed specifically, and then she said something along the lines of ‘you should have known I would’ve changed my mind.'”
“She then told me to either change or leave. I didn’t have a spare dress, and she wasn’t willing to let me borrow one, so I just left. I feel terrible, because we’ve always been super close and I was ecstatic to see her get married to the love of her life.”
“I didn’t think our relationship could get destroyed so easily.”
“She hasn’t texted me back since then, and my mom told me that I should have just changed. I didn’t have any other dresses to wear, and no one was willing to lend one.”
“I don’t know. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were conflicted about the situation.
“NTA. Your sister seriously kicked you out of her wedding for wearing a dress she’d already said was okay??? That’s beyond unreasonable.”
“And by your mom’s also totally unreasonable reaction, I’m guessing she’s the one who has raised and enabled your sister’s horrible and entitled attitudes.” ~ yourlittlebirdie
“Not to mention she expected OP to use another dress because and I quote ‘should’ve known I would change my mind’ NTA OP your sister was being unreasonable and I suspect she was saying it wasn’t pretty and it wouldn’t outshine her in order for you to feel insecure and change your mind about the dress.” ~ chipotleloife
“I’m already pitying the guy whom she’s married. I’m sure she’ll expect him to be a mind reader, too!” ~ Textlover
“So many women I know do this. ‘I’m so mad at husband because he didn’t do the thing’ ‘did you ask him to do the thing’ ‘no, he should have known’ I usually ask for the next week’s lotto numbers him being a mind reader and all.” ~ Pyesmybaby
“NTA. You did what you should have done. You told her about the dress, showed it to her, explained what it does in the sun, asked for permission and she gave her approval. She didn’t even bother to give you a spare after she freaked out on you? She’s really willing to ruin your relationship over a dress of all things.” ~ mwittevxcvfdfs
“OP is at an age where a lot of people get married, and the only dress she owns is potentially unacceptable for a wedding. I feel like it’s just common sense to own at least one formal outfit suitable for weddings and other formal events. OP is NTA for this situation but imo was poorly prepared.” ~ CaptainCatbee
OP checked on her sister beforehand.
“‘You should have just peered though the mists of time, space and psyche to read my future thoughts! How DARE you not be psychic! Get out of my wedding!'”
“Yep. Sure. Sure. Totally reasonable. Yep!” ~ Kathrynlena
“Hot take: she didn’t want her sister there and it hadn’t been the dress it would have been something else.” ~ CandyNo4303
“Another hot take: Her sister set her up deliberately.” ~ Competitive_Cloud269
“I was thinking that too. The timeline works out.”
“OP has initial misgivings and presents it to her sister while there’s still time to do something about it -> Sister okays it (and throws in a bonus a catty dig) -> Sister blows up on the day of the wedding while there is no time to do anything about it.”
“OP’s sister had plenty of time to think about this issue and ask OP to get a different dress before the day of. Highly suspicious.” ~ Vilnius_Nastavnik
“Plus the demand to change. In what should OP have changed when she hadn’t other clothes available and nobody was willing to lend her something? Her underwear?” ~ Icyblue_Dragon
“And she wasn’t a bridesmaid but they are super close? No. Op loves sister and wants a relationship and is seeing more than there is. (I’m sorry op). Sister isn’t close and used her for wedding prep, called the dress ugly, made her leave and humiliating her, and has now ghosted her since she’s not needed. This is her mother’s and sisters fault.” ~ SufficientWay3663
“The correct time to ask to borrow a dress is *the exact same time as when you’re told the one you have isn’t ok* if sister told her back when she ASKED that the dress was not going to work, OP could have asked to borrow one at that time. Sister waited to spring it on her last minute, so she HAD to ask to borrow last minute. Why would you ask to borrow a dress when you already have one that is approved? That’s like asking to borrow a car when you have one that runs and has gas in it. You don’t need to borrow a car until yours breaks down.” ~ indigowulf
Should people have backup dresses?